BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 You let him rub your belly? and hold your hair back??? I would be floored!!!!! Imagine yourself where he is...if he got back with his ex while you were pregnant..you wouldn't be having it! He has every right to ask Paternity..you would do the same. You didn't just cheat on him physically but also emotionally! Link to post Share on other sites
pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Because he is lost...He probably wants to save the relationship because he loves you and you two are about to have a family but he is also at a very poor state mentally right now. He's feeling insecure, not good enough, weak, etc...So he just isn't sure. If he doesn't come for a month or so its probably because he is sorting things out in his head and just isn't ready to come...When he is ready he will speak and come or he will just tell you what he needs to say. As I said previously you two were taking that step to be legit. You were going to be his wife. It's different when its just boyfriend girlfriend phase even when feelings are so strong because you aren't "engaged" and its easier. It's on another level emotionally because you two were... Link to post Share on other sites
pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 But also on your part you need to do some soul searching and figure out for yourself if this is where you want to be. Cut the baby out of the picture, cut the mistake, cut the engagement. Do you love him? Are you ready to devote yourself to one person for the rest of your life? These are questions you need to ask yourself because it doesn't really seem like you were ready. And if you two do get back together do yourselves a favor and push the date back atleast 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Brady_to_Moss Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 Why does he want your passwords? Hmmm maybe becasue you broke his trust and you can never be trusted again. Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 He doesn't make any sense. I'm pregnant with his child, does he not even want to try for the sake of the child? He makes perfect sense. The woman he loved and was planning to spend his life with and create a family placed a fumble with an ex over your future together, whilst PREGNANT with his baby!! I can't believe he hasn't thrown you out already. If you want to stay with him you had better change your attitude quick and stop acting like he's overreacting. Be there for him, see how he feels as time goes on, admit full responsibility and just hope for the best. There is absolutely nothing you can do now to save this, it's in his hands and to be honest I would start expecting the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 You actually told him that you told your ex that you love him and wished it was his baby? And you wonder why he wants to write a letter stating the wedding is off. Good for him. This whole thread has been about you and your desire to be forgiven. Nothing about the gut wrenching pain your exfiance is going through. Especially finding out you didn't want this to be his baby. What the hell do you want him to say to the counselor? You pretty much said it all. He would be a fool to marry someone who was wishing he was someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 reservoirdog1 - thanks...guess i'll sit back and do what I can. I'm not thrilled about him being so adamant in sending a letter saying the wedding is cancelled (vs postponed) but I'll let him to what he feels is best. It' s a bit embarassing.... No, embarassing would be calling people and telling them that the wedding was cancelled because you cheated. Are you sure you are ready to be married? You are having such a difficult time taking responsibility for what you've done it makes me wonder if you are yet matured to handle something like a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I'm pregnant, I'm getting bigger and I don't feel that he is attracted to me anymore. My hormones are raging and I want him to show me he loves me...is that too much to ask? Considering what you've done - yes, it is way too much to ask. He clearly doesn't love you anymore, but you are pregnant with his kid (or so you say) and he is trying to do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 He told me that he wanted all my passwords and logins to everything and wanted complete transparency. I don't feel like I should be put under constant surveillance. It's controlling and makes me uncomfortable. I know I betrayed his trust and loyalty but why put these kinds of stipulations on things...it doesn't help mend trust. Gee....maybe it's because you are a cheater and a liar and he has a good reason to mistrust you?? Do you think that's a possibility? Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I'm not thrilled about him being so adamant in sending a letter saying the wedding is cancelled (vs postponed) but I'll let him to what he feels is best. It' s a bit embarassing....lol... He has to tell his friends and family that his pregnant fiance cheated on him and YOU are the one who is embarrassed... get that **** outta here. Link to post Share on other sites
pepsi Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I agree...You shouldn't be complaining about anything he is doing if you want even the slightest chance of him to be able to atleast try to make it work if he asks for your myspace password you should give him that plus your facebook and show you have no reason but honestly I don't know if I could even live if the woman who was pregnate with my child told an ex that she wished it was his...I think I'd move to the corner of the planet. It's not like you just messed up and you werent pregnate. That is the biggest thing. Not even that you were engaged but you were carrying his child. He probably doesn't even know if it is his or not...Your going to have to basically allow him to say/do whatever he wants if you want the chance to be with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttnutter100 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Tabitha, First of all, even given the horribleness of what you've admitted to him, most likely the true reality is even more horrible. It's at least reasonably likely that you had unprotected sex with your ex while pregnant with your fiance's baby. Now that's a sweet image--your ex's semen drenching your fiance's baby in utero. Most likely splashed the little tyke right in the face with your ex's DNA. I can imagine nothing more disgusting then my pregnant wife or girlfriend having sexual relations, of any kind, with some other dude. O.K. maybe I'm being a little harsh. Maybe you didn't have intercourse. So what made you throw up? Did something make you gag in that hotel room? Next time tell the ex to drink pineapple juice first, it makes it taste sweeter. And of course it's also reasonably likely that you've been boffing the ex and the baby actually IS the ex's. Do I believe that all that happened with your ex was a little tummy rubbing? No I do not believe your story. You're selfish. You're immature. You're a skank and a ho. And of course, an insane liar. That's why your fiance is acting so weird. Who would want to marry what you are? He can never ever trust you again. For the rest of the marriage he's got to worry about you getting randomly gang-banged by truckers in the parking lot of a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike. I'd wager the ONLY reason he hasn't kicked you to the curb already is on the off chance that the fetus MIGHT be his. Go back to your ex Tabitha. You're livin' the dream. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Do I believe that all that happened with your ex was a little tummy rubbing? No I do not believe your story. Good call. When I was reading the part about 'tummy rubbing' and holding back her hair, I was like, yeah right, that's all they did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tabitha1985 Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 Well it's over..probaby no surprise for some of you. He actually spoke up this evening in counseling and said he has taken all he could take and cannot sleep, cannot eat and barely wants to get out of bed. He put the final nail in the coffin. I admit I was way out of line but I did not expect this. He said he regretted the day we met and he can no longer trust his judgement to pick a woman. The counselor was shocked, she didn't even try to help us work things out. He walked out about 15 minutes into the session. I can't believe it, I'm in shock. He said he would support the kid if it is proven to be his, and that he wants full custody. When I got back to the house a UHaul was already there and he was loading it up. I hope he realizes that I made a mistake and calls me to try to make things work. Thats all I can wish for, it's all in his hands. He didn't even say goodbye or hug me. I can't believe this...i can't beleive it. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I hope he realizes that I made a mistake and calls me to try to make things work. Thats all I can wish for, it's all in his hands. He didn't even say goodbye or hug me. I can't believe this...i can't beleive it. The best thing you can do for everyone involved is to give him full custody of the child, provided it's actually his (as he would obviously be a better parent than you), move on with your life, and let him move on with his. I don't think there's anything that can be done to salvage your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 (edited) We kissed and he left....I disappered for a bit and took him to the airport and we kissed in the car. I told him I loved him, missed him, thought about him all the time and the words I regret the most....I wish this was you and I having this baby but its not, you weren't ready. Somehow I missed this part when I first read the post. You mentioned that you were "way out of line" -- somehow, I don't think you understand the gravity of your actions. It doesn't seem like you've realized or accepted that you completely betrayed his trust, admitted that you wish you were having a baby with somebody else, and that he's understandably completely devastated by this. Knowing that's how you feel, I don't think you can realistically be terribly surprised that he's decided there's nothing left in the relationship to fight for. This is probably going to morph from a dying relationship into a life lesson, painfully learned. Sometimes, all you can do is wait for the dust to settle, clean up the wreckage, and move on. Edited January 29, 2010 by reservoirdog1 Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 If it's over than there is really nothing you can do anymore but learned from this and stop gas lighting your cheating. By the look of your thread, you were stating it as if it was no big deal and even degraded him for feeling very hurt. I think the top killer is when you told him about how you wished your ex was the baby's father and not him along with no complying to he wishes (you refusing to give out your passwords and logins when he asked you to). Even if you didn't have intercourse with your ex, he still sees any type of sexual/romantic act as intimacy you should only share with your partner. In his mind, he will view that in the same way as if you would have slept with your ex. The only hope for you is the kid and if he does want to work it out in the end after a long while, then be there for him and do not get defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Why are you so upset that your fiance left you, when you said this to your ex: I told him I loved him, missed him, thought about him all the time and the words I regret the most....I wish this was you and I having this baby but its not, you weren't ready. If this is how you truly feel about your ex, then I have a hard time believing that you actually are in love with or love your fiance. You may be having a baby with your (ex)fiance, but it appears that your heart is elsewhere and has been for a long time. Perhaps that's why you cheated - you knew deep down that you and your fiance shouldn't be married. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 what you did to your fiance was horrible and the fact that you show no real remorse and expect him to just get over it is even worse. Why in the world would anyone want to be married to someone that does that? you need to do some self evaluation before getting into another relationship because right now you are to self-centered Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I am sorry that your baby will have to suffer because of your selfishness. Whatever you do, do not get back together with your ex. You need to do whats right by your child and making life hard on the father will be detrimental on the childs upbringing Link to post Share on other sites
venus-blue Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 (edited) Now is your time to be humble, listen, and be held accountable for your actions. Welcome to adulthood. You can change and become a good mother. That should be your concern now. Edited January 29, 2010 by venus-blue Link to post Share on other sites
Buttnutter100 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Well it's over..probably no surprise for some of you. Tabitha anyone who cheats on a significant other is always taking a chance that their partner will want to break up with them if they find out about the betrayal. This is basic human nature and I don't really understand why it should surprise you in your case. In fact I have to tell you that your ex-fiance put a lot more effort into trying to make things work than many others would have. He actually spoke up this evening in counseling and said he has taken all he could take and cannot sleep, cannot eat and barely wants to get out of bed. Again this is not an unusual reaction from someone who has been cheated on. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't get out of bed, depression, etc etc etc. Finding out your SO has cheated on you is one of the absolute worst things that can befall a person. He put the final nail in the coffin. Honey I don't think you should blame any of this on your ex-fiance. I admit I was way out of line but I did not expect this. OK you thought you could get away with the cheating but you were wrong. Even if he had never found out about it, do you realize the cheating you did would still have been wrong? He said he regretted the day we met and he can no longer trust his judgment to pick a woman. Sounds like you've ruined him for any future relationships Tabitha. He can never trust himself to fully love/trust another woman. Again not surprising given the circumstances. The counselor was shocked, she didn't even try to help us work things out. He walked out about 15 minutes into the session. I can't believe it, I'm in shock. Assuming you care to tell us, I'd love to know what conversation was going on when he got up and walked out. I'll bet you probably said something that just was the straw that broke the camel's back. Do you remember what you said in counseling right before he walked out? He said he would support the kid if it is proven to be his, and that he wants full custody. When I got back to the house a UHaul was already there and he was loading it up. He's a good man Tabitha. Lots of guys in his situation would try to get out of supporting the child even if it was his. I hope he realizes that I made a mistake and calls me to try to make things work. Thats all I can wish for, it's all in his hands. He didn't even say goodbye or hug me. I can't believe this...i can't believe it. Maybe you should have removed the distributor cap from the U Haul? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Well it's over..probaby no surprise for some of you. He actually spoke up this evening in counseling and said he has taken all he could take and cannot sleep, cannot eat and barely wants to get out of bed. He put the final nail in the coffin. I admit I was way out of line but I did not expect this. He said he regretted the day we met and he can no longer trust his judgement to pick a woman. The counselor was shocked, she didn't even try to help us work things out. He walked out about 15 minutes into the session. I can't believe it, I'm in shock. He said he would support the kid if it is proven to be his, and that he wants full custody. When I got back to the house a UHaul was already there and he was loading it up. I hope he realizes that I made a mistake and calls me to try to make things work. Thats all I can wish for, it's all in his hands. He didn't even say goodbye or hug me. I can't believe this...i can't beleive it. Tabitha, I'm not going to kick you while you're down and call you a ho and a skank and the worlds most awful woman. I am sure you are in shock. To be honest with you, I think he left because he realised you won't take responsibility for what you've done and you do not understand the gravity of what you've done. For your sake, you need to focus on growing up and maturing..this will benefit the child also. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Call him and take full responsibility for your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tabitha1985 Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 Buttnutter: I was talking about how the ex wanted to make things work and how it felt kissing him (the weird feeling of it being wrong but not enough to stop me). He got up and left in mid sentence. The counselor didn't even try to stop him. The past few sessions he hasn't said anything, just stared at the floor. I was surprised he said anything last night, maybe he's been mulling it over. I guess I should have removed the distributor cap or let the air out of a tire or something. Last night I call him, he didn't answer...I call another time (around midnight) and he answered.; He was clearly drunk and at a bar. I waited at his place for 3 hours until he got home and was waiting. He let me in and we started talking but he passed out. I got him a blanket and pillow and laid beside him crying. I got his cell phone and figured out his code, his text messages to everyone were about me and how horrible I was and how poor of a mother I would be. He said he hoped it wasn't his baby and that I could run off to my ex as far as he was concerned. One of his friends suggested he go with him to a strip club, casino and try to get laid this weekend.....I can't beleive that. I kissed him and held him and he was responsive to the kiss until mid morning and then he told me to get out followed by "drive safe, its bad out". As bad as it sounds, I want to see whats on his computer as I think he's been up to something himself. He doesn't drink, he doesn't go to strip clubs and certainly trying to get laid by a stranger....so this is unusual. Its a good sign though that he let me kiss him many times right? He was kissing back at times also..that has to be good? Link to post Share on other sites
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