Want to call my ex

[Kanuk]

It's been a month since i last heard from her. She claimed she'd call me when she felt she was ready (if that ever happens). It's been almost 2 and a half months since the breakup.

 

So i've left her alone and haven't heard from her since the 1st. I woke up this morning with an incredible urge to call her or e-mail or something and it hasn't gone away. I've been sooo good at this no contact thing so far this month (although quite horrible at it the last month and a half). I'm going to go out for a drive to get myself away from the phones and the internet. At least until i can get some feedback from here.

 

Maybe i'll be lucky and I wont want to call by the time i return. Any input on how to avoid future "panick attacks" or if i should or shouldn't bother her would be much appreciated.

[sarah12]

I've been thinking the same. I think it's mostly cause it's new year's today and we want someone to spend it with. I think you're doing a good thing by going for a drive. I'm doing my best to avoid wanting contact too. I don't ever want to be the first to intitiate contact again. I don't know what I'm going to do...try and avoid whatever your means of communication is...computer, phone, etc..delete her off your lists..? I don't know....I want contact too..

[Kanuk]

It's so hard, cause I have all of her phone numbers memorized. And unfortunatly i have an uncanny memory when it comes to useless things like that. I'll be damned if i can remember the equation to the mass moment of inertia of a disc (somethign that comes up a lot in my profession and on tests) but i can remember all the phone numbers and e-mails etc of past ex's and friends long gone.

 

It's a curse... And i think i should just bolt for a while. The urge wont disappear, and i thought "why not end the year with a 'bang'", one way or another. What does one do, if months down the road, she hasn't contacted me yet? (that's IF i still want to contact her at that time, i don't know what the future will hold).

 

And I have another problem. My previous ex found out about this breakup and has become VERY friendly with me after not talking to me at all for 2 years. She's been very supportive and nice about all of this. And I appreciate that, but I am very cautious about her intentions. I don't want to go back to her, i have no future with her and no desire to be be with her again, but i do so desperatly want some sort of companionship to fill this empty void in my life that my love left me with.

 

I'm afraid that as unmanly as it sounds, i'm very vulnerable right now and may end up doign something 'dumb'

[mr_roggger]

1/2 m a^2 ? (m=mass a=radius)

I think that, although the time thing is very hard, the best thing to do is give it more time. I know how you feel, some days are a lot easier than others (i.e. today for you), I had a "bad" day just the other day! I am thinking more about moving on now, something which I didn't think possible a couple of months ago!

[sarah12]

kanuk - if the ex wants you, you'd best stay away from her. You know you aren't ready for anything yet, nor do you want her anyways! So unless this ex is also looking for something to fill the void and that you both understand that..well, hey, it's new year's and I say go for it...otherwise, I say you stop talking to her.

 

Companionship is nice..definitely..but you have other friends I'm sure that you could turn to..or here on LS of course....I know how you feel though..I am going out tonight and I want to meet new people and get my mind off things..I really really really hope it works..I don't want to meet anyone and do anything 'dumb' but just talking to some people woudl be nice..I think you should do the same tonight..go out and have some fun..

[AllyKat]

I agree you need to give her time. If that is what she asked for then do it.

 

As far as this ex, she probably does want you back. Let her know you arent interested and DO NOT lead her on.

 

As far as doing something dumb, only you can control yourself. Dont get involved with her if she isnt what you want. You wouldnt want someone doing that to you right?

[InLoKo]

I can't see what the harm is in sending her a Happy New Year sms (nothing more, though!). I think it's a nice gesture - something that everyone does at this time of year. I think you deserve a medal for being this strong for this long. I could NEVER have done it and never have in the past (8 days was my record).

[Kanuk]

I wa spot on about the ex. She does indeed want me back and made it quite obvious. I put a stop to that though.

 

As for my most recent ex, the one i've been pining over for the last 2 and a half months. Well, i still haven't sent anything and have mostly been advised against it. The urge is gone for the moment, and I have friends around right now. So as much as i want to send a simple happy new years, i think I'll just sit back for now and continue to wait for her to call or something.

[mandrews1119]

Dear Kanuk,

I understand. I have been going through a serious set of changes from a break up from a long term relationship. I couldn't help just pouring out all of the things that we all say we shouldn't. I felt I was explaining and rationalizing, and trying not to be "needy" , etc. We were speaking over the phone, and e-mailing, but SHE stopped it, although she broke things off. I have withdrawn from the volume of contact I was sending and today sent my last letter. No bitterness, but she needs time and space to heal, and hopefully want us to reunite. I know it is hard to do, but try is the best advice. If you get weak, as long as you are winding it down, that is all you can ask.