first post fresh break up

[Sadbutrelieved]

Coltsfan1, she sounds like too much trouble to me, sorry. I'm not really sure myself how to put someone completely out of your mind, as I'm dealing with the thoughts of the past myself, but someone this toxic is not going to magically change overnight. I'm going to try just keeping myself busy and having no contact at all. I read the "no contact" post by Caliguy this morning, and it's spot on. Go read that, read it every day if you have to. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

[GrayClouds]

i am still having trouble! I have found out that she is going to the clubs and less than a month into our not talking gave her number to some other guy, went to a super bowl party with him, has made out with a GIRL and I still can't seem to get it through MY THICK SKULL that what she does is no longer my concern! I keep trying but its like a black hole if I give it much thought I seem to spiral DOWN QUICK. Just can't believe that she is doing this stuff, according to how she has behaved with me over the last 3 and a half years this is TOTALLY out of character!

 

Be honest, this is not about her, it is about the Saints winning

 

But you know the drill, it is not about her and what she does. You are no longer part of her life. She is in the grass in greener stage, thinking that she missed all this fun and excitement, in time she will likely find it is too is just grass and she is behaving like a cow. But you know what even if she does not, it does not affect your future.

 

Back to focusing on what you want.

 

Tell me what things are you doing to heal yourself...join a gym, start a new hobbie, teaching yourself how to cook (so you can seduce the next love of your life), reading, journaling...what are you doing for you?

[coltsfan1]

thought I would give an update on my situation. I have been going to school full-time, I haven't worked in a year (been drawling unemployment) well I have GOOD news! I just got a full-time position at one of the larger hospitals in town being a tier 2 desktop support tech. I haven't worked in the field before so this is a HUGE opportunity for me, I am just trying to hold onto all the goods things and let go of being concerned about her. I have pretty much fell off the planet, lost some friends but guess they weren't my friends anyways. All i do is go to the gym, go to school, make GOOD grades (3.2/4.0) and I can't wait to start my new job!!! Hope everyone else is catching some breaks and moving on!

[sedgwick]

eeyore79- I didn't break up with her she left me over it.

 

She left you because you got an email? And you're logging into HER email now and reading it? Huh?!

[coltsfan1]

I haven't been on her email since superbowl sunday and Im not going to get on it. Our relationship is OVER that is clear now.

[coltsfan1]

haven't posted here in AWHILE since me an the ex got back together... Since we have a bunch of mutual friend we ended up at a group function together and talked.

Boy was that a BIG MISTAKE, things would go really well for a month or so then a little fight would turn into world war 3. She even hit me in front of all our friends one night. We have talked and she left AGAIN, which is best for us both. We are obviously not good together anymore, so now I'm back here wishing that I would have listen all along. But this time is so much easier I went straight to NC even though she has tried to contact me and be around at functions. LOL no hurt just silly question..

[GrayClouds]

We all trip but you have learn and now there is nothing left but a new great future.

[coltsfan1]

is it me or are there always questions after a break-up? I don't mean why the break-up happened but was the person you dated/married really a person at all?

 

If a person changes good or bad (in my case BAD) is it reasonable to question whether you know them at all? I don't worry about her or what she is doing, I know that she is a big girl and able to take care of herself. But I am questioning my judgement if I was so foolish as to not see what really was going on.

 

This is normal right?

[lapse]

is it me or are there always questions after a break-up? I don't mean why the break-up happened but was the person you dated/married really a person at all?

 

If a person changes good or bad (in my case BAD) is it reasonable to question whether you know them at all? I don't worry about her or what she is doing, I know that she is a big girl and able to take care of herself. But I am questioning my judgement if I was so foolish as to not see what really was going on.

 

This is normal right?

 

I think this is very normal. I'm going through the same. e.g. "Were any of the good things he did done out of genuine love and caring?" "Was all of the good stuff a fraud?"

 

It's good to be able to see the gray... to know that all people have both good and bad. But at some point, when all you ever see is the bad, you do question whether the good was even real. I do, anyway.

[GrayClouds]

is it me or are there always questions after a break-up? I don't mean why the break-up happened but was the person you dated/married really a person at all?

 

If a person changes good or bad (in my case BAD) is it reasonable to question whether you know them at all? I don't worry about her or what she is doing, I know that she is a big girl and able to take care of herself. But I am questioning my judgement if I was so foolish as to not see what really was going on.

 

This is normal right?

 

There is nothing but questions after a break-up and the only answers you will find is about yourself. Trying to figure out any thing more then yourself only creates a mental Escher painting.

Edited October 28, 2010 by GrayClouds

[coltsfan1]

tell me about it!! I know that our realtionship is over and that she is ready/willing to move on. but i still don't understand why would she leave in such a gut wrenching way again, things have been really bad since we tried again (mostly her part). There is a couple that we where both close with, me and the husband and her and the wife, I went out with this couple and other friends a week ago and the wife gave her husband a pass to play wingman for me. Well when that happened I knew that we where done and that the wifes in what use to be OUR group of friends want me to move on. was really surprising in a good way and left me totally hurt at the same time. Because I knew that it is official NO ONE wants to see us get back together!!

[coltsfan1]

Well im posting here again, I continue to post on my thread as to not continue to open new threads but to just vent!!!

 

I cannot believe that I am still even thinking about a girl who lied, cheated and threw me away in a total classless way. I am so upset at myself that after all these months I am still up at 3 am when I should be asleep, I have to be at work in 5 hours!!! I feel like a idiot, a rug and a prideless moron that I can't just move on. She has given me every reason even told me that I did better without her.

 

I am not standing still this time just waiting yet when I am alone in the bed that we use to share I just think about where/who she is with. The thought that she use to come crawl in bed with me and could/probably was with him that day or the night before makes me so angry... I want to smash seven shades of sh*t out of something or someone. I control myself cause I am not giving her the satisfaction of me behaving like an uncontroled animal..

 

She is still keeping tabs on me and if I don't quit spending time with people that we know mutually then she always will be able too. This makes me angry as well because they don't keep me posted on what she is doing. So less of me cutting out everyone we know she will be able to continue to do so, and I want to know who is sharing with her. Its such a mess that i just want to fall off the face of the earth for a bit. not die or anything crazy just disappear for a few months. If I was wealthy I would go stay with my friend in Germany for a month or so.

Edited December 16, 2010 by coltsfan1

[dk.bnz.chi]

it's ok buddy,just hang in there. all this feelings are just normal. i broke up with my girl of 6 years and felt almost like you for 2 months. now it's better and better every day.

germany is a good place to be ,i have lots of relatives there,beer and bratwurst,lol

[coltsfan1]

i would love to be in germany drinking a pauliner and eating mozupon.. It really is puzzling that a person would come into anothers life and be so incredible phony, I come from a very stable family back ground with what I believe are good morals. So it is hard for me to understand the complete lack of honesty.

 

Now I am starting to questin who I am at times, I thought I was so strong and I feel so weak. My male friends have told me that if I walk around wearing the fact that I am hurting it just fuels her fire. I also dont understand why people have told me that I need to have my NO ready cause she will contact me again...

[alwayshoping]

hey coltsfan, I've been following your thread. Hang in there matey, its hard and I think when you love someone, honesty is hard if it means hurting them, thats the way I see it with my ex (so i'm probably projecting here) but I think when she cheated etc and wanted to break up she couldn't tell me and I had to find out from the other man just because it was killing her inside. Fair enough she shouldn't have done it but once she had, the thought of hurting me was killing her so she emotionally distanced herself. The problem is if you cant trust your partner who can you trust: The simple answer is when a person deserves trust you give them it.

 

Anyways i think im rambling but I hope things are getting better with you x

[coltsfan1]

thanks alwayshoping, I have trouble believing she ever really cared now, she could have left and then did whatever she was going to do. Just hurts to know someone else let you down and you let them down too. I live with many regrets and I know that I will not make the same mistake again.. That is the measure of a true learning experience. I have read and reread so many posts from how to deal with a break up to if/when they come back. All I want is to put it into a box and give it away so that I can get back to school, work, saving money, and just generally moving forward. She will meet someone new and so will I and I try to not make it a p*ssing match, I try to not be where she is not only to avoid her but to give her space and time to become whatever she needs to be.

[coltsfan1]

I wonder so many things now. Why would I ever want to be with someone who has treated me with such contempt, she is aa vile person. I wonder how I didn't see it, or did I and choose to ignore it out of the hope she would change, there are so many things going threw my head now. I just want to get to the stage where I hate her and then to the stage where I don't care any more.

[alwayshoping]

Don't try predict the stages of grief, you do not have to pass through anger to realise it didn't matter and you no longer care. Jusy take your time coltsfan. Things will get better. I'm sure the next and hopefully final girl you meet will show you exactly what all the torment of your ex was for. This is going to allow you to appreciate all the small things so much!

[coltsfan1]

alwaysshopping- I olny say that from reading on here about the general stages of coping, i am full aware that I will never hate her nor do i want too. That is baggage I don't want to care, but if discuss is what I need im fine with that. After everything that she has done last time and this time we have to go our seperate ways. I am just dealing with the betrayal and it doesn't get any easier that people that know us both have told me that tabs are being kept, she knows im the best thing that has happened to her, and she will contact me. She just needs to fade away, she has done that in my life. Now if i can help to have it happen in my mind then all worries are solved.

[coltsfan1]

I don't post here much but I do read constantly!! I have been NC since August of 2010. I just feel like posting, I still miss my ex and so many thoughts wonder through my head daily. She is I am sure with someone new and that is fine.

 

After many months of NC I can say that the hurt is gone, I am NOT over her. I am slowly getting myself back though that is for sure. I miss her voice, touch, friendship and child. My heart breaks for the way things turned out. She and myself have lost friends and made enemies.... I don't really know if I handled post break up correctly but I did my best!!! So many things occurred that can not be over looked or forgiven, I still struggle with it daily! I look forward to the day that it won't bother me, and when I can look at myself and truly be fine with it!!

 

But to ALL that want a second chance from someone that ripped your soul from your chest, I am here to say DO NOT do it!! From my experience and life lessons they will only do it again.... About 10% of second chances will work that is it. Believe me roll the dice and try again I did I am not sorry for it. But the hurt will take a toll if it doesn't work out!! So make your way carefully!!!

[wilsonx]

I don't post here much but I do read constantly!! I have been NC since August of 2010. I just feel like posting, I still miss my ex and so many thoughts wonder through my head daily. She is I am sure with someone new and that is fine.

 

After many months of NC I can say that the hurt is gone, I am NOT over her. I am slowly getting myself back though that is for sure. I miss her voice, touch, friendship and child. My heart breaks for the way things turned out. She and myself have lost friends and made enemies.... I don't really know if I handled post break up correctly but I did my best!!! So many things occurred that can not be over looked or forgiven, I still struggle with it daily! I look forward to the day that it won't bother me, and when I can look at myself and truly be fine with it!!

 

But to ALL that want a second chance from someone that ripped your soul from your chest, I am here to say DO NOT do it!! From my experience and life lessons they will only do it again.... About 10% of second chances will work that is it. Believe me roll the dice and try again I did I am not sorry for it. But the hurt will take a toll if it doesn't work out!! So make your way carefully!!!

 

I agree with this as far as it hurting worse, it does my ex tried again and same thing happened except it hurt 15xs worse. Create personal boundaries for yourself so you do not do this to yourself. I have never been this messed up before from a breakup

[coltsfan1]

I agree with this as far as it hurting worse, it does my ex tried again and same thing happened except it hurt 15xs worse. Create personal boundaries for yourself so you do not do this to yourself. I have never been this messed up before from a breakup

 

I have took a stand and will not back down... It has ripped my heart out and I have grown so much... It is a shame for two people to spend so much time together and have to hate\despise each other. But it was her choice to end things the way she did not mine!