How can I salvage our relationship?

[WantToGetExBack]

Had a very bad break up last week in a year and half long relationship( we both are 21 and never met). I constantly accused her of things, pushed her away, blamed her, failed to understand her because I had lot of time on my hand which made me very needy and desperate for her. she always gave me chances in the past, but this time she says it's too much stress, and she likes her life better this way. She offered to chat every 2 days as ex, I begged her, pleaded her and she said just no chance, she doesn't have it in her. she won't agree to even talking on phone. What are some things I can do to salvage our relationship? How can I at least make her consider getting back together if I can change for the better? So far she has been very firm and harsh in saying there's no potential for us in getting back together.

[hayley-1989]

Hey, i'm a girl and this is what i'd want the guy to do.

 

Just do what she asks of you, but don't show any interest in another guy. Be there and show her you respect her and completly change your attitude towards her where being needy and desperate is concerned. She'll either panic because she's lost a great guy, or be relieved that you're accepting the break up. Either way you'll get a set in stone answer that you NEED to either start up the relationship or offically end it.

 

I'm in a LD relationship at the moment and i know how desperate and needy i can get. You know what, sometimes i wish my boyfriend was a bit more needy!!! i think it would show how much your missing her and how your life has been effected by seperation.

[hayley-1989]

i meant girl**

[Soul Bear]

Wow, really good answer H.

 

I'm in a LDR too, and it can be tough at times. You speak the truth!!

[WantToGetExBack]

Hey, i'm a girl and this is what i'd want the guy to do.

 

Just do what she asks of you, but don't show any interest in another guy. Be there and show her you respect her and completly change your attitude towards her where being needy and desperate is concerned. She'll either panic because she's lost a great guy, or be relieved that you're accepting the break up. Either way you'll get a set in stone answer that you NEED to either start up the relationship or offically end it.

 

I'm in a LD relationship at the moment and i know how desperate and needy i can get. You know what, sometimes i wish my boyfriend was a bit more needy!!! i think it would show how much your missing her and how your life has been effected by seperation.

 

Hey, thanks for replying. I am going to try and take it easy. The first few days of break up, I sent about 50 texts each day, but today I just texted two times asking her to chat. I will give her the space she needs and chat just other stuff with her which she wants, but how can I at least convince her to talk to me on phone. I know from our past, it does not take us long to build feelings for each other, but I feel it can only happen if we start talking on phone. I just have no hope for anything online.

[skydiveaddict]

Hey, thanks for replying. I am going to try and take it easy. The first few days of break up, I sent about 50 texts each day, but today I just texted two times asking her to chat. I will give her the space she needs and chat just other stuff with her which she wants, but how can I at least convince her to talk to me on phone. I know from our past, it does not take us long to build feelings for each other, but I feel it can only happen if we start talking on phone. I just have no hope for anything online.

 

 

Dude, you're coming across as needy and desperate. Women HATE that. Stop talking texting etc dont contact her in any way. The only way she'll ever come back is if she decides to. If she texts you, dont reply. If she calls you dont answer. This will show her that you are a confident man that can stand on his own. Women DO like that! She will never come back if you continue to be her doormat

[WantToGetExBack]

Dude, you're coming across as needy and desperate. Women HATE that. Stop talking texting etc dont contact her in any way. The only way she'll ever come back is if she decides to. If she texts you, dont reply. If she calls you dont answer. This will show her that you are a confident man that can stand on his own. Women DO like that! She will never come back if you continue to be her doormat

 

Hm, I want to take that advice, but at the same time, I have fear that if I don't stay in touch, she will just completely go away( maybe that will be better in a way to fast the healing process, but that is not what I want). In the pasts arguments, she didn't chat/talk for like week, and during all that time, I begged her, told her I was desperate, but she still came back although after few days or week.

 

She does not come online to chat on regular basis. So once every 2 days is for me only, and last night she said she could not come, and 2nite also, but she textd me if I can chat her in the morning at 6 before she goes for her student teacher job. So I feel like the fact she's willing to make herself available and come online only to chat with me, she wants to take it slow and maybe want me to show some change? But at the same time she keeps saying there's no chance anymore and I need to move on, and only if I keep insisting for it, she then says well you never know about future but for right now she can't do anything. I can't seem to figure her out.

[D-Lish]

You're coming on way-way too strong. If you keep it up, she's going to cut you off completely- I am surprised she already hasn't.

 

Not sure why you are getting so worked up over someone you've never even met!!!

 

50 Texts in a day, all the jealousy, you need to take a week off.

[hayley-1989]

right, i disagree with what alot of people are saying. not all women hate a guy who is 'desperate' and 'needy'.....because sometimes a girl is looking for proof that you are still interested. at the end of the day, everyone enjoys it when someone is interested, even if theyre not interested back. you were together a long time, so its natural to want her back. i'm trying to think of a way to influence her to want to talk to you. hmm ok try this.

 

try and get on with your life in a way which keeps you really busy....get up to loads of things. This is good in two ways, you'll be keeping busy therefore it will take your mind off calling her and wanting to talk. if your busy you wont think about it as often and then you'll get used to not speaking all the time.

 

secondly, this will make her wonder what you're up to. she'll be interested in your 'new little lifestyle' and the new people you've met. she'll want to ask you about photos she might have seen of you on facebook and it may start to bug her that by not speaking to you regularly...she's unawear of your life as you're LD. It's weird, the best part of my day is ringing my boyfriend and asking him how his went! its a weird feeling, but girls are interested....and they do care that you're interested.

 

x

[WantToGetExBack]

right, i disagree with what alot of people are saying. not all women hate a guy who is 'desperate' and 'needy'.....because sometimes a girl is looking for proof that you are still interested. at the end of the day, everyone enjoys it when someone is interested, even if theyre not interested back. you were together a long time, so its natural to want her back. i'm trying to think of a way to influence her to want to talk to you. hmm ok try this.

 

try and get on with your life in a way which keeps you really busy....get up to loads of things. This is good in two ways, you'll be keeping busy therefore it will take your mind off calling her and wanting to talk. if your busy you wont think about it as often and then you'll get used to not speaking all the time.

 

secondly, this will make her wonder what you're up to. she'll be interested in your 'new little lifestyle' and the new people you've met. she'll want to ask you about photos she might have seen of you on facebook and it may start to bug her that by not speaking to you regularly...she's unawear of your life as you're LD. It's weird, the best part of my day is ringing my boyfriend and asking him how his went! its a weird feeling, but girls are interested....and they do care that you're interested.

 

x

 

hey thanks for replying. Sadly I haven't build any patience that relationships require in order to understand, give time, and space to each other. So this morning I chatted with her, and I asked her if she just does not love me at all anymore. I wanted to know as she had always told me no matter what, she will always love me, work through problems with her guy, and only stick with one guy. That was one of the things attracted me most to her as that is exactly how I feel. So today she said she does not love me anymore, has no feelings for me anymore. She said she is not with me for good, there is no chance for us and she does not regret it.

 

The last time I chatted with her, after much insisting, this is what she said when I asked her I don't want us to chat as friends, she said, " I am chatting to you as my ex and hate it went that way, but I'm here to give my best to come and chat and you never know, so far I don't see much change, you are this way cuz you want me back but maybe if I see it, I might reconsider, having said that, that does not mean you keep texting and asking for anything, i have to wana feel i want you like I have at time but you killed it over and over by texting and u so know it.

 

I know where she is coming from, but I also know if I don't text her for a month, she will not text me herself. And what I don't understand is I have to beg for her to say that there might be chance, you never know, but today she just came hard. I finally feel like this is the end of us,( before I had hope) and since morning, I have cried, not that I could eat before anyway, but I threw up today even the little bit that I forced myself to eat. I am looking to see a psychiatrist to get some help.

[hayley-1989]

im really sorry i dont think you need any help though, you should be ok on your own. losing her is going to feel so so painful, but only time will heal. its natual to be sick and cry when youre hearts broken, and i can imagine how you feel. be strong, and just live in the notion that she wasnt the one for you, and that there will be a better girl one day and you'll fall for her a million times more. and if you think what you had with this girl was good, imagine how the 'one' will make you feel xxxxxx

[nrmommie]

 

I know where she is coming from, but I also know if I don't text her for a month, she will not text me herself. And what I don't understand is I have to beg for her to say that there might be chance, you never know, but today she just came hard. I finally feel like this is the end of us,( before I had hope) and since morning, I have cried, not that I could eat before anyway, but I threw up today even the little bit that I forced myself to eat. I am looking to see a psychiatrist to get some help.

 

 

 

this is your answer. if you guys were meant to be, then you would not need to constantly remind her of you, in order for her to want you....do you know what i mean?

 

you are young.... i spent 20 years in a relationship (marriage) where i had the mindset that you do. i was 21 when i got married. i thought that if i just tried hard enough, loved him enough, he would come around. but that is not the way it works.

 

you want someone who can't wait to talk to you. to be with you.

a year and a half and you have not met? this i don't understand. i knew my ldr for a month before i met him. i would have never considered myself to be in a relationship with someone i haven't met. i had no idea if we would be compatible from an online relationship. i only knew that i was attracted to him and that we seemed to get along through technology.

 

one more thing i want to share with you. i met a guy in the fall. we went on one date and the next thing i know he is blowing up my phone with texts. then a few days later he shows up to my work (found it, i never told him) with 2 doz beautiful roses and a note that was all but a proposal. all from a dinner and a movie. not exactly a sane thing to do. on paper this guy would have been amazing for me, but he seemed way to needy and clingy. i told him i needed him to do two things. one, never tell me all that he could give me (very rich, very successful... promised to change my life) and two not to contact me AT ALL until he got back from his trips, about a month. he then proceeded to send me non-stop texts for the next 2 days. that was it. if he would have left me alone like i asked him, i would have given him another chance.....but the fact that he didn't said it all.

 

i think you need a real flesh and blood relationship. ldrs are hard! not everyone can handle them. most people wouldn't choose them.... you need someone you can touch, hold and love...

[WantToGetExBack]

Hey, thank you to both of you for replies. Well I had lost all hope so I just did not feel like checking back.

 

Basically since my last post, I cut down on texting, texted like 1-2 msgs a day. Did not bug her to come online and chat with me. So since then we chatted two times, and this morning was one of them. Basically I wasn't asking her to take me back and just chatted normal, making fun of her and chatting stupid stuff to each other. I asked her if she could call me next Tuesday for few mins ( last time I had asked her she said no way, we are not talking on phone, at least not yet), but she agreed asking if anything special but I just said missing your voice. She also typed little bit of hot dirty talk that we always used to do, of course I kind of had to say something first. She kept chatting for a long time ( to my surprise) and said she is late but she is still chatting. So after a while, we finally said bye and just few minutes ago, she sent me a text asking me how it's going and wanting to hear from me. I feel like we might get back with each other now. This was kind of like the first official break up we had, before that were just mere one week of NC to me from her. Should I try to get back with her now as I feel like she opened the door slightly for me or just not reply to her for 3-4 days and make her think what is going on with me. This might even make her call me, I don't know.

 

I've never been in relationship before, so this meant a lot for me even though it was online. But we talked everyday for couple of hours, so always had strong feelings. I felt like I was getting stronger day by day( which I didn't think would ever happen without her), and today I am back to my uni after missing for two weeks. I feel like even if we got back together, for a while I won't have much time to devote to our relationship because of how much work I have to catch up with. But finally I feel like I got a smile on my face. Thanks everyone for their support.

[WantToGetExBack]

She just text me again saying now she knows how it feel when you text someone and they take 4ever to reply.

[Miad's Princess]

Listen just keep doing what you are doing which is backing away. If you start acting how you were before, she will run.....

Maybe she will want to come back one day who knows, but you have to be cool and give her that space she is getting from you, keep giving it, her wanting to give you more attention isn't the green light for you to jump back in where you were.

 

Your doing well, don't spoil it.

[skydiveaddict]

Had a very bad break up last week in a year and half long relationship( we both are 21 and never met). .

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Wait wait wait: Is this a typo. or have you really never even met this girl? I missed it the first time i read your post

[WantToGetExBack]

^

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Wait wait wait: Is this a typo. or have you really never even met this girl? I missed it the first time i read your post

 

Hey, yeah, I've never met her. I am from Toronto, and she is originally from here as well, but studying in Chicago. The first time she came here, we couldn't meet as we both were reluctant( I really was also) so we agreed to meet next time. Next time was last summer while I was out of country. This time she is likely to come in summer while I'm expecting myself to be on a vocation elsewhere once again!

None of us have been in a relationship before so it's like we both are happy with what we're getting lol.

[skydiveaddict]

c'mon dude, how could she possibly break your heart if you've never even met her? A "keyboard relationship"? Do yourself a favor and Go out and find yourself a real live girl that you can actually get to know. D-lish is right. It's not a good thing to be heartbroken over someone you've never even met

Edited February 6, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[micheal020]

What is motivating him to want to salvage your relationship now, especially after how he's treated you? I would probably avoid walking back into that situation if I were you, I'm sure you could find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

Matrimonial

[WantToGetExBack]

Thanks for replies. Maybe you guys are right I should go out and find a real girl, but I really don't want to do that, at least not yet. I've tried hard to keep this relationship going, so if it can work out somehow, that is the best outcome for me.

 

Anyhow, so after ignoring her for few days, I text her couple of times for couple of days without any response. Then she finally text and said she doesn't know if and when we will chat( which was really strange since she had agreed to chat as ex, so I don't know what made her change mind). After asking her few times, she chatted in the morning. I asked her if we can get back and she keeps saying slim to none chance for that. She finally told me to stop begging . What I don't understand is she talked little bit of dirty stuff the other day and even today little but not directly about us, so why would she do that? And after asking her a lot, she finally talked on phone for five mins, and I asked her if she can talk tomorrow, and she said she might be able to. I have begged her in the past for all the break ups and that's how we got back until I screwed up again. I don't know what to do here but I'm definitely not looking to move on , at least not yet.