The perfect guy kissed another girl and broke my heart.

[hayley-1989]

I'm 20 years old and I have been with my boyfriend since we were 15.

 

We didnt intend to be with each other this long, and I never thought i'd fall inlove so young, but i did.

 

For four years me and him have been perfect, and our friendship more than anything is amazing. We love each other to piece and he is my BEST FRIEND! But over last summer, we were fearing the whole univerity situation that was about to happen. We were off to different unis, but we knew we wanted to be with each other. We werent interested in the whole 'uni' experience with sleeping around etc, and we're still not.

 

We had a very tearful goodbye and left to lead our new lives. But within a week, him and his housemates brough a group of girls back after having a very heavy night of drinking, and he ended up kissing one of these girls multiple times throughout the night. Eventually he told her about me, and she told him it was wrong and they stopped then. As soon as he woke up he rang me and told me. He cried alot and he told me every detail. He cant keep anything to himself, he told me things i probably didnt need to hear- like he begged her to carry on kissing even though she said it was wrong. But when he sobered up, he couldnt believe what he'd done and told me straight away.

 

My instant reaction wasnt to break up with him, in fact...i thought to myself "well we're not finishing over this". Which i sometimes find odd. It's been 5 months now, and we've managed to stay together and have a good time at university. Our relationship is great and we're still very much inlove, but I cant ever be sure he won't do that again. Can I? I was soooo sure he couldnt be that type of guy, and so did all of our friends and family. His reputation has been described as tainted, and this was truly out of character. That why i'm still with him i think, because i still believe he's the same guy.

 

I think I know why he did it, we've only been with each other. I've thought about it too, and i've had the oportunities..but i never cheated. So i know what the temptation feels like, because we're young. I'm just upset that he went ahead and didnt think about my feelings. But he tells me how terrible he feels, and that he's learnt a lesson, that he had what he wanted the whole time...and kissing someone else has taught him that we're not missing out.

 

I've written this so that I can try and help other girls/guys like me, but also to ask others (guys and girls) how they've coped with things like this.

 

Thankyou.

[Skump]

^^^I've never met a man improved by alcohol.

 

To wit, your BF is young, free, dumb and drinking heavily - that's pretty much a recipe for infidelity.

 

If you want to save this relationship, I'd encourage both of you to enter into a pact not to drink significant amounts of booze during potentially compromising social events.

 

If he isn't willing to make this agreement, just save yourself a lot of pain and end the relationship now. Because I can absolutely f*cking guarantee you that if he makes a habit of drinking heavily at college parties he will end up doinking some girl eventually.

[LucreziaBorgia]

In a situation like this, it is best to let go. You may or may not end up back together one day, but if you try to stay together and 'work it out' it will simply get worse and will go past the point of salvaging anything.

[Kelebek]

Hiya

 

I don't know if letting go is the best thing - you have to realise that you have something incredibly rare, something that not a lot of us can relate to, so advice is difficult. The bond you two have is precious. The closest I can relate to is that my best friend has been with her boyfriend since she was 15, and he was 17. They're now 24 and 26, and STILL blissfully happy! It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen, they love each other SO much. The rest of our crowd, we're all so jealous cos they're perfect!!

 

When they were about 2 years into their relationship, they both got spoked by how much they felt for each other...they were only kids. So they broke up,the most ridiculous idea ever but we were all just kids, it was hard. My best friend kissed another guy (I know it's not the same because they were out of the relationship) but she STILL hates talking about it, to this day. So does her boyfriend actually, he still hates the sound of the guys name, lol. She felt SICK. She just wanted her boyfriend back. They broke up for a good 3/4 months and when they got back together, it was forever. Neither of them feel they've "missed out" on any crazy experiences, they only want each other. It's rare, so rare that nobody really understands it unless you're IN it or as close as I am to her. I feel so lucky to have seen such a love...I'm the complete opposite, haha, so it's nice to see it happens somewhere!

 

So people will always be against you, they don't understand how you can be happy at such a young age. It used to really upset my best friend, having to defend herself all the time, but then she grew up and didn't care anymore because she was happy, and just felt sorry for all these people telling her to go out and sleep about while she was young, cos THEY obviously weren't happy, and maybe just jealous that they didn't get to experience such a thing.

 

I think (I HOPE) maybe the excitement of the first week at uni, being in a totally different environment, different people, all this CRAZINESS, just totally went to his head and combined with the alcohol, made him act totally out of character. I think yo were right not to hrow away SO much over so little. Of course, if he did it again - different story. If you feel secure, then go for it, I think you've got something wonderful. My best friend said a couple of years ago that she trusted her boyfriend so much that even if someone told her they'd seen him with someone else, she'd be like, "no, that wasn't him:)" - and it's true...I know a lot of posters on here will be sceptical, but it's rare *shrugs* so I understand that not many people get it. The idea of him cheating is ludicrous.

 

However, everybody is human - and if your second chance is working, then go with it. He's very lucky You both have a very valuable thing, take care of it

 

Good luck xxx

[Kelebek]

Eek - I just read over that - I absolutely did not mean to belittle your feelings when I said it was good that you didn't throw away so much over "so little" - of course it wasn't a little thing...it must have devastated you. I'm so sorry - I know what it feels like to be cheated on by someone you love. But I think in comparison to what you HAVE together, it's more important that you focus on the good part, 5 years is a long time. Really think you are strong for pulling through this and I hope it works out for you!

 

[hayley-1989]

Thankyou everyone

 

We will deffinatly stay together unless it gets bad....but i dont think it will get worse because it's got so much better since he did it. Don't worry it's ok to say it was something 'little' hehe. I've kind of convinced myself it way little, as it could have been worse! What you said about your friend who trusted their boyfriend 'too much' made alot of sence I think what I'VE learnt from this experience is that you can never know someone too much....not even yourself. Both me and him thought he'd never do that, but when temptation comes your way, and you're either drunk enough or foolish enough to loose all ability to resist...you're whole personality can change.

 

As for the drinking...that is one of the first things he told me, that he was never going to drink ever again. But i told him that was silly, and that university is about enjoying yourself. He still has drinks when he goes clubbing and has a house party, as do it. It's harmless, we don't go over the top, and we'll regret it if we don't. Its only like once a week.

 

Whenever he's out now, he sometimes comes home early to ring me because he misses me. He's even seen the girl he kissed in a club since and left the club because she was there. And rang me on the way home to tell me. It's constantly on his mind now, and he feels terrible. I think we can move on as there is no point what so ever breaking up if we both want to stay with each other. I'd be more miserable without him.

 

Thanks again!

[hayley-1989]

oo ps. If he does this again, then I will know it wasn't a mistake...and our relationship is infact not what he wants anymore. But i'm hoping he'd out right tell me and break up with me. Anyway, next time, we'd deffinatly have to end. x