cheated on my BF - purely sexual - no feelings - feel bad

[Dexter Morgan]

hey guys and gals !

 

Thank you all for your replies and good advice...

Although i knooooow the ideal situation would be to "confess" and try to start over with a clean slate.... i've decided to not tell...

 

I figure out that it would only hurt him and (even though some of you might not believe me) that is not what i want !!!

 

I've decided i will try and learn to live with the guilt but become a "better person" and not let it happen again

 

great, but if you are going to rob him of information that he can use to make informed decisions about his life, then you should break up with him and be that "better person" and "not let it happen again" with future relationships.

 

and if you were so worried about hurting him, you wouldn't have cheated more than once. nice try.

 

besides, why keep him around? you already admitted you aren't sexually attracted to him...so if you stay with him you WILL cheat again.

 

 

I think it would be too easy to "just give up now" and not work on this !

 

how do you work on a relationship when you continue to lie to him by keeping him in the dark?

 

I really do care about him and i want to make this work !

 

if you REALLY cared about him, you wouldn't have cheated.

[NervisPervis]

You do know you're going to cheat on him again, don't you?

 

Just out of curiosity, did you meet the other two skanks at a bar?

[Twenty-ten]

he is all i've ever dreamed of, but i just don't feel "completely satisfied"...

 

I doubt he is all you have dreamt of because a perfect mate is one you would also find sexually attractive. Do him a favor and end the relationship and stop this insane train that you are on before he catches on and you destroy his self esteem.

 

Do not tell him what you did, get out and leave him alone, that is the best thing you can for him. Chances are the sexual attraction won't grow with time.

 

On a personal note to you, you are clearly not ready for a committed relationship if you crave meaningless sexual hook-ups.

 

good luck

[make me believe]

I think you're making a big mistake by staying with your bf when you're not sexually attracted to him. You are going to keep getting emotionally involved and that's just going to make it even harder to break up down the line. Pretty soon you'll be joining those people in the Marriage/LTR forum who post things like "I was never attracted to my husband but married him anyway because he was such a great person.." These posts are always from people who are MISERABLE in their marriages, haven't had sex in months, etc.

 

So my advice is to get out now. I understand he is a good person, you care for him, etc. But if the sexual attraction isn't there now, it probably won't ever be there. How is somebody who you don't have great sex with "everything you've ever dreamed of?"

 

BELIEVE ME, dude, you can have the passion AND the love. I've been in your shoes (minus the cheating). I've been with guys who I had mind-blowing sex with but no real feelings for, and guys who I thought I was in love with but the sex/attraction was lacking. Now I'm with a guy who has BOTH of those qualities and I couldn't be happier!

[silic0ntoad]

Hey all,

 

This is "another one of those posts"... :-)

 

I have been seeing a great super sweet attentionate sexy cute guy for the past two months... we love to hang out, spend time together, kiss, cuddle, etc... but there is just one thing... he doesn't attract me sexually at all... it's so weird !!!!!!! he's quite handsome, but whenever he touches me "it just doesn't do anything for me"....

 

I have been single for 3 years and in the past years i've changed my sexual habits and likes a little... i have become accustomed to more "quick and dirty" almost "anonymous" encounters with not much affection involved... :-o (i know, not great...)

 

anyways... the thing is, i have cheated on my BF two times now...

both times were just quickies, purely physical, no kissing, or other emotional type of stuff.... it's almost as if there are two sides to my personality... one "affectionate household type of one" and one "dirty-er"... and these two just dont seem to go together...

 

i just feel sooooooo bad now, cuz this guys is SO nice to me and i feel horrible for doing this to him ! he just doesn't deserve this !!!!!

he is all i've ever dreamed of, but i just don't feel "completely satisfied"...

 

I don't know what to do i won't tell...i can't... i dont want to hurt him !!!! but (just like many others on here)... i don't know how to deal with the guilt !!! feeling bad and having remorse makes me feel like i "love him" even more... feel scared about loosing the affection i have from him... but at the same time i feel like i won't be able to be myself around him anymore... i will not be able to be "happy jolly and un-worried" me around him now.... and i'm afraid it will just make us drift a part...

 

sorry for my long vent !!!!!!! :(

 

if anyone has any advice, or just "words of wisdom"... i'd be glad to hear it ! :-o

 

Peace

SPT

 

Lolz. Well, I've been on the recieving end of this so here's my advice.

 

End the relationship.

Man up. Tell him exactly what you've done, and exactly why.

Do NOT date anyone else.

Get into therapy to figure out your choices and why this appeals to you.

 

 

If you don't you'll end up leaving a trail of bleeding hearts behind you. And, you won't have meaningful relationships. Finally, stop whoring about. Learn to keep it in your pants. You are disrespecting yourself, your current BF, and others.