The brothers gone off the deep end.

[bluewolf17]

Hi Everyone!

 

MY BF's brother is 24. He is a good kid. He is VERY into his church and leads a clean life (no swearing, drinking, smoking, porn, kissing). My BF worrys about him. He went from being a "bad kid" (see above) to being saved and fully involved in church. Now I am all for church, it has done wonders for him, but here is my BF's concerns.

 

His brother just got engaged to a girl he has been dating for 4 months. They have never kissed, and have a rule on how long they can hug. There wedding is in two months (that's right, met and married in 6 months). To top it off, the brother has proposed to EVERY girlfriend he has been with. Regardless of if it's 5 weeks or 3 months of dating. 4 proposals before one said yes. My BF worries his brother is just WANTING to get married, and isn't being selecting. The fiance is nice enough..but the BF is just scared for his brother.

 

He is VERY naive, won't listen to any news on politics outside his church, refused to be around people outside his church. Certain members of the family fear it might be some sort of cult. Personally, I think church was a escape. It seems whatever he does, he does 190%. He goes crazy commited.

 

My question is, the brother asked my BF to be the best man. My BF of course said yes, but has asked me if I think he should talk to his brother, and tell him his concerns. The brother is very sensitive and prone to angry outbursts. I told my BF that its better to remain silent and supportive, then say something, upset him, and be exluded from the brother.

 

What are your thoughts? Oh, the Fiance is 22, both virgins, neither have jobs, both live at home...ugh...

 

And no, I don't approve, but unlike my BF, I prefer to just not say anthing, attend the wedding, and wish them well.

[Ronni_W]

Yep, I totally agree with you.

The guy is 24. Old enough to make his own decisions, choices and mistakes. It's not anybody else's business; not for anyone else to approve or disapprove. The guy is an adult and has the right to live his own life however he sees fit. If he makes mistakes, that's fine. We all make mistakes.

 

Besides, this may be the *perfect* match for both of them, and they will live long and happy.

So yeah...your guy should butt-out of the rest, and follow your wise lead: offer well wishes and support.

[alphamale]

What are your thoughts? Oh, the Fiance is 22, both virgins, neither have jobs, both live at home...ugh...

boy thats a train-wreck waiting to happen

[bluewolf17]

I am honestly trying not to judge..but it's so strange to me! To each his own. I really do hope it works out great! They both seem crazy religous, so maybe they are perfect together.

 

Yeah Ronnie, that's kind of what I thought. I told BF "what good will come of it?"

 

My BF seems to think he has some obligation to at least talk to him about it. I am thinking that's a bad idea! He said he has nothing to say in the best man speech..I said to make it up.

 

He has to plan the bachelors party..I suggested paintball?

[alphamale]

He has to plan the bachelors party..

i guess the nudie bar is out of teh question

[bluewolf17]

i guess the nudie bar is out of teh question

 

You would guess right. Along with drinking, filthy language, violent video games, smoking, etc.

 

I suggested a steak house, paintball, etc. Just guys hanging out and being "wholesome".

[SuburbanOblivion]

Smile and wish them well. Nothing good will come of trying to warn him off.

[threebyfate]

Whether this helps or not, my ex had a much older cousin who was like your BFs brother. He was a really wild teenager who got into drugs, finished high school then quit university, due to drinking and drugs. Then he found religion, pretty much a cult-type sect where they tithed the majority of their earnings, into the Church pot.

 

He met his wife within this extremist social circle, since no one socialized with anyone else outside of the cult, isolated away from family, and became a minister. 30 years later, they're still married with four children. It doesn't always end badly, albeit it's not the life for most people.

[norajane]

Has your bf ever visited his brother's church? Spent any time getting to know what their beliefs are? Maybe he could speak to the minister/pastor and find out if they have pre-marital classes. A lot of churches do this and they actually force the couple to think about the practicalities of marriage. It could do them a world of good.

 

You can't stop a wedding when they're so committed to it, but maybe the church can help them give it their best chance.

[bluewolf17]

Has your bf ever visited his brother's church? Spent any time getting to know what their beliefs are? Maybe he could speak to the minister/pastor and find out if they have pre-marital classes. A lot of churches do this and they actually force the couple to think about the practicalities of marriage. It could do them a world of good.

 

You can't stop a wedding when they're so committed to it, but maybe the church can help them give it their best chance.

 

MY BF has gone to the church, and he said he would never go back.. the church itself does not do pre-marital counseling. I wish they did!

 

They are a off branch of presbetarian (I know i spelled that wrong). Wacky stuff. But he is a good guy, just super extreme.

 

TBF-I am really happy to hear that your ex's cousin came through it just fine. That's my hope for this brother as well. His parents are the same way. Crazy religous, shut off..and they are miserable together. It's really sad.

 

So agreed, say nothing..wish them well. `

[Tayla]

Its absolutely okay to have in the biblical sense "ones brothers back". So speaking up and voicing ones' concern can have a positive result.

That person is then aware of what to look for and can nip it in the bud before it festers and does cause further damage.

 

I regret 100% not sharing with my son when he chose his betrothed. The warning signs were there from the moment the ring went on her finger. It would take the after math of a horrid divorce and custody for my son and I to discuss the real demise of that marriage in which he said "had I had known, I would have thought differently and acted in manner that stopped it from the getting so out of hand" Love was blind for him and unfortunately its a lesson he will pay for in more ways then just financial.

 

I do think once someone is forthright and honest, it does no harm but brings about an awareness. Its then up to the other adult to consider it as a good intention , disregard entirely, or place on the back burner .

 

We each do want that blessing from those we regard dearly.

[Island Girl]

That person is then aware of what to look for and can nip it in the bud before it festers and does cause further damage.

 

Or they can know your opinion - choose their One True Love and resent YOU for insulting their partner ad their own choices for their lives.

 

Generally someone getting married IS taking that step as a definitive move with their betrothed toward a new life together. And anyone against that is pushed to the outside of their lives pretty quickly.

 

All can say what they Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda done. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

When it comes to someone else's love life it really is best to let them make their own choices and their own mistakes.

[You'reasian]

Hi Everyone!

 

MY BF's brother is 24. He is a good kid. He is VERY into his church and leads a clean life (no swearing, drinking, smoking, porn, kissing). My BF worrys about him. He went from being a "bad kid" (see above) to being saved and fully involved in church. Now I am all for church, it has done wonders for him, but here is my BF's concerns.

 

His brother just got engaged to a girl he has been dating for 4 months. They have never kissed, and have a rule on how long they can hug. There wedding is in two months (that's right, met and married in 6 months). To top it off, the brother has proposed to EVERY girlfriend he has been with. Regardless of if it's 5 weeks or 3 months of dating. 4 proposals before one said yes. My BF worries his brother is just WANTING to get married, and isn't being selecting. The fiance is nice enough..but the BF is just scared for his brother.

 

He is VERY naive, won't listen to any news on politics outside his church, refused to be around people outside his church. Certain members of the family fear it might be some sort of cult. Personally, I think church was a escape. It seems whatever he does, he does 190%. He goes crazy commited.

 

My question is, the brother asked my BF to be the best man. My BF of course said yes, but has asked me if I think he should talk to his brother, and tell him his concerns. The brother is very sensitive and prone to angry outbursts. I told my BF that its better to remain silent and supportive, then say something, upset him, and be exluded from the brother.

 

What are your thoughts? Oh, the Fiance is 22, both virgins, neither have jobs, both live at home...ugh...

 

And no, I don't approve, but unlike my BF, I prefer to just not say anthing, attend the wedding, and wish them well.

 

Respect his decision, but offer alternatives - more time etc.

 

Help set the brother up for a successful marriage if he will not change his mind. Help him secure employment, remind him to get relationship counselling, planned parenthood etc give him the good/bad/ugly of marriage. State your case and then back off.