coltsfan1 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) hey all this is my first post and I was hoping people could give me advice on my situation. GF and I have been to together for 3 years, we broke up on Jan. 5. about 4 months back we broke for about a week when I got an email (mass email to all her contacts) from my previous ex stating that she was getting married and changing her email address. After about a week (when I found out she had a FB) I called my GF asking to get back together and we did. However I had to give her my email info and she deleted her FB and gave me her email info so we could check each others whenever we wanted. On the 5th she broke up with me because I wanted to go out with a male friend whose GF is one of my GF friends and not have to ask her permission or bring her everytime. I have been involved in her sons life since he was 3 months old (his father doesn't come around) and I love him very much, the last time we spoke she told me I was a poor excuse for a man, told me she was going to kick my butt the next time she saw me, then she said she was going to mess with my truck, then she told me she was going to tell her now 3 yr old son that I was a peice of ****. I haven't spoken to her since the 5th but I did check her email she hasn't deleted any of the emails with pics of us together then on the 26th she created a FB but hasn't changed her email password to prevent me from being able to log on to her email. (I KNOW I SHOULD NOT HAVE LOOKED IN HER EMAIL) But on saturday she called me twice i didn't call her back till later that night but I hung up the phone before she could answer, 3 minutes went by and she txt me, I didn't respond back but she txt me 3 more times and called leaving me a voicemail stating why i recieved a phone call (her son had her phone & I am the first person in her contacts, was an acccident and she wasn't trying to toy with my emotions) then txt me saying she left me a voicemail to explain and sorry for the inconvenience. I am missing her really BAD and any insight on whats going on would be great. SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. Edited January 28, 2010 by coltsfan1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 BUMP, no advice? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 I am so sorry you are going through this and my heart is breaking for you. Reality is you need to focus on you now. You need to stop checking up on her because what is going on in her life has no bearing on yours. The issue with her son just stinks - but reality is that it is HER son, and unfortunately he goes with HER. I suspect losing him will be the toughest part for you - but you must stay strong. You must implement no contact and stick to it. Each and everytime you peak at her email, or her fb account, or call her and hang up - you are bringing yourself back to square one in the healing process. Trust me I know this. I broke up with my ex (dated for 5.5 years) on December 1st. His 3 year old granddaughter thinks of me as a grandmother and calls me several times a week - she never calls him. Unfortunately my ex has not told anyone about the break up, and I haven't found the courage to tell his son - so I still have commuication with the granddaughter -but it breaks my heart almost every time! Howver I have stuck to no contact since deember 1 with the ex, and I can tell you I am doing dramatically better than I was even a month ago. I still ache and miss him more than words can say - but I AM healing. You need to start YOUR healing - please go no contact and stick with it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 thanks for the reply! I am struggling so much with it, I didn't deserve to be left that way. She has really broken my heart she is out at the bars leaving her son with someone else, but when she found out that I has sold my 4 wheeler she called my friends GF and was angry about how I was spending my money and said she didn't want me to do anything I would regret. this is after she told that same girl that she was going to get implants with her tax check then start waitressing at the local strip club! I CAN'T SEEM TO HELPS MYSELF I WORRY ABOUT HER!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 That is why no contact is the only way to go. You hear things she said, you get upset. Cut all ties and you will not hear these things. Then you'll have all this time left to focus on healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 I was leaving my house and she happen to be driving by, no look no call THAT HURT! It is just hard because I know that she is kind of keeping tabs on me, guess it is just wishful thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
nomad0792 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 hey coltsfan1- first, thanks for replying to my thread. Second, and more importantly, you must stick to NC. You are gonna' hear crap that you won't wanna' hear and it will only fester inside you. I have been very focused on not contacting my ex and it's been the hardest thing I've had to do, but knowing what she is up to would be a lot worse. Ignorance is bliss in this case. Trust me, I know what you're going thru man. I've been NC for 2.5 months. But those two phone calls put me in a bit of a setback. NC BROTHER!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 thanks for the replies I just am having trouble with the way she left things, guess she must need to hate me or really didn't care that much to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Yup we all have questions that will remain unanswered. Even if you did get the chance to ask them of her, you are unlikely to get the responses you hope for - so why bother? Why not just work on you at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Why would you break up with your GF just because you got a mass email from your ex saying that she was getting married? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Read the following if your looking for help to move on: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? The woman nor the relationship seems to be very mature or healthy. For the earlier break ups seem silly, and her threat to use her child against you seems worst then silly. Give it some space I suspect you will start seeing it in a similar light. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 eeyore79- I didn't break up with her she left me over it. last saturday she made plans with bunch of people in the group we run around with, I didn't get invited which i understand but then she didn't even go out with them. I am just venting all my questions in my head on this thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 If she dumped you for receiving an email from your ex, she is some sort of weirdo and you're well rid of her. How did she know you received the email anyway? If she insisted on reading your emails, sh's even more of a possessive weirdo. Run like the wind! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 she was in the room when i was checking the email, just blew up. we broke up for about a week 4 months ago and we exchanged email passwords and we still continued to fight. i really miss her, I went to see som family last night and they told me to email her and ask her to meet me for coffee, then tell her I deserve to hear her tell me our relationship is over face to face since the words, finished, done, leaving, or broke up never came out of her mouth. WHAT DO YOU ALL ADVISE. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 she was in the room when i was checking the email, just blew up. we broke up for about a week 4 months ago and we exchanged email passwords and we still continued to fight. i really miss her, I went to see som family last night and they told me to email her and ask her to meet me for coffee, then tell her I deserve to hear her tell me our relationship is over face to face since the words, finished, done, leaving, or broke up never came out of her mouth. WHAT DO YOU ALL ADVISE. Stop playing that game. It is over, leave her alone and focus on yourself. Do email her, do not talk to her. Why do you want the humiliation of being told to your face she does not love you or want you. You really think that is going to make you feel better? READ THE FOLLOWING POSTS AND DO WHAT IT SAYS: Read the following if your looking for help to move on: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? It is time to be kind to yourself. GO NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 (edited) thats for the advise! I also found out that my cousin sent my ex a friend request on facebook just to see if she would except him. THAT WAS NOT MY DOING, i am thinking i should ask him to delete her since it looks almost stalker-ish!! I have been beating myself up over it all night I FEEL LIKE SUCH A DESPERATE VAGINA!!! i have to look like one and she told me good luck finding someone like me, i am doing exactly what she thought I would do!! Edited February 1, 2010 by coltsfan1 Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 thats for the advise! I also found out that my cousin sent my ex a friend request on facebook just to see if she would except him. THAT WAS NOT MY DOING, i am thinking i should ask him to delete her since it looks almost stalker-ish!! I have been beating myself up over it all night I FEEL LIKE SUCH A DESPERATE VAGINA!!! i have to look like one and she told me good luck finding someone like me, i am doing exactly what she thought I would do!! It simple does not matter. From this point forward what she thinks, does, or say has not relevance on the great new life your building. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 if it was only that simple! feeling better guess the realization has set in that we are probably over and i will never get the apology that i deserve! Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Coltsfan, I was engaged. My ex threatened to get me fired from my job.........and followed through. She never gave me my ring back. Called my mother fake and checked my emails everyday for months while we were still together, trying to find something......ANYTHING to make me feel guilty, to have power over me. It gets tiring. I mean work is supposed to be tiring..not relationships. I know it's hard because there is a child involved but she made that decision not you. Let her answer the tough questions when they ask where you are. This email checking is a sign of serious trust issues. When you check someones emails you can take things out of context and they just drive you insane. Once someone checks my emails, I know they don't trust me...and the relationship is doomed unless SOLID communication can over come it. The way she is threatening you makes it seems like she may have some sort of mental disorder.....maybe bpd. I would check it out if I were you, might explain a lot. As grayclouds says (he knows what he is talking about) you need to stick to NC for your own sanity and to start repairing yourself. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 if it was only that simple! feeling better guess the realization has set in that we are probably over and i will never get the apology that i deserve! It is that simple, not to be confused as easy, but simple. Wanting that apology is just another way of wanting her. Wanting her keeps you from wanting to heal yourself. Focus on healing yourself lessens wanting her. So simply focus on yourself. What you deserve is to heal, start wanting that for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 thanks for all the comments, I really am having trouble SOMETIMES. this is my first long term relationship and my first heartbreak, never really cared about another girl before. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 thanks for all the comments, I really am having trouble SOMETIMES. this is my first long term relationship and my first heartbreak, never really cared about another girl before. Your not alone we all have trouble sometimes for it is very very hard. At the beginning you work for just a few moments of feeling better, then you work for a few hours, then it becomes almost a whole day. With time and effort it does get better. Follow the information regarding NC, it does get easier sooner. It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 again, thanks for the reply. I can go through a day and not think about it, but sometimes I can't seem to get it out of my head. I truly think that the break up may be for the best. However, there is still that grain of hope that things may work out. Just hard but I truly appreciate everyone on here. I read others threads and I see that I am not alone in this journey, and I have only been going through this for a month not a year. SO THANKS for the time and motivation! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Part of that is just chemicals that your body produces after a event like this (fight or flight response) giving yourself some time will help. So will working at it: forcing your self to think of other things, refocusing your thought on yourself. get a lot exercise, eat well, journaling. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Share Posted February 10, 2010 i am still having trouble! I have found out that she is going to the clubs and less than a month into our not talking gave her number to some other guy, went to a super bowl party with him, has made out with a GIRL and I still can't seem to get it through MY THICK SKULL that what she does is no longer my concern! I keep trying but its like a black hole if I give it much thought I seem to spiral DOWN QUICK. Just can't believe that she is doing this stuff, according to how she has behaved with me over the last 3 and a half years this is TOTALLY out of character! Link to post Share on other sites
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