dario Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Hi all, I went through a rough few days and now I'm okay. (If you've read my posts you'll know). Anyway, I think I'm going to be okay. I'm going to stay away from the drugs and the alcohol....keep myself in check. Make sure that I'm okay. It's a new year now and I've neglected so much. To all experiencing pain...I hope you all pull through. I know how enormous a weight it can be. You really can sink to such low depths in so many ways. Never forget yourself....never. I'll always care about my ex and she worries me...but I believe in her and I know that she is going to achieve what she needs to achieve. And she has to do so without me. If I were just a friend it might be different....but I was her boyfriend and we've shared so much. Maybe in the future we will be friends....and we won't 'laugh' this whole thing off. No, we'll reflect...maybe have a coffee and she'll tell me that I smoke too much. Then we'll part ways until the next time. I miss her - yes, ofcourse. But I believe she did the right thing. For her sanity and for my own. She certainly wasn't a b*tch. She just had to do what's right for her. Here's to 2004....heartbreak is such an amazing thing (you know what I mean?) You can have all the strength in the world and this can make you so weak. Good luck all....I'll keep posting...trying to give advice. But you've all been so damn amazing. Bye for now. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 aww, dario you are so so sweet. Happy New year to you too! I don't know if you read in my other post, but I made it my resolution to not contact the ex! I think you should do the same..and I wish you the very best! Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Hi Dario and Sarah12! I am so glad to hear you are doing good Dario! It seems like on LS we are all there to help all of us!!! It should get better for you as time goes by. I sure hope so. I can tell by your writing, you are doing/feeling better. I like Sarah12's statement too... I wish I could do that, the no contact. It's too hard with my situation because of our daughter and the 50/50 visitation, I'm past the hurt, so we have talked about various things and visited, while I am picking-up, or dropping off our daughter, etc., etc. The hard part is when we first cleared the air about her having the the affair deal, (it took about 7 months.)I started thinking about the idea of occasionally dating etc. I told her my feelings and she said " it would be too confusing for me" Well...I'm alright with that because there was nothing relationship-wise existing anyway! So...I'm in the "rock & a hard place". Because I see different feelings between us and I would be receptive to very slowly exploring the idea of a higher level of contact than "just friends" and also seeing if anything is even there, and she would just be "too confused by it" (whatever that means?????) It is difficult to see too much of her. I know, I know...just don't see her if possible. I do the "no-contact" whenever possible which seems to prompt her to call me instead. So...I admire the two of you and your ability to do the "no-contact" and make it stick. I want to tell her "don't call", but it was so difficult to get back to being casual friends because of the suddeness of the affair/divorce that I hate to disrupt things...at least right now. Anyway, it's way better than it ever has been since "D" day!! Thanks for listening, good luck to both of you in this New Year!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 mjk, Your situation will probably never allow a total no contact situation until your daughter is old enough (in the teens) to handle her own visitation scheduling and such. Even then, a good communication line between joint parents is always healthy and in the best interest in the child(ren) involved. Dario and Sarah, I think there is a time frame in which you can keep some communication going in order to gain some closure and not going cold turkey all at once....LOL! There is also a time you have to face facts....it's over. I waited a year and THEN decided to dump out all the email, photo files and his email address. It was part of my New Year's resolution never to mention his name or think about him any longer. There comes a time you have to move on. Sometimes people remain friends for years after the relationship. I have several of those. However, if it is one of those relationships where you were just devasted afterwards and the memories still are painful....the only way to get past it is to re-train your mind not to have them on the front burner of your daily thoughts. As long as they are....you just can't get into a new relationship and find happiness elsewhere. I'll make a pact with you that we will ALL accomplish this in 2004....... Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Thank you Arabess, You always know what to say!!! Dario And Sarah12... Sometimes people remain friends for years after the relationship. I have several of those. However, if it is one of those relationships where you were just devasted afterwards and the memories still are painful....the only way to get past it is to re-train your mind not to have them on the front burner of your daily thoughts. As long as they are....you just can't get into a new relationship and find happiness elsewhere. I think Arabess says it all...to all of us...right here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted January 2, 2004 Author Share Posted January 2, 2004 Yes, thanks all! Let me tel you a funny story....just yesterday a friend was up from another state and I went to see him and his gf. I went to get the beers (nothing too lethal) and when I came back my phone went beep, beep....and I ignored it. I finally looked at it and realised that I was accidentally dialing my ex....I just laughed and laughed. It had gone to voice mail and all she would have got was stomp, stomp, rustle, rustle. And I vented...told her in an email all that I needed to say as not to bottle it all in. And then a few minutes later...beep, beep...my phone's on and there's a well wishing from her saying she's been camping. Fate...it's closing the door for me in a weird way. For the best. Probably telling me.... 'I'm gonna shut the door tight...now leave it be, kid. Leave it be.' That is just the deal. Thanks all again....take care. Link to post Share on other sites
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