Thinkalot Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Happy New year to my friends here! I am feeling confident 2004 is going to be a wonderful year, and a time when I become a more peaceful, happy person. I am in the process of overcoming my insecurities and obsessions with my bf's past, his ex-wife etc, and regaining a solid sense of ME. I am following a joint approach, of therapy, with anti-depressants. Was very nervous about taking drugs, but if they'll help, then it's worth it. It's too soon to tell. Meanwhile, I am really happy with a new psychologist I have found, and we are working on things, taking a cognitive approach. I am also reading books, and saying affirmations. The things is, while some days I feel great and think I am really making progress, other days, it seems I slip into the old habits, and it is a fight to get out of them again. I know it is a slow process of healing and this is quite normal and I need to stay positive, and yet, I sometimes get so harsh with myself when I slip up, or when I create tension with my partner by going into the old "ask 20 questions about his past, his ex-marriage" routine. It upsets me greatly that I am the cause. This happened for example, when we were out last night for NYE, and I became plagued with insecurity over a trivial reference he made to something he did in the past. I felt the physical symptoms of my anxiety and then asked too many questions, instead of controlling the thoughts first up. We did overcome it, but it created tension on a night I wanted to be perfect My bf told me not to worry too much- that I will continue to "f--K up from time to time" and that's to be expected. But it still upsets me. I guess I want to be better overnight! So any advice on how I can view the setbacks in a positive light, and treat myself a little more gently? I know I keep asking for advice here, but I am really focussed on overcoming my issues, and everything helps at this point! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 You sound like someone who still has a few issue and someone who has an understanding boyfriend. You sound normal. You sound like someone who has been hurt before and are afraid of it happening again. I think you just need to make it clear to your current partner that these feelings are nor due to him. But that they are trigged by his actions. If he is a great guy he will hang in there with you and help. Some guys get tired of trying and leave. I find it is gods way of sifting through the bad men and finding one that compliments you. None of us are perfect Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 I think setbacks are all part of the healing process, you are human, not a robot who can be automatically reprogrammed. Plus, there may be other aspects of your life where asking "20 questions" is a good thing - helps you learn, you are naturally curious. Not an affirmation but a kind of mantra or prayer - you can tell yourself "This too shall pass" They say you have to love yourself first before anyone else will so, love yourself - you are doing your best. Link to post Share on other sites
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