Firecracker Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Hi, I was just browsing and saw this site. I found out in January 2oo3 that my common law husband was cheating on me. One with a good friend of ours and another with someone he met at work. I don't know why I have stayed with him. It definitely has not been good at all. We have 3 kids. 7, 6, and 5, the 5 year old being mentally and physically disabled. We have not been happy for a long time. I met him when I was 17 and he just got out of a 3 year relationship with whom he has a child from. After a while he started being emotionally and verbally abusive and totally supportive of me. I started having an anxiety disorder in my teens which started to get worse especially after my first child. I have since started paxil, I think a couple of years ago and I have never been better. But instead of trying to help me and listen to me he just calls me stupid and tells me to get over it. Anyway the thing is I have been wanting to get on my own these past few months but I have no idea how to start. I am not working right now and my jeep is not working so how am I supposed to leave if I have no car or money. Can I get a lawyer without money? I don't see how. He tells me to leave all the time but makes threats that if I do he will make my life miserable just like I have for the past 10 years. Isn't that a joke? I made his life miserable. What about me. I have never cheated on him or mistreated him in anyway. Everyone that knows us says I am too good for him. Even his own parents would side with me if it came to it. Is he just bluffing about trying to make my life miserable and about getting custody of the children? He works over 80 hours a week. When would he have time for them. He just doesn't't want to have to pay child support for them + he is paying for his daughter from a previous relationship. And he hasn't seen her since they split when she was only 6 months. I have no where to go and I don't want to go to a shelter because the kids would miss school. I just wish I could get money, leave, get a job and start to be happy for once. I know you can't let other people affect you but if you knew him you would understand. He is a very unhappy person and you can't help but let it affect you. I am sick of fighting and walking around on eggshells for someone. I also have to beg him for money just to buy food. But he goes out and buys whatever he wants for himself. Which is all the time. What an a**. Any way if anyone has been in this situation or has any ideas please let me know. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 My sympathies to you on your difficult situation. Yes, you can get away from him. You will need a plan and some resources. Start with a battered women's shelter (even if you have not been beaten) and/or legal aid clinic to find out what kind of assistance is available. They will help you put together a plan that includes lodging, safety, and legal/financial issues. Also call on your parents (and possibly his) to provide some concrete assistance like a loan or place to live. Employability and care for your disabled child will be important. Your children have the legal and moral right to financial support from their father no matter what is happening between the two of you. Plan your exit carefully and discreetly, because just before you leave the house is your most dangerous time. He may become violent or attack your preparations and plans. Good luck and stay safe! Link to post Share on other sites
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