HurtinginVA Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 *sigh* Been thinking a lot about hubby's job this morning so thought I would get some opinions.....for those that dont know, quick re-cap: Found out about 3 weeks ago that hubby was having an affair(short lived, little more than a month) We hit some bumps but now we're in the "working it out" mind set. One thing that really bugs me is his job. He's a Private Investigator which equals long hours(12-16 per day), and lots of out of town stuff. He started this new job in September, affair began in October(end of the month). I keep making the connection in my mind that this job is probably one of the reasons why he strayed. I dont think he feels that way. He REALLY likes the work he does, and doesnt want to quit. Ive made little comments here and there about how I dont like it and how it takes so much time away from "us" and our family, and he always comes back with "It's like this because I just started, things will get better in a few years etc etc" He talks about opening his own company but in VA you have to have 5 years experience in this field before you can open your own. 5 YEARS!! I dont think I am in any position right now to offer an ultimatum to him, it would most likely backfire, and even if he did quit, Im afraid he would resent me for it. Since I found out about the affair he hasnt had to go out of town, or at least not so far out that he couldnt come home. His boss called last night wanting him to work this weekend(leaving Friday night and not returning until Sunday night), and he will be going about 4-5 hours drive time away. Too far for him to come home and go back and forth; he has to report to place at 6am. The city he is going to is is less than 30 mins from where he and the OW used to party together. After I heard his boss ask him to go, he asked me if I was worried about it because I shouldnt be. He wasnt going to call or get up with her or anyone else. I guess the whole affair is just such a fresh raw wound that him going out of town for the weekend is killing me. Should I say anything? Should I just shut up and show him that I am trying to trust him? Blah. Nothing is ever easy, I swear. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Wow, Hurting. This seems like an impossible situation for you. Particularly since he will be gone over the entire New Year's weekend. I don't even know what to say at this point to make you feel any better. I can only imagine, that if it were "me," I might be tempted to hire a private investigator of my own at this point. Will he be calling you from the hotel phone (not his cell) during his "off" hours? He should be willing to do this for you just to ease your mind. If I were trying to earn back the trust of someone I betrayed, I'd be willing to do as much...even assure them that they can reach me at any time...and make darn sure I was available. I just feel so bad for you. It seems "you" are the one walking around on eggshells just appease "him." Can't help but feeling it should be the other way around. Are you seeing a councilor yet? Perhaps they might be able to offer you some "real time" support and advice during this crucial time. Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 I agree totally with Enigma. He really should be doing all he can to ease your very valid worries and insecurities. Also, did you and he actually discuss why he had the affair in the first place? Is this his first? Unless you try to understand why he strayed, how can you be reassured it won't happen again. Him promising you it won't isn't good enough when your faith in him is already shattered. Good for you for standing by him, though. Affairs don't always mean a marriage or relationship is over. Everyone is allowed to make a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackie428 Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 You say your husband is a private investigator. Is he a former cop? I was once married to a DEA Agent (Sheriff's Dept). Hate to say this but every cop in his squad was cheating on their wives. FYI - the girlfriends on the side are called "Chips". See if he knows what that word means. Cops, P.I.'s and Agents have perfect jobs - the excuse of "I'm on a stakeout - can't tell you exactly where I am" is used time and time again for more than one reason! Good luck to you - hope you can work it out. If not move on. "All the good ones are married - but so are ALOT of the bad ones!" Link to post Share on other sites
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