He can't give me what I want now but maybe later?

[lillovergirl]

My BF dumped me last weekend because of the stress in his life or so he says. We were a little over a month shy of a year together. He does have certified stress but that is beside the fact. What is this BS that people say "I just can't give you what you want right now. But I am not saying that I will never be able to give it to you." ???

 

[malc]

I dont know what that BS is lillovergirl, but if you do find out what it is before I do, please let me know . I think it just means, I dont want you right now, but I will maybe come back to you later, so wait for me, dont move on and keep being in love with me, its a negative tactic from the other party to move on and be happy doing what they are, if they are seeing someone else or sorting out their life, but they still want them to know that you are in love with them, and not seeing someone else, as to have that control over you.

 

I am no expert lillovergirl, I have been left a few times in my life, most recently 2 weeks ago after a 4-5 month relationship so I have a bit of experience, but I would say, as everyone has said to me, dont waste your time, and your life waiting, and hoping and thinking, its negative energy, and does not make you feel better, I am not saying go and get someone else instantly, hell no, I couldnt do that either right now, but go do something constructive with your life, go and explore, change the world, do something you have always wanted to do, and think and admire yourself, if he truly loves you, he will see what he has missed out on and come back to you, this is your chance to shine.

[Silver_star]

Here it is. That same old bull**** that both guys and girls get during a breakup...Its not you, its me. Things are just sooo crazzzy right now that i need you out o fmy life, but hold on, ill come back and when i do i expect you and i to pick up where i left u.

 

You cant be that important to him if hes willing to throw it away. And just because he plans on coming back doesnt mean hes not throwing it away, he is. BEcause you will NEVER be the same...you will never trust that he wont up and leave. Just accept his goodbye and tell him that if he is leaving dont turn back, because you cant keep wasting your time on losers like that. I did...and it doesnt get any easier...you will only be back to the same spot over and over.

[bbrooke]

my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago.. we are one month shy of our 1 year anniversary. It started out that he needed some time to sort through stuff, then when i said i would give him as much time as he needed, Then he dropped the "I'm not in love with you" bomb on me. Monday: everything fine... Tuesday: world fell apart in the blink of an eye. We were Best Friends... I feel so lost without him in my life. I know what you are going through..

[lillovergirl]

Hey ladies... thanks for the feedback.

 

The day before the breakup, everything was fine or appeared to be. We did have a disagreement Friday evening but no biggie I thought. He was sick and not feeling well and I tried to comfort him and he snapped at me so I rolled over and went to sleep. Later he hacked and coughed and tossed and turned and I just tried to sleep to which he said later, "You can atleast act like you care!" This is a 44 year old man we are talking about here BTW!

 

I was a good friend to him, bent over backward for him and he was always so negative and uptight. Looking back, we started off really good and it felt special but towards the end, it was not all that fun being around him.

 

Let me tell you Brooke that your best friend doesn't do crap like this to you. As malc posted, there are a lot of cases where these guys are feeling out of control and think that this is the one area that they can have it, control over you.

 

I gave my ex an ulitmatium to commit to the relationship or lose it forever. He made his choice. Of course I felt used; he had no problem sticking his dick in my mouth a week prior so he can such his own now. He is a prick and I told him so. This one won't have the opportunity to string me along again.

 

I'm not bitter, but I don't like or respect my ex anymore.

[malc]

You cant be that important to him if hes willing to throw it away. And just because he plans on coming back doesnt mean hes not throwing it away, he is. BEcause you will NEVER be the same...you will never trust that he wont up and leave. Just accept his goodbye and tell him that if he is leaving dont turn back, because you cant keep wasting your time on losers like that. I did...and it doesnt get any easier...you will only be back to the same spot over and over.

 

This is the key quote and a crucial one, if he is willing to throw you away, you cannot be that important to him.

 

I picked up the pieces of a very lonely girl who was depressed, in confusion, and wanted company, I was a person to hug, shoulder to cry and lean on, and her whole support structure. Once she was cured of all this, I just became disposable, like one of the persons on this forum (Ginyi) says, like a paper cup that gets thrown into the trash can, discarded after use, just like that, I never did a thing wrong, and same reason, its not me, its her. I was happy before her, and she came along, and left me on a low, I was gullible and fool-like for looking out for her and caring for her.

 

The guy cannot expect you to be there for him when he decides to come back, what are you meant to do till then, is it really fair on you, dont be used, grow as an individual, your better then that and someone miles better will come along and hit you when you least expect it.

[ginyi1111]

You cant be that important to him if hes willing to throw it away. And just because he plans on coming back doesnt mean hes not throwing it away, he is. BEcause you will NEVER be the same...you will never trust that he wont up and leave. Just accept his goodbye and tell him that if he is leaving dont turn back, because you cant keep wasting your time on losers like that. I did...and it doesnt get any easier...you will only be back to the same spot over and over.

 

**chanting** Listen to Silver_star...listen to Silver_star...I'm not important enough to him....do not break NC....do not tell him how much I miss him.....DO NOT BREAK NC!!!!!! **chanting**

 

Lillovergirl....what an utterload of BS was that!! Does your ex even understand what r/ships are about?? If he knows he can give you that in the future what makes him think you are not sticking around for him??

[lillovergirl]

**chanting** Listen to Silver_star...listen to Silver_star...I'm not important enough to him....do not break NC....do not tell him how much I miss him.....DO NOT BREAK NC!!!!!! **chanting**

 

Lillovergirl....what an utterload of BS was that!! Does your ex even understand what r/ships are about?? If he knows he can give you that in the future what makes him think you are not sticking around for him??

 

Well he knows I am not sticking around for him, I told him I wasn't going to. Its too late for him. He lost. He is a loser.

 

Do not break no contact and don't regret not telling your ex how much you love him. If he cared enough, he would be there and you or I or anyone else would not be dealing with the emotions that we are having.

 

I used to stay friends with exes. I think it is possible after the smoke has cleared and the flame has died but in reality, what is the point? What useful purpose does it serve? And it also depends on the circumstances as well. In my case, the guy strung me along. After we broke up Sat. night, I got angry and wanted to get my stuff at his house. I asked him to put it outside and he didn't want to end it like that. I emailed him after giving him a chance to change his mind and reminded him that we were in the relationship in the first place because he had given me every indication that that was what he wanted. He called only to defend himself and I called him on this. More BS in my opinion.

 

What a jerk...

[malc]

There is no point in sticking around waiting, you, me, ginyi and all other species that have been hurt in the same way will agree with that. However slow it is, there has to be a point when moving on is required, for your own sake and sanity.

 

I am not sure how this will turn out with the German girl I most recently broke up with, but the last two exes, apart from them being on my facebook, we never talk at all, so I dont know if I would call that friends, they dont live in my city, so I never run into them, so I do not know how useful or necessary this is.

[twinklecat]

Hey lillovergirl, really sorry to hear of your situation, it really stings. I had similar sort of crap come out of my exes mouth, I love you not in love with you, it's not you it's me...I don't want to be with you at the moment bla bla, I don't want to upset you, but I later found out my ex had someone else in the wings. Obviously I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, so this is just from personal experience.

 

He fed me these lines to stay friends incase things didn't work out, so I wouldn't move on, so he could fall back on me if things didn't work with the new girl. So glad i realised this. I have been on NC since the day I moved out, at about 6 weeks now (I think) and have not looked back. Best thing I did, completely cut him out. He's now doing the same, not happy that I decided not to play that game with him, but boo hoo.

 

Yes it still hurts at times, but I do feel better for it, as I and you are worth WAY more than anyones fall back option. Take care, it really does get better, trust me x

[lillovergirl]

I know for a fact that there is no other girl. His financial sitution and his health issue prevents that. He can't have sex; well he can't go through the motions of sex because of the back stuff.