Can't stop breaking my heart over stripclub

[meerkat stew]

Thanks for yr comments guys but yr slightly going off my point. I didn't say I was stopping or breaking up with him for going. It's his best mates stag there is no way Id not let him go, i just need some advice on how to cope. As I said it deeply hurts me the thought of him getting turned on by these strippers. He says he won't but I'm not stupid men cant help themselves. To most I may seem like crazy but I can't get my head around him looking at another girl like that. I go to great lengths to be beautiful and fulfilling for him, it annoys me so much that once he sees theses girls il go straight out of his head. I just want to be like a normal girl and not feel so saddened by this. I cAn't cope :-(

 

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Take your mind off this with some humor. Rent some funny videos, read a joke book.

[AAlike]

I go to great lengths to be beautiful and fulfilling for him, it annoys me so much that once he sees theses girls il go straight out of his head.

 

Honey -

 

This is the part of your post that I think is the crux of your problem, and also seems to be the recurring theme when women have issues with strip clubs, or a guy's supposed "wandering eye".

 

Why do you think that the instant your BF sees these girls that you will "go straight out of his head?"

[Barky]

All I can is that I'm glad I'm not Eeyore's boyfriend! Sounds like a real prima donna.

 

Anyway, look, if you think your boyfriend "shouldn't" be attracted to any woman but yourself, and if he ever is, then you dump him... well then you're taking yourself WAY too seriously and are going to have a rude awakening some day.

 

Men like to see naked female bodies. Most men, not all. If that's a problem for you, you can either 1) stop taking yourself so seriously and lighten up OR 2) find one of the few men who doesn't like looking at any other female body except yours.

 

Simple as that. You laid down your cards by telling him you didn't want him to go (I'm assuming). He told you "tough s*** I'm going." And that's that. If you have a problem with it, dump him. If he has a problem being in a relationship with a woman who takes herself way too seriously and can't cope with the fact that she doesn't have total control over his sexual fun, then he'll dump you.

 

These things have a way of working themselves out

[1_trick_pony]

There's probably no way you're going to take comfort in this but 90% of the time, its the truth. Your BF going to a strip club and admiring the women he sees has NOTHING to do with you. He will not be comparing, he will not be wishing you were like them, he will not want them more than you. It's simply a fantasy very similar to porn.

 

My BF is an executive that gets taken to strip clubs regularly for 'customer meetings'. Does it thrill me? Not exactly, but I don't take it personally. I know he finds other women attractive, it's okay, I think its natural, he's human. I'm totally in love with him but it doesn't mean I can't appreciate an attractive man when I see one. Doesn't mean I don't look twice and a hottie on the beach. It doesn't compromise my love for him. It's the the same with strip clubs to a degree.

 

The best way I can tell you to cope is to not take it personally and you have to keep reminding yourself that. IT HAS NOTHING to do with you. It doesn't speak to his attraction, his love or his devotion to you.

 

Secondly, do communicate with him and tell him you're uncomfortable with this. Tell him you trust him enough not to 'forbid' him from going but tell him it would help to have discussion about it possibly laying down some boundaries or ground rules that will help bring you comfort. If he's a good guy, and he loves you, which I hope he is considering you're marrying him, he will probably be eager to help put your mind (and maybe his ) at ease about this whole situation.

 

Best of luck

[1_trick_pony]

Also, in your dialogue, ask him to give you a ring once or twice, just to touch base. You can't ask or expect him to call every 15 minutes, but maybe once on a pee break and once when they're leaving. When I was first dealing with my BF going to strip clubs, this helped me a lot. It just makes you feel closer and more grounded in a situation you're not comfortable with.

[Honeybeeme]

that makes me feel an awful lot better i dunno im just imagaining these glamazon women like on the movies but yeah i suppose they would look tacky as hell, well i hope anyway ! i think i need therapy though my eyes are still welting up! boo who

[sid3]

yeah nothing like seeing strippers that would look better with their clothes on. cellulite, stretch marks, and pimply bottoms. OP, not every strip joint has the playmate of the year kind of stripper. Many are just average girls, some working for school, kids, more are working for drugs.

[D-Lish]

I wouldn't have an issue with my bf going to a SC for a stag!

If you can't trust your partner, you shouldn't be with him, that's the bottom line. You can't control or shame your partner into doing what you want, it's totally unreasonable and ridiculous.

[sid3]

I wouldn't have an issue with my bf going to a SC for a stag!

If you can't trust your partner, you shouldn't be with him, that's the bottom line. You can't control or shame your partner into doing what you want, it's totally unreasonable and ridiculous.

 

True, and your a good woman D. I think if it was a habit, where he frequently went it would be cause for concern. I went to one when I was younger, wasn't impressed, my gf wasn't happy, when another one came around I didn't go, I had been there done that.

[animalinthemist]

when i was younger, i dumped my bf for going to a strip club. or it was a lapdance (private) that he had.

i saw the receipt in his wallet, he admitted it. it was really sad.

[Dark-Farmer]

Dumping your boyfriend for a lap dance is a lot different. He paid to have a stripper dangle everything in touching distance right on his lap. Attending a stag is fine. It is about intent, If he intends to oogle stripers it could very well be wrong. But a stag ... come on. He just doesn't want to miss out on his buddy's stag.

 

You should be able to trust your man not to do anything inappropriate

eeyore's view that it is "sexual contact" is bull, in a strip club there is no contact unless you make it. As long as your not desperately waving dollar bills in the front row or getting lap dances it's generally pretty innocent.

 

If it makes you uncomfortable, i also agree that's fine. And if it wasn't a "very" special "one time" occasion and you asked him not to go, he definitely shouldn't go. But for a stag "ie one time only" any women that trusted her man would let him go.

 

The only two reasons you wouldn't let him is you don't trust him enough or you want to control him.

 

As for degrading, it's not. Only someone not hot enough to be a stripper would say that ... joking i just had too haha. My exGf knew a stripper that really liked her job. So some girls actually like doing it, on the other hand some are financially forced in to it. So it could be degrading (ie you're forced), then again it could be liberating (ie you actually enjoy it). And face it their not doing it for free, there is big bucks in stripping.

[Barky]

Strange how there are so many posts about women being upset over strip clubs and porn on LS.org. Never met any who disliked the two in my life, yet there's a glut of complaints here.