I am quite confident I will never hear from her again

[bananaboat11]

The fact that she dumped me over facebook mid november... said some really hurtful things to push me out the day of... blocked me, my best friend, defacebooked all my friends... (then unblocked just me... but I blocked her on FB)

 

...and I haven't heard from her since. I didn't hear from her on New Years Eve either...

 

...she is goooooooooone... goooooooooone... goooooooooone.

 

Interesting.

 

It's kind of annoying knowing she's out there ****ing some other guy (her recent ex + probably her best guy friend)

 

but.. I can't & shouldn't care.

[MySweetie'sGone]

 

but.. I can't & shouldn't care.

 

 

Unfortunately, you do care. That's just how it is. You care because deep down you can't really comprehend why she did what she did...as if you did something wrong. We try to dismiss these feelings by telling ourselves our exSO was just evil/heartless/deceitful..etc. but truthfully, deep down we don't even believe our own reasoning. After all, we chose them as our partner (or they chose us, blah:o) and how could we have possibly chosen to be with someone of an evil nature? We think we're smarter than that, better judges of character...and when our exes treat us like Nicole treated you (that's my middle name by the way) it makes us question everything we thought we knew...even about ourselves.

 

I understand how these thoughts can sneak up on you. I thought I was getting better this week...and suddenly this morning I woke up with a heavy heart and with tear streaming down my face (I mean was I thinking in my sleep too?? Is there no respite? geesh). We just have to take our minds off of it. As you told me..eventually at some point perhaps (hmmm that's a lot of maybes) they'll fill the void they created in themselved when they left. Definitely..maybe. Hey, isnt there a movie by that moniker?

[CaliGuy]

Consider her leaving you alone a blessing. She is allowing you the heal and move on. She is implementing NC, even if you don't want to.

 

It's much more cruel for a dumper to keep you around and pretend to be your "friend" all the while feeding off your emotional energy and draining you dry.

 

I know now it doesn't feel good now but like most medicine that is good for you, though it taste bad, you will feel better in the long run.

[Always A Lesson]

Banana I feel your pain. Without getting too deep, at one point i was fixated on getting that call too. It had become sic, what I did was get rid of the cell he had the number to. It was like, I regained a piece of my sanity. When the home phone rings now, I don't jump up to see the number. Something happened to me over time, this is not an issue anymore (2 almost3 months NC). I needed to get over the "Is it him?" issue. I really needed to be able to live in my own home in peace. Waiting by the phone had stolen my peace and I couldn't move forward in recovery.

 

At least this was one hurdle , I won.

 

I bet in the back of our X's minds, they have guilt and think of us often. There has been times when I've done a guy wrong and the guilt would eat me alive. I had to go back and try to make peace with that situation to move forward. Obviously, i have a conscious. If your X has any conscious at all, she HAS to think of you, it would be so UNNATURAL if she didn't. I know people are wired differently but , when you do someone wrong to someone you love , it has to stay in the back of their mind. This is why I try to live my life treating people as good as possible.

 

The way your X did you, just doesn't add up to me. She sexed you so hard and then dumped you on FB. I know she's young but one day, she has to look back at her actions. The guy she went to is probably cheating on her, because he has a sense of who she is. (flaky is what flaky does)

 

I'm rambling today..

 

I guess what I'm saying is, when someone breaks your heart, the heart breaker has to feel BAD, it's only natural, at least to someone with a conscious.

 

 

If I run into my X one day and I'm sure I will, I already have positioned myself to look the other way and not to speak to him. That will crush him!

 

As Always!

[prayingshecomesback]

Banana I feel your pain. Without getting too deep, at one point i was fixated on getting that call too. It had become sic, what I did was get rid of the cell he had the number to. It was like, I regained a piece of my sanity. When the home phone rings now, I don't jump up to see the number. Something happened to me over time, this is not an issue anymore (2 almost3 months NC). I needed to get over the "Is it him?" issue. I really needed to be able to live in my own home in peace. Waiting by the phone had stolen my peace and I couldn't move forward in recovery.

 

At least this was one hurdle , I won.

 

I bet in the back of our X's minds, they have guilt and think of us often. There has been times when I've done a guy wrong and the guilt would eat me alive. I had to go back and try to make peace with that situation to move forward. Obviously, i have a conscious. If your X has any conscious at all, she HAS to think of you, it would be so UNNATURAL if she didn't. I know people are wired differently but , when you do someone wrong to someone you love , it has to stay in the back of their mind. This is why I try to live my life treating people as good as possible.

 

The way your X did you, just doesn't add up to me. She sexed you so hard and then dumped you on FB. I know she's young but one day, she has to look back at her actions. The guy she went to is probably cheating on her, because he has a sense of who she is. (flaky is what flaky does)

 

I'm rambling today..

 

I guess what I'm saying is, when someone breaks your heart, the heart breaker has to feel BAD, it's only natural, at least to someone with a conscious.

 

 

If I run into my X one day and I'm sure I will, I already have positioned myself to look the other way and not to speak to him. That will crush him!

 

As Always!

 

Great post. Yes, we should treat people the way we would want to be treated. Unforunately, our ex's who left us for another person did not love us to begin with and could care less the way they left us or show any remorse. Maybe in the back of her mind they have guilt, but they are too selfish to think about it. Or us.

[prayingshecomesback]

The fact that she dumped me over facebook mid november... said some really hurtful things to push me out the day of... blocked me, my best friend, defacebooked all my friends... (then unblocked just me... but I blocked her on FB)

 

...and I haven't heard from her since. I didn't hear from her on New Years Eve either...

 

...she is goooooooooone... goooooooooone... goooooooooone.

 

Interesting.

 

It's kind of annoying knowing she's out there ****ing some other guy (her recent ex + probably her best guy friend)

 

but.. I can't & shouldn't care.

 

BTW, Caliguy is right... I am glad our ex's have put us in this strict NC. IT IS for the better. I know my ex is never coming back too... Not in a million years. Nowhere to go but up... start getting out there dating again. That's what I am doing. Its a contact sport, meaning the more contacts you make...the better chance you are going to find another girl you fall in love with all over again. It wont happen overnight, but dont give up hope!

[Always A Lesson]

Cali & Banana, it's encouraging to know that guys like you are still out there! !

 

This weekend , I went to a singles mingle, met a guy who was in awe of me!

 

Keep in kind I'm 40'sh but look 30'sh. Great genes!

 

I checked him out and found he was trouble. He mentioned something about a past R , I asked how did it end, he said he simply "walked away", that's how he ends them.... BEEP.....WRONG ANSWER......

 

Everything was written all over him, abusive, selfish, ignorant, jerk, angry....

 

I politely walked away, no more settling, I've become picky.

 

Can't lie , the evening was a confidence booster ! Momma's still got it!!! LOL

 

I deserve only the best.....and no more MM drama ( lying about filing for a D, just to find out they never had any intentions to begin with-stringing me along)

 

There's Better days ahead!

 

 

As Always !

[Howitzer]

Hey bananaboat, been reading your posts for the past month. Your ex is not with you now. Stop thinking of her as "belonging" with you. You're your own person now, so don't let someone else have this power over you. Shrug it off, and go on living your own life. Be independent, strong. Love yourself, and love the life you lead.

 

I know this is easier said than done, but I want to encourage you. I know you can do this.

[bananaboat11]

Hey bananaboat, been reading your posts for the past month. Your ex is not with you now. Stop thinking of her as "belonging" with you. You're your own person now, so don't let someone else have this power over you. Shrug it off, and go on living your own life. Be independent, strong. Love yourself, and love the life you lead.

 

I know this is easier said than done, but I want to encourage you. I know you can do this.

 

 

On the outside.. I shine confident, smart, sexy, alpha male.

 

Inside... i'm dead.

 

thanks though.

[0hpenelope]

Consider her leaving you alone a blessing. She is allowing you the heal and move on. She is implementing NC, even if you don't want to.

It's much more cruel for a dumper to keep you around and pretend to be your "friend" all the while feeding off your emotional energy and draining you dry.

 

I know now it doesn't feel good now but like most medicine that is good for you, though it taste bad, you will feel better in the long run.

 

Pretty much all of this with an extra special boost with the bolded statement. They won't be around when you're at your lowest.

 

Definitely much more cruel. Those exes that keep the people that they broke up with around for the sake of having a back-up plan in case they made a mistake. Well... that's their bed that they made. They should lay in it.

[bananaboat11]

And I haven't ignored the other comments - I am actually very thankful for them... i'm trying to muster up the courage to respond....

[alphamale]

dude you can find another chick, they're all interchangeable sort of like legos

[MySweetie'sGone]

dude you can find another chick, they're all interchangeable sort of like legos

 

Legos? That's new...lol

[0hpenelope]

You know bb, you seem more restless compared to how you've been in the past few days and I'm wondering what's really the root of this. I'm responding to the most recent posts in your "If you saw them on Valentine's Day" here because this thread seems to be more appropriate to the topic.

 

So you miss her. K, we know that.

 

What else is happening w/ you personally, academically, etc.? Is there anything happening right now that would have you turn to her for comfort were she around? Because sometimes it's not really the person that we're missing, it's just that we're having a not-so-good day and we just need someone to talk to.

 

I don't mean to say that you should confide here where everyone in the internet can see it, but I'm suggesting that there might be something more to what you're feeling than the feeling of missing her. Find out and confront it. It's just that right now, this girl & the break-up is your tick so whatever's bothering you is triggering the feeling of missing her.

 

Do I make sense? And I'm sorry if I overstep my boundaries. This is the dip in the roller coaster I suppose, but you gotta ride the slope upwards and get out of that valley.

[bananaboat11]

You know bb, you seem more restless compared to how you've been in the past few days and I'm wondering what's really the root of this. I'm responding to the most recent posts in your "If you saw them on Valentine's Day" here because this thread seems to be more appropriate to the topic.

 

So you miss her. K, we know that.

 

What else is happening w/ you personally, academically, etc.? Is there anything happening right now that would have you turn to her for comfort were she around? Because sometimes it's not really the person that we're missing, it's just that we're having a not-so-good day and we just need someone to talk to.

 

I don't mean to say that you should confide here where everyone in the internet can see it, but I'm suggesting that there might be something more to what you're feeling than the feeling of missing her. Find out and confront it. It's just that right now, this girl & the break-up is your tick so whatever's bothering you is triggering the feeling of missing her.

 

Do I make sense? And I'm sorry if I overstep my boundaries. This is the dip in the roller coaster I suppose, but you gotta ride the slope upwards and get out of that valley.

 

 

Heh... you're not over stepping your bounds. You're probably right. My ego took a hit, yes. She left me with no answers, but only speculation. I'll never know if I truly was JUST a rebound, or more.... I only assume I was.

 

And now... all my close friends are with their s/o's this time of year (with valentine's day) and I need to be alone this 'season'... I'm still reflecting upon myself. I feel nothing inside and I cannot share the sentiment of the day with anyone. A fabricated holiday by greeting card / candy companies or not....

 

I know I'm not alone for eternity.

 

I just... want to be happy. I guess I lied to myself that my last relationship was healthy... and even though I don't believe I did anything wrong... I did myself wrong by pursuing the relationship further.

 

My confidence is shaken, my heart is torn, my eyes are bleeding, my life is worn. heh, I should be a poet.

 

Don't know anymore.

[0hpenelope]

Heh... you're not over stepping your bounds. You're probably right. My ego took a hit, yes. She left me with no answers, but only speculation. I'll never know if I truly was JUST a rebound, or more.... I only assume I was.

 

And now... all my close friends are with their s/o's this time of year (with valentine's day) and I need to be alone this 'season'... I'm still reflecting upon myself. I feel nothing inside and I cannot share the sentiment of the day with anyone. A fabricated holiday by greeting card / candy companies or not....

 

I know I'm not alone for eternity.

 

I just... want to be happy. I guess I lied to myself that my last relationship was healthy... and even though I don't believe I did anything wrong... I did myself wrong by pursuing the relationship further.

 

My confidence is shaken, my heart is torn, my eyes are bleeding, my life is worn. heh, I should be a poet.

 

Don't know anymore.

 

Yeah, it's normal. Valentine's Day is understandably difficult for the lonely-hearted and I think most of us just deal with it one way or the other. Some do via a healthy way, while others nurse their 6-pack of their preferred alcoholic drink. Though it can be argued that alcohol is healthy, in moderation. Hah!

 

Is there any single girl that you'd like to take out just for the day? A good friend did that on his first Valentine's Day as a single boy (not quite a man yet) after a 3-year relationship. He established boundaries and from what I heard, he and the girl (who's also a good friend of mine. Very sweet girl.) had a good time. They didn't hook up, they're not boyfriend/girlfriend. He wasn't ready for a relationship anyway and I would've spoken to him about it if something happened. Rebounds backfire and create entirely new unnecessary dramas.

 

Is that an option that you might be ready for? I'm just suggesting.

 

That's right! You won't be alone for eternity. If you want a relationship, it's going to happen for you.

Edited January 29, 2010 by 0hpenelope
I misunderstood something in the quote. Whoops.

[bananaboat11]

Yeah, it's normal. Valentine's Day is understandably difficult for the lonely-hearted and I think most of us just deal with it one way or the other. Some do via a healthy way, while others nurse their 6-pack of their preferred alcoholic drink. Though it can be argued that alcohol is healthy, in moderation. Hah!

 

Is there any single girl that you'd like to take out just for the day? A good friend did that on his first Valentine's Day as a single boy (not quite a man yet) after a 3-year relationship. He established boundaries and from what I heard, he and the girl (who's also a good friend of mine. Very sweet girl.) had a good time. They didn't hook up, they're not boyfriend/girlfriend. He wasn't ready for a relationship anyway and I would've spoken to him about it if something happened. Rebounds backfire and create entirely new unnecessary dramas.

 

Is that an option that you might be ready for? I'm just suggesting.

 

That's right! You won't be alone for eternity. If you want a relationship, it's going to happen for you.

 

Thanks, J.

 

Taking a good friend out is probably not a good idea for me now... to look into their eyes and see myself in them... the gaze... her eyes... the look... the compassion... the company... it just isn't the same. This is too new.. too fresh of a break to try to establish greater boundaries, even if only with friends.

 

All I can see is my pain staring back at me when I close my eyes. I thought I was getting stronger. I don't miss... I don't lust... I can speak her name again and not draw back into myself. I truly... unimpassioned and detached from those 'warm' emotions. Those borders & fences I took down for her after having a guard up... have reinforced themselves around my heart. That's not a healthy state.

[0hpenelope]

Thanks, J.

 

Taking a good friend out is probably not a good idea for me now... to look into their eyes and see myself in them... the gaze... her eyes... the look... the compassion... the company... it just isn't the same. This is too new.. too fresh of a break to try to establish greater boundaries, even if only with friends.

 

All I can see is my pain staring back at me when I close my eyes. I thought I was getting stronger. I don't miss... I don't lust... I can speak her name again and not draw back into myself. I truly... unimpassioned and detached from those 'warm' emotions. Those borders & fences I took down for her after having a guard up... have reinforced themselves around my heart. That's not a healthy state.

 

:nods: I understand. Thank you for entertaining my suggestions. Some people in your position wouldn't even bother and it's good that you're not turning away from it. I wouldn't have been able to do what you have done just now when I was in your place.

 

You really do have to master yourself first, hon. I've noticed that the ones who really know themselves are the ones who get off none the worse for wear when it comes to hurts like heartbreaks. Heartbreaks not exclusive to romantic ones. Somehow they learned how to share and give themselves away, but when they need to go, they're able to just let go. They have a hard time doing so, but they're confident in who they are and what they're worth. It doesn't mean it's because they didn't care as much, but it's usually because they've gone through something that's gotten them on their knees from the pain, too.

 

They don't want a repeat of that.

 

Is this affecting your academic work?

[bananaboat11]

:nods: I understand. Thank you for entertaining my suggestions. Some people in your position wouldn't even bother and it's good that you're not turning away from it. I wouldn't have been able to do what you have done just now when I was in your place.

 

You really do have to master yourself first, hon. I've noticed that the ones who really know themselves are the ones who get off none the worse for wear when it comes to hurts like heartbreaks. Heartbreaks not exclusive to romantic ones. Somehow they learned how to share and give themselves away, but when they need to go, they're able to just let go. They have a hard time doing so, but they're confident in who they are and what they're worth. It doesn't mean it's because they didn't care as much, but it's usually because they've gone through something that's gotten them on their knees from the pain, too.

 

They don't want a repeat of that.

 

Is this affecting your academic work?

 

At first I thought it wasn't, but I believe it is... after today. hm.

[0hpenelope]

At first I thought it wasn't, but I believe it is... after today. hm.

 

Oh no... No, no, no. Please do something about it, ok? We have our bad days. We go off the map sometimes, but it's only temporary.

 

This is a little extreme, but have you considered taking the semester off? Do you think that it might be something that you need? Sometimes I feel like I should've done that, but well... too late now for me.

 

Is your research something that you can pick up during the summer with your faculty advisor? We do that in our university. That way, it's a good segue into the fall semester.

[bananaboat11]

Oh no... No, no, no. Please do something about it, ok? We have our bad days. We go off the map sometimes, but it's only temporary.

 

This is a little extreme, but have you considered taking the semester off? Do you think that it might be something that you need? Sometimes I feel like I should've done that, but well... too late now for me.

 

Is your research something that you can pick up during the summer with your faculty advisor? We do that in our university. That way, it's a good segue into the fall semester.

 

 

i probably just need a good cry...

 

i'm so fake right now. on the outside, i know i'm attractive, fit, confident, sexy, intelligent, and all those lovely adjectives i don't wish to utter...

 

inside, i'm dead... void... emotionless... hurt... scared... crying

[0hpenelope]

i probably just need a good cry...

 

i'm so fake right now. on the outside, i know i'm attractive, fit, confident, sexy, intelligent, and all those lovely adjectives i don't wish to utter...

 

inside, i'm dead... void... emotionless... hurt... scared... crying

 

Yeah, it's definitely one of the down days tonight, huh?

 

From our very own Gunny376 (yes, I have this thread bookmarked): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t160909/

 

It's really a good reminder of why faking it 'til we make it is another way of dealing with a heartbreak. You don't want her to see this weak side of you: she'll get such a huge ego boost at your expense. You're grieving. Are you angry at her? I remember not being angry at L for a long time, but once I was, whooooo. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, indeed.

 

Anyway, Gunny's thread is probably something that you don't need to read or you're not ready to read right now, but I'll just leave the thread here for when you're ready and for anyone else who could use a reminder.

 

Thank you for an enlightening study break. I hope tomorrow's better for you. (And I still want to read some of your research if you were able to publish during your undergrad years! )

[ginyi1111]

Heh... you're not over stepping your bounds. You're probably right. My ego took a hit, yes. She left me with no answers, but only speculation. I'll never know if I truly was JUST a rebound, or more.... I only assume I was.

 

And now... all my close friends are with their s/o's this time of year (with valentine's day) and I need to be alone this 'season'... I'm still reflecting upon myself. I feel nothing inside and I cannot share the sentiment of the day with anyone. A fabricated holiday by greeting card / candy companies or not....

 

I know I'm not alone for eternity.

 

I just... want to be happy. I guess I lied to myself that my last relationship was healthy... and even though I don't believe I did anything wrong... I did myself wrong by pursuing the relationship further.

 

My confidence is shaken, my heart is torn, my eyes are bleeding, my life is worn. heh, I should be a poet.

 

Don't know anymore.

 

My feelings exactly...at times I blame myself for getting into this situation..because I cannot blame him...

[ella23]

Banana, have you spoken to a counsellor?

[Beeotch]

Consider her leaving you alone a blessing. She is allowing you the heal and move on. She is implementing NC, even if you don't want to.

 

It's much more cruel for a dumper to keep you around and pretend to be your "friend" all the while feeding off your emotional energy and draining you dry.

 

I know now it doesn't feel good now but like most medicine that is good for you, though it taste bad, you will feel better in the long run.

 

True.

 

My ex prior to this left me alone for a year. I didnt really know of the term NC then, but basically he fell off the planet. No calls, texts, emails, social networks, IM..NADA! I felt at the time that he was cruel and I wrote him an email saying all my feelings that he never responded to. Of course it hurt and I wondered about him....but honestly I got over it and met my current headache (ex) .

 

Looking back I can see how that NC on his part helped me. A year later he did email me on my birthday and explained why he did what he did, he said he felt it was better if he fell off the face of the earth, and now, I can totally agree and THANK him! I considered him evil, selfish etc at the time, but now going through what I went/am going through with this current ex who would text, call, break up with his rebound and come back seeming to want to change then find another rebound and is probably still gonna resurface again ---I can see the kindness in leaving that person aloooone! So I respect my previous ex for being mature and responsible in that regard to make a decision that he said hurt him and me but in the longterm was better off. I am not bffs with him, I think he still has feelings for me but it can't work for many reasons so we just text on like xmas, new years and other holidays BUT I could see myself actually being friends with him. I have no resentment and am healed from that.

 

My current ex? Needless to say he has many issues and it helps for me to see him as a wounded person versus a purposive a$$. BUT you're right, be grateful to be left alone. It is not easy, won't lie, but in the end you will see how useful it is.