Im dating a heroin addict

[Missy667]

Thank you for anyone who takes the time to read this. Its kind of a long story

 

I have been dating this guy seriously for 3 years now. When we first started dating I knew he did drugs. I was young and naive thought it was just a party phase, we did some together sometimes, never heroin though and not very often. After about six months I started to realize how often he was using, I was concerned about his excessive drug use. He then told me how often he was doing heroin. However he smokes it rather then shooting up. He denied for a long time he had a problem, said he could stop on his own any time he wanted so I told him to stop or I would leave.

 

A couple months went on, me thinking he had quit. I found out one night he had been using and had never quit. I left for couple of months, he got into some trouble with the law and went to rehab, we got back together shortly after. Well to make a long story short he got into drugs again…did the whole rehab thing about 3 times in one year…no success, at this time he wasn’t really trying and did not want to quit for himself he just wanted to make it look good.

Finally at the beginning of 2009 he had hit rock bottom and admitted he had a serious problem and needed help we found him a great 3 month long impatient program, he hated who he was and what he was doing. After he got out of that program he was doing great, focusing on sobriety and going to meetings. 120 days or so clean he relapsed…used for two days then quit again.

Now were to 6 months sober….I finally thought we were past all this it was finally over we could truly be happy. I had never been more in love with him, everything was going great until I noticed he had been kind of depressed and slacking on his meetings and talking to his sponsor…a week later HE came to ME and told me he had been using and needs help quitting. I helped him threw it

At this point its been 90 days sober a couple nights ago I called him out on his using, he has now been using heroin and coke for 2 weeks. Lying about it of course, deep down I really knew but he refused to tell me the truth... I’m scared for him, scared for us. Sick of this emotional rollercoaster. Rehab seemed to help, he stayed sober 11 out of 12 months last year… now this years not looking so great. He keeps saying I don’t understand how hard it is for an addict and that he is trying, keeps saying he is not giving up. But who can really believe what a heroin addict says?

 

He’s had 7 days sober since his last relapse, he checked himself into a hospital for detox after he realized he could not get threw the withdrawals himself.

I don’t know what to do, leaving him is not really an option I love him to much and we have been threw a lot together we've made it this far Im not about to leave now that I've seen so much progress. I know he wants to change, I’ve seen him get help many times and can see this past year he’s been trying so hard but something keeps bringing him down.

I guess what makes it so hard is not having anyone to talk to about it, no one seems to understand, I know the success rate for heroin addicts is not high, he’s never shot up. I don’t know if that makes any difference.

I need advice

[just_some_guy]

From personal experience, there's really no good reason to be involved with a heroin addict who's using. The only worse thing is a heroin addict who's newly sober. Take my word for it.

 

Maybe after a decade of super clean sobriety and working a program every day, then think about getting involved. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up in a big pile of pain, hurt, and endless drama. Your addict will relapse, probably many times. He may never get better. Do you really want a lifetime of worrying and wondering every time he's late? Every time he doesn't pick up his cellphone, will you be wondering if he's nodded off somewhere?

 

Maybe you should focus on you for a while. Go hit some al-anon meetings, individual counseling and if the treatment facility has it, their family and aftercare program.

[Missy667]

Thank you for the advice, your right. I'm going to go to some al-anon meetings this weekend its just hard not having anyone to talk to about it who understand what its like, all I hear is negativity how heroin addicts never get sober. which I dont think is true...I have met many that have 5-10, 15 years sober

 

I don't want to leave him unless I absolutely have too. I just recenetly told him I would stick with him through this, I can see that he wants to quit he is scared to death of this disease

I just want to know how to be supportive, I'm so angry right now but thats not helping anything

I hear the first year of sobriety is the hardest, if we can make it through that we can get through anything