yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Well, I found out my boyfriend has been looking at naked pictures of celebrities. How? I looked at his browser history (no, I'm not proud of it ) I feel really upset and sickened by it. I don't mind if he watches porn, because those women are somehow 'anonymous' but it really upsets me that he will google 'naked lindsey lohan' (and others). To me, that's like finding a woman he finds hot, and wanting to see that particular woman naked... and she is actually a real person. I just find it so wrong that my boyfriend, who says he loves me, is masturbating over someone else! Yes, I know he's never met her, I know he never will, but she is still someone else he's getting off to that is not his girlfriend who he says he wants to marry!!! I find it really morally wrong, as I could never bring myself to masturbate over someone else!! Am I being unfair about this? I hate living in a society where everyone thinks its okay that someone in a relationship can think hmm, that person looks hot, I think I'll try and find her naked pictures so I can masturbate looking at her body . I don't know what to do because I don't know if I'll ever find a guy who doesn't think this is an okay thing to do Also, I gave him loads of naked photos of me, and now I want him to delete them... I feel demeaned and like an object to him now, like I gave him those photos as a fun thing between us and all the time he was googling other women to get off to I feel really hurt and sick! Am I wrong to think like this?
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 And the worst thing is it seemed like he searched for her repeatedly on several different days It's not the fact he's masturbating to a visual image, but more the fact it's one person he identified as being hot, and then searched for, for that hurts me. Also the fact that he could get off to a picture of her in a bikini and not to my naked pictures! (and I have a very similar body type to her)
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Well, I found out my boyfriend has been looking at naked pictures of celebrities. How? I looked at his browser history (no, I'm not proud of it ) I feel really upset and sickened by it. I don't mind if he watches porn, because those women are somehow 'anonymous' but it really upsets me that he will google 'naked lindsey lohan' (and others). To me, that's like finding a woman he finds hot, and wanting to see that particular woman naked... and she is actually a real person. I just find it so wrong that my boyfriend, who says he loves me, is masturbating over someone else! Yes, I know he's never met her, I know he never will, but she is still someone else he's getting off to that is not his girlfriend who he says he wants to marry!!! I find it really morally wrong, as I could never bring myself to masturbate over someone else!! Am I being unfair about this? I hate living in a society where everyone thinks its okay that someone in a relationship can think hmm, that person looks hot, I think I'll try and find her naked pictures so I can masturbate looking at her body . I don't know what to do because I don't know if I'll ever find a guy who doesn't think this is an okay thing to do Also, I gave him loads of naked photos of me, and now I want him to delete them... I feel demeaned and like an object to him now, like I gave him those photos as a fun thing between us and all the time he was googling other women to get off to I feel really hurt and sick! Am I wrong to think like this? No, you're not wrong to think like this. You want him and only him. This is something you need to bring to his attention, face to face. Speculating and consensus taking online is good, but only gets you so far. Call him. See him at your next available opportunity. Tell him exactly how you feel about this and work through it.
meerkat stew Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 No you aren't wrong to think this, but you may have trouble convincing people this is wrong in this day and age. If that is your BF's only bad habit, aren't you relieved he is looking at those unobtainable celeb pics rather than naked pics of an ex? There are men out there who feel as you do, most of them are practicing more fundamentalist leaning religions. If it is a big deal for you, you may have to go that route.
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 No, you're not wrong to think like this. You want him and only him. This is something you need to bring to his attention, face to face. Speculating and consensus taking online is good, but only gets you so far. Call him. See him at your next available opportunity. Tell him exactly how you feel about this and work through it. I saw him today actually (we are students and live in the same building), but I don't know how to tell him I looked at his history, I wish I hadn't done it.
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 No you aren't wrong to think this, but you may have trouble convincing people this is wrong in this day and age. If that is your BF's only bad habit, aren't you relieved he is looking at those unobtainable celeb pics rather than naked pics of an ex? There are men out there who feel as you do, most of them are practicing more fundamentalist leaning religions. If it is a big deal for you, you may have to go that route. I know it isn't the worst thing in the world but I just find it really immoral . I wish I didn't but I can't help it, it makes me feel sick. The worst thing is I'm not at all religious!
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 And the worst thing is it seemed like he searched for her repeatedly on several different days It's not the fact he's masturbating to a visual image, but more the fact it's one person he identified as being hot, and then searched for, for that hurts me. Also the fact that he could get off to a picture of her in a bikini and not to my naked pictures! (and I have a very similar body type to her) Go home and claim your man! Seduce him and exhaust him so he'll never want to look at a nother pic of her again knock him out with your hotness!
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 And it's not the fact they are unobtainable (or not), it's that he set out to masturbate over that certain girl he finds hot (lindsey lohan), as he has done before... I see that as similar to cheating, I definitely would feel terrible if I did anything like it.
shadowplay Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Would you have a problem with him jerking off to porn stars, or to the same porn star repeatedly? I don't see it as any different from the celebrity thing. All men look at porn. I'll never understand why it gives some women so much grief.
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Go home and claim your man! Seduce him and exhaust him so he'll never want to look at a nother pic of her again knock him out with your hotness! I do that anyway and it seems it's not enough... I feel like never having sex with him again actually
greatgirlfriend Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I think there's nothing to worry about. I have porn on my pc and nudie magazines in my drawer. When I first got a pc I looked up nude photos of one of the guys in Duran Duran (and yes I saved it and have it on my wall). I love nudity and there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about sexy movie or rock stars as long as it's a fantasy and nothing wrong.
shadowplay Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 What if you found out he was sometimes undressing women he saw irl in his head or imagining what it would be like to have sex with her? Most men do this too, even when they're in a committed relationship. I think controlling what images he looks at is a step removed from mind control. It's just fantasy, let him have it.
dark1san Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 So when you "please" yourself do you always think of him? If not then it's the same thing.
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 So when you "please" yourself do you always think of him? If not then it's the same thing. Yes - that is why I'm upset.
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I do that anyway and it seems it's not enough... I feel like never having sex with him again actually Sorry to hear this. Porn consumption decreases when you've got a girlfriend, well at least for me. If you don't have sex with him again, its not going to improve your relationship. Discussion, compromise and support will improve it. Go forth. Communicate with your dude, make some progress, then exhaust him! We like it when our women do that.
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Sorry to hear this. Porn consumption decreases when you've got a girlfriend, well at least for me. If you don't have sex with him again, its not going to improve your relationship. Discussion, compromise and support will improve it. Go forth. Communicate with your dude, make some progress, then exhaust him! We like it when our women do that. Thanks for all the input! I guess I'll talk to him when I feel better, but I have to apologise for looking at his history first :S Actually I don't mind if he watches porn, actually I do too and we sometimes discuss it together - the difference is that with porn, you're not imagining yourself having sex that person - looking at pictures of just them you obviously are. I could never 'please' myself thinking of having sex with another person.
You'reasian Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Actually I don't mind if he watches porn, actually I do too and we sometimes discuss it together - the difference is that with porn, you're not imagining yourself having sex that person - looking at pictures of just them you obviously are. I could never 'please' myself thinking of having sex with another person. Watching porn together can be a good experience if the two of you are comfortable with it. Good luck with your dude!
Kamille Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I think that right now you're in 'reaction-mode' and that is why you are so disgusted. Personally, I don't have any problems with porn - I fantasize about other men even though I am in a relationship and would never cheat on my bf. I don't consider it cheating on him. I love him, only really want to have sex with him, think he is the hottest man on the planet, respect him. My point is, there is no right or wrong. You can only fantasize to your boyfriend and that is not true of your bf. He likes to fantasize about Lindsay Lohen. It doesn't mean he loves you less or respects you less. It's just a fantasy. But do talk to him about it. You can find a compromise and a happy medium. Unless this an issue of such moral importance to you that you would rather end the relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I only read the opening post... so this could have been already said.. You are jealous of his fantasy... yooohooooo.... there is absolutely nothing you can do about his fantasies.. you just happened to find out about them... A lot of men do have those fantasies.. never talk about them.. and chances are... women never find out.. Imagine BEFORE the era of the Internet.. men had those fantasies.. but women just could NEVER find out.. there was just NO way to find out.. (unless of course he spent lots of money on magazine or films). I'm sorry but I'm afraid there is not much you can do about it... even if you confront him.. and let's say, he stops... he will still have those fantasies in his mind.. and there is nothing you can do about it... Just stop stressing over something you have no control over.. it's not like he's going to meet her tomorrow..
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 And it's not the fact they are unobtainable (or not), it's that he set out to masturbate over that certain girl he finds hot (lindsey lohan), as he has done before... I see that as similar to cheating, I definitely would feel terrible if I did anything like it. How do you know this for sure? He told you he was masturbating thinking about LH????
Author yasmina1706 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 How do you know this for sure? He told you he was masturbating thinking about LH???? Well, maybe not, he could have been looking at all the pictures of her semi naked/naked to assess her different belly button rings?
BG1985 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I think the biggest concern is that he fantasizes about Lindsay Lohan. That girl is a train wreck. In reality, Lindsay Lohan did a nude photo shoot recently, and I could only imagine that he was curious to see the goods. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's very difficult to see an attractive woman and NOT imagine what she looks like naked. And explain how a man doesn't imagine himself having sex with the porn star while watching her but does imagine himself with the celebrity in the nude pictures. That makes no sense to me.
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Thanks for all the input! I guess I'll talk to him when I feel better, but I have to apologise for looking at his history first :S Actually I don't mind if he watches porn, actually I do too and we sometimes discuss it together - the difference is that with porn, you're not imagining yourself having sex that person - looking at pictures of just them you obviously are. I could never 'please' myself thinking of having sex with another person. Humm.. how do you know what others are imagining.. really... how old are you? you sound awfully young... you need to grow thicker skin or you'll be extremely miserable.. You have NOOOOO control over what others imagine or fantasize or think... If I were you.. I wouldn't NOT bother him with that.. he might be very upset that you snooped.. and methink it will be a huge turn-off that you are sooo inscure and controlling.. You need to change .. not him..
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Yasmina, be thankful he's jerking it to Lindsey Lohan and not Brad Pitt. OMG................. so true..
Left in a Lurch Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I gotta be honest, it is normal. Guys masturbate and are very visual. If there is someone we find attractive, it is normal to want to see them naked and be turned on by them when we are alone. It's kind of like a woman using a dildo, that's a pretty specific penis and I doubt it is an exact match for the guy she is with but it does not mean guys should be put off by it and think the woman wants that instead of him. A picture is an inanimate object like a dildo, just an aid. I am just disappointed a guy would choose Lyndsey Lohan when there are som many better alternatives.
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