Wife not remorseful about affair...

[silverfish]

No one can force you to articulate your concerns if you don't want to. You brought them up in this thread, so I assumed they were relevant to follow up on. If you don't want to, that's fine. But, as far as your saying you "had the same problem with [your] H", well, then that's got to be on you, since I'm not your H. You can generalize about "men" all you want, and you may even be right, but if you want to be with a man, then you have to learn to communicate with them--not blame them.

 

You've pretty much disagreed with me in every post, so no I don't want to talk about something so personal. There have been some things you've said to me, and some things you said to Samantha that were insightful. People who are honest about their situation on here are obviously an easy target, but on balance I'd say it's mostly worth the flak. Having said that, you've also misunderstood my situation, insulted me, & not really tried to see where I'm coming from. I've remained polite towards you and dealt with it throughout. I don't think all men have this problem at all, just some.

 

 

 

I wouldn't say 25-30% are very good odds. But the real question is: What do those that successfully reconcile have in common?

 

They seem very happy, and also communicate well

 

Well, yes, your ex is still a man. And according to you, men in general don't really communicate that well. I don't really see how you're going to change the fact that your ex is a man.

 

Some men don't communicate well, but thats not an excuse for not communicating, its possible for someone to learn without becoming confrontational. I find a lot of men on here communicate well in writing, and my ex does as well. He writes extremely well, its the conversations he finds hard. I find it hard *with him*, not everyone. I believe he's improved dramatically in the last 6 months, but he can still fall back on this 'attack first' policy when difficult subjects come up

 

How do you improve your intimacy and your sex life unless you get back together though? I guess it's like a chicken/egg situation, no?

 

I agree and this is what I wanted advice on, i think I'll go the professional route on that one though, as bringing it up in the bedroom would be bad form

 

Did I say that? No, I didn't. What I said is you don't want to waste the next 15 years.

 

You really need to take a good hard look at yourself in terms of the source of your communications difficulties. First, you refused to elaborate on your issues, when you opened up that subject for discussion in the thread. Your reason? "Men" are so bad at "listening." You have the same problem with me that you had with your H. (Do you realize that by saying that you are just incorrectly generalizing about all men?) Now, you're inferring something that I never suggested, and when it's in writing too.

 

I said that I used to get the same reaction from my H in the past when I tried to discuss this with him, he got mad and attacked me, a bit like you've done...and when he'd finished doing that i unsurprisingly didn't want to discuss my feelings with him, to give him more ammunition

 

This kind of thinking strikes me as unrealistic. You might be able to improve things to the point where you can reconcile; but you can't make it "whatever we want it to be." You might be raising your expectations unrealistically if you think this, and if so, you will end up disappointed.

 

I disagree. We can decide where we want to live, what we want to do with our time, how we want to organise our lives, how much or little we want to work...we're in a much better position than we were before potentially. I don't really have any expectations at this point. I'm not going to pretend that if it doesnt go anywhere i wont be disappointed though

 

How do you broach it? You sit down and talk to him. And if you have a disagreement, or an argument, you don't shut down and tell him: "I can't do this anymore. You men just can't understand anything."

 

The problem is that HE used to shut down, not me. Either that or get angry. He's not the same as he was, but we haven't really tried it out properly yet by discussing anything too heavy. I am wary of doing this because I don't know how he'll react.

[silverfish]

How is he supposed to know the kinds of things you did with your BF, that pleased you so much, unless you tell him?

 

Are you seriously suggesting I sit him down and tell him in detail? I think this is bad advice.

[silverfish]

The question in both cases is not "why" your partner, or your ex, doesn't have such and such combination of characteristics that is most pleasing to you. The question you both need to answer is why you both seem to perceive your partner/ex partner primarily as someone, or something, that exists to provide you with benefits, rather than recognizing that they are fully individual human beings who have a worth and a value far beyond the personal gratification you can perhaps obtain from them.

 

Quite the opposite, I don't think that my ex has all the characteristics of my 'ideal partner' not that i have a list...I'm not a teenager. He is flawed, human etc etc, as you know from my posts. Doesnt mean I don't love him.

[zwieback.toast]

 

You've pretty much disagreed with me in every post, so no I don't want to talk about something so personal.

 

You will have to be able to get used to people disagreeing with you if you want real communication to occur with other people about controversial issues. That's not how life works. I think you do want to talk about personal issues, because that's exactly what you've done; but you don't want to talk about them unless your point of view is agreed with. A better point of view would be for you to welcome differing viewpoints, because that's the only way you learn anything new.

 

 

 

There have been some things you've said to me, and some things you said to Samantha that were insightful.

 

Everything that I've said are "insightful," however, they are my insights, my observations, not yours. So we will not agree about everything, in fact I would be surprised if we agreed about many things at all.

 

People who are honest about their situation on here are obviously an easy target, but on balance I'd say it's mostly worth the flak. Having said that, you've also misunderstood my situation, insulted me, & not really tried to see where I'm coming from. I've remained polite towards you and dealt with it throughout. I don't think all men have this problem at all, just some.

 

It's interesting that you seem to want to attribute your relationship problems to external sources rather than looking inward.

 

 

 

 

 

I wouldn't say 25-30% are very good odds. But the real question is: What do those that successfully reconcile have in common?

 

They seem very happy, and also communicate well

 

O.K. What do they have in common that allows them to be "very happy" and "communicate well"?

 

 

Well, yes, your ex is still a man. And according to you, men in general don't really communicate that well. I don't really see how you're going to change the fact that your ex is a man.

 

Some men don't communicate well, but thats not an excuse for not communicating, its possible for someone to learn without becoming confrontational. I find a lot of men on here communicate well in writing, and my ex does as well. He writes extremely well, its the conversations he finds hard. I find it hard *with him*, not everyone. I believe he's improved dramatically in the last 6 months, but he can still fall back on this 'attack first' policy when difficult subjects come up

 

Has it ever occurred to you that some women don't communicate too well, and that you may be one of them?

 

How do you improve your intimacy and your sex life unless you get back together though? I guess it's like a chicken/egg situation, no?

 

I agree and this is what I wanted advice on, i think I'll go the professional route on that one though, as bringing it up in the bedroom would be bad form

 

This answer really doesn't make too much sense.

 

 

 

 

Did I say that? No, I didn't. What I said is you don't want to waste the next 15 years.

 

You really need to take a good hard look at yourself in terms of the source of your communications difficulties. First, you refused to elaborate on your issues, when you opened up that subject for discussion in the thread. Your reason? "Men" are so bad at "listening." You have the same problem with me that you had with your H. (Do you realize that by saying that you are just incorrectly generalizing about all men?) Now, you're inferring something that I never suggested, and when it's in writing too.

 

I said that I used to get the same reaction from my H in the past when I tried to discuss this with him, he got mad and attacked me, a bit like you've done...and when he'd finished doing that i unsurprisingly didn't want to discuss my feelings with him, to give him more ammunition

 

LOL. I didn't "attack" you. I simply pointed out that you completely misconstrued what I had written. Do you realize I am not your ex H, I don't know him, I never met him? All I did was point out where you completely attributed a statement to me that I never even made, and construed the statement I never made as an put down of you.

 

Why is it do you think that you perceive someone you've never met, an anonymous person on the internet, as acting the "same" as your ex H? Could it possibly have more to do with YOU than with either of us?

 

This kind of thinking strikes me as unrealistic. You might be able to improve things to the point where you can reconcile; but you can't make it "whatever we want it to be." You might be raising your expectations unrealistically if you think this, and if so, you will end up disappointed.

 

I disagree. We can decide where we want to live, what we want to do with our time, how we want to organise our lives, how much or little we want to work...we're in a much better position than we were before potentially. I don't really have any expectations at this point. I'm not going to pretend that if it doesnt go anywhere i wont be disappointed though

 

Then do it. Good luck. Most people do not have unlimited wealth however. They can't live anywhere they want; they can't work as much or as little as they please; etc. etc. Most people are constrained by the reality of their circumstances.

 

 

 

How do you broach it? You sit down and talk to him. And if you have a disagreement, or an argument, you don't shut down and tell him: "I can't do this anymore. You men just can't understand anything."

 

The problem is that HE used to shut down, not me. Either that or get angry. He's not the same as he was, but we haven't really tried it out properly yet by discussing anything too heavy. I am wary of doing this because I don't know how he'll react.

 

Yes I'm sure it was all your ex's fault.

[zwieback.toast]

How is he supposed to know the kinds of things you did with your BF, that pleased you so much, unless you tell him?

 

Are you seriously suggesting I sit him down and tell him in detail? I think this is bad advice.

 

 

Yes that is exactly what I'm suggesting. How else is he supposed to know what you want in the bedroom unless you tell him?

[Samantha0905]

Yes that is exactly what I'm suggesting. How else is he supposed to know what you want in the bedroom unless you tell him?

 

For me it isn't about what I want in the bedroom from my husband so much. It's about not feeling sexually attracted to him. I noticed that from the beginning. I could tell him to make moves like a Cirque du Soleil performer and that may not remedy the problem. I just can't figure out why that's not there for us since he is a really nice man, good father, good husband, etc. I do feel like he has trouble communicating and am hoping maybe if we work on that the other will start feeling right also.

[silverfish]

Yes that is exactly what I'm suggesting. How else is he supposed to know what you want in the bedroom unless you tell him?

 

I don't, potentially, have a problem telling him. I don't agree that discussing what my BF & I did with anyone let alone my ex would be very successful though. Does anyone really want to hear that ever? I think I'll get some advice on this one. I don't want to make the situation worse, as its all going well at the moment.

 

There probably is a way of doing it but there are some fundamental issues that he has that I don't see how just 'telling him' would overcome.

[Samantha0905]

I don't, potentially, have a problem telling him. I don't agree that discussing what my BF & I did with anyone let alone my ex would be very successful though. Does anyone really want to hear that ever?

 

I certainly wouldn't think so.

[zwieback.toast]

For me it isn't about what I want in the bedroom from my husband so much. It's about not feeling sexually attracted to him.

 

O.K. Now this puts a different light on things. I thought he was a selfish lover, or clumsy, or didn't know how to please you. Stuff that theoretically can be addressed if he is willing to learn.

 

Now what I am hearing is that it is not what he is doing that you don't like in the bedroom; it is the man himself.

 

Honey, he can't change who he is.

 

 

 

I noticed that from the beginning.

 

Now you're saying that you were never sexually attracted to him but you married him anyway. No wonder there's been a lack of intimacy between you and your husband all these years. How nice for him.

 

 

I could tell him to make moves like a Cirque du Soleil performer and that may not remedy the problem.

 

Well of course it can't, because the problem is not him. It's you. You shouldn't have married someone who you were never attracted to sexually. But having done so, it was your obligation to find a way to light that fire in yourself anyway. I have the feeling however that the "real" problem is not so much a lack of sexual attraction to your h, but your inability to be intimate in the first place. That's why you are cold to your h, but passionate with a total stranger. It's a very common issue for women with severe emotional intimacy problems. If you could become emotionally intimate with your h you would also be able to be sexually intimate with him and vice versa. I also feel that you would have been unable to have real intimacy with any man that you became close to. When you started getting close to your affair partner, when he started demanding emotional committment and intimacy from you, not just sexual intimacy, you freaked out. You couldn't handle it. And you ended that relationship.

 

Until you solve your intimacy problems, through counseling I assume, you will have this exact same problem with any man you start becoming emotionally and/or sexually close to. You will put up that wall which prevents you from having true intimacy.

 

I suspect once you get into counseling you will find your intimacy issues reach all the way back to your family of origin.

 

 

I just can't figure out why that's not there for us since he is a really nice man, good father, good husband, etc. I do feel like he has trouble communicating and am hoping maybe if we work on that the other will start feeling right also.

 

But it's not him. It's you.

[silverfish]

You will have to be able to get used to people disagreeing with you if you want real communication to occur with other people about controversial issues. That's not how life works. I think you do want to talk about personal issues, because that's exactly what you've done; but you don't want to talk about them unless your point of view is agreed with. A better point of view would be for you to welcome differing viewpoints, because that's the only way you learn anything new.

 

I would like to discuss them in a positive way, rather than just 'you're the problem', you don't know that, you've not heard both sides. You can give a mans POV but thats not always going to be relevant to my ex.

Everything that I've said are "insightful," however, they are my insights, my observations, not yours. So we will not agree about everything, in fact I would be surprised if we agreed about many things at all.

 

We might not agree, but at I am trying to see where you are coming from.

It's interesting that you seem to want to attribute your relationship problems to external sources rather than looking inward.

 

I obviously am looking inward. Your analysis of my relationship problems just differs from my own

 

O.K. What do they have in common that allows them to be "very happy" and "communicate well"?

 

Another time for this one - the answr would be fairly long

Has it ever occurred to you that some women don't communicate too well, and that you may be one of them?

 

Yes of course some women don't...I think its more that you got my back up by insulting me and misunderstanding me, so you and me don't communicate well. Thats fine, i can handle it:)

This answer really doesn't make too much sense.

 

I wouldn't discuss my sexual relationship with one man, while in bed with another.

LOL. I didn't "attack" you. I simply pointed out that you completely misconstrued what I had written. Do you realize I am not your ex H, I don't know him, I never met him? All I did was point out where you completely attributed a statement to me that I never even made, and construed the statement I never made as an put down of you.

 

Why is it do you think that you perceive someone you've never met, an anonymous person on the internet, as acting the "same" as your ex H? Could it possibly have more to do with YOU than with either of us?

 

No you haven't met him, so how can you possibly know what he is or isnt like, other than what I've told you. Its a pretty big leap to then say that I see all men like that, I don't see you as being like him at all, apart from the baiting tactics.

Then do it. Good luck. Most people do not have unlimited wealth however. They can't live anywhere they want; they can't work as much or as little as they please; etc. etc. Most people are constrained by the reality of their circumstances

 

we just have much more freedom than we did before, its not about money at all, more about making time for eachother which we couldn't do before amongst other things. Also I reckon I'll get a few thou for the trailer

Yes I'm sure it was all your ex's fault.

 

Ok, maybe nows the time to stop projecting onto me - I'm not your ex either

[zwieback.toast]

I would like to discuss them in a positive way, rather than just 'you're the problem', you don't know that, you've not heard both sides. You can give a mans POV but thats not always going to be relevant to my ex.

 

LOL, no, I've only heard your "side." You haven't discussed your situation in a positive way at all. You've been highly critical of your Ex, apparently accepted no critcism for yourself; then criticized "men" in general; then myself. You've been very defensive, quick to see attacks and insults where there are none, consistently been ambiguous or downright misleading in your own communications, consistently misconstrued what I've written in the worst light possible, imagined things that I haven't even written, so that you can play the role of "victim." Your ex victimized you; men victimize you; I victimize you.

 

You came into this thread originally in full "attack mode" because you objected to my statement to samantha that it was likely her h's friends told her h she might be cheating after she had moved out. This thread had absolutely nothing to do with your situation. But in the process of trying to attack me for my perfectly reasonable statement, you admitted that your h's friends had done exactly the same thing to you. You were upset about being called a cheater by your h's friends because it wasn't true--yet. You then said you felt that your h was encouraged to cheat by what his friends said about you, then you yourself did the same thing, i.e. cheated, and you called it a "self fulfilling prophecy." Even though you wanted "out" of the marriage and left, you said you were upset because you thought this interfered with reconciliation possibilities.

 

Later on in the thread, when I simply reminded you of your own words, you again changed your story and claimed that it wasn't cheating either by your ex H or yourself because at the time, you were both "single." But you failed to explain why, if you were both single, you had any problem with your ex H having a relationship with someone else after you walked out on your marriage, and you were both "single."

 

In other words, you say whatever it is you feel like saying, to suit your purposes, to play the role of the victim, and to avoid responsibility for your own situation. When someone like me (or I guess like your ex has probably tried to do) points out your obvious inconsistencies, you claim you are being attacked and that men don't listen and that we cannot communicate properly blah blah blah.

We might not agree, but at I am trying to see where you are coming from.

 

"Where am I coming from"? That should be obvious. "Where I am coming from" is that to me it clearly appears that the end of your marriage was due to YOUR choice and was primarily a consequence of your decision to walk out of it. You "wanted out", that's fine. Your husband couldn't have been that bad, he couldn't have been an abuser, or else you wouldn't be talking about reconciliation. (If he was an abuser and you now want to go back to him you IMO are not playing with a full deck sister.) However your words cleverly imply, without saying, that your ex was abusive in some way, but you won't clarify it other than to say he doesn't communicate well.

 

You claim that you weren't looking for someone else but that it was (1) your ex's and (2) his friends' fault that you did get involved with someone else for a while.

Silverfish that "spin" might work elsewhere, but from where I sit, it looks to me like after 15 years of marriage, after hitting some bumps in the road, you thought you could "do better" and took a walk. Like so many women and men after that much time being married, you more or less hit a mid life crisis. Yes I know you say you had serious problems for a couple of years but you made the decision not to stick around and try to solve them. Every marriage has its problems. If you want the marriage, you stick around to solve them. Again according to you not sticking around was your decision.

 

Then you found out that the grass was not greener on the other side and you want your ex H back and your marriage back, but apparently you simply don't want to admit you made a mistake in leaving him in the first place. You're making pretty vague statements about bad communication/bad intimacy/bad sex but what it all boils down to is it's your ex H's fault. Apparently you got into arguments with him which you attribute solely to his inability to communicate. I think it's kind of funny that you have the same kinds of problems with me and I guess a number of other men, based on your generalizations, and don't see that the common factor is yourself.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that some women don't communicate too well, and that you may be one of them?

 

Yes of course some women don't...I think its more that you got my back up by insulting me and misunderstanding me, so you and me don't communicate well. Thats fine, i can handle it:)

 

I understand you perfectly well because you are a "type." A rather spoiled, married woman who actually has a pretty decent marriage and a pretty decent husband, but for some reason thinks that's not good enough for her, thinks that she can do "better."

 

And if you had been able to do "better" you sure wouldn't be talking reconciliation now. The problem you're having is that you don't want to admit that you were wrong to walk out of your marriage. That you made a mistake. Maybe you have apologized to your ex for walking out on him, but somehow I just can't picture someone with your attitude making an apology like that.

 

I'm sure in reading this you're going to get all offended etc etc because that's the con you're running right now. But it's not my intent to offend, just to "tell it like it is."

 

The best thing you could do to reconcile with your ex H is go up to him, cook him a nice steak dinner, give him a great big hug and a kiss, tell him you're really sorry for walking out on him, and stop blaming him for everything that's wrong in your life.

I wouldn't discuss my sexual relationship with one man, while in bed with another.

 

That's nice, where did I ever say you had to do that? Another example of your inability to read plain English and desire to attribute imaginary statements to someone else.

 

 

No you haven't met him, so how can you possibly know what he is or isnt like, other than what I've told you. Its a pretty big leap to then say that I see all men like that, I don't see you as being like him at all, apart from the baiting tactics.

 

You haven't really given any examples of anything that your ex did that would cause a rational person to simply walk out on their spouse. You also want to reconcile with him which means you have been unable to find a suitable replacement. I assume if you're considering going back to him he must be a pretty decent guy. Am I wrong? Is your ex H not a decent guy? You tell me.

Ok, maybe nows the time to stop projecting onto me - I'm not your ex either

 

LOL I don't have an ex. I was fortunate enough to marry a good woman. She thinks my listening skills are just dandy by the way.

[Samantha0905]

 

But it's not him. It's you.

 

I think you may have a problem. You are on a mission for some reason here. You are hearing what you want to hear. I don't need someone to agree with me, but you have some sort of odd ulterior motive here.

[Samantha0905]

LOL I don't have an ex. I was fortunate enough to marry a good woman. She thinks my listening skills are just dandy by the way.

 

Ohhhhh. You were fortunate enough to marry a "good" woman. I'm sure she thinks you are just dandy. You are taking out your aggressions elsewhere.

[cyabye]

I'm sorry for what happened to you and I appreciate you sharing it. I imagine it was very painful and I now know why you refer to him as Mr. Messy.

 

I don't think my forgiveness with God is dependent on my confession to my husband. I do think God calls us to be honest and this will be a burden I will bear. I have no intention of hurting my husband/marriage any more than I already have. If people want to interpret it as CYA, then so be it. Perhaps if God wants to convict me to tell my husband I will. I've been praying about it and right now I am where I am.

 

He's a good man. My children are happy. He and I are working through our issues. I'm freshly on the other side of an affair. Time will tell.

 

So from what I am reading, your husband can cheat as long as he keeps it between himself and GOD?

 

You confess your sins to GOD and to those you hurt. You repent and "make up" for the pain and suffering that you caused. Your husband deserves the truth otherwise, you are living a lie.

 

cya

[zwieback.toast]

#2 silverfish

Established Member

 

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: by the blue blue sea

Posts: 392

 

You may not find out til you meet someone else. I think there are certain things to do with communication that I definitely have a problem with. How you deal with problems together was the biggest issue for me and my ex husband.

i was like your wife at MC too.I realise now I wanted to be right and I went there thinking I would get validation that he was the one in the wrong. Looking back on it now it seems so wrong!

He basically stopped talking to me about everything because he was too scared of me jumping down his throat.

I've calmed down now. We've talked about it a lot since we split up and made our peace with each other. I think a bit of space or a break at the time may have helped us to realise these things....

[Woggle]

I am married to a great woman but I have an ex who used every excuse in the book to justify her cheating when it all boiled down to her being a betrayer. It's always the same excuse with cheating women and when a man takes them back they pull the same crap again. I ended up divorcing my ex and it was one of the best decisions I made, I gained my self respect back and met a woman who truly is worth commiting and would never ask me to be a doormat to her.

[zwieback.toast]

I think you may have a problem. You are on a mission for some reason here. You are hearing what you want to hear. I don't need someone to agree with me, but you have some sort of odd ulterior motive here.

 

 

No mission. No ulterior motive. And, I hear what you are saying. In fact that's what I am responding to.

 

For example, you just recently posted that you have NEVER been sexually attracted to your husband. And, you made it clear that has little or nothing to do with his love making "skills" (or lack thereof).

 

What exactly is he supposed to "do" about YOUR intrinsic lack of sexual attraction to him? He can't change who he is.

 

If you do go to a qualified therapist, and I hope you do, they will tell you pretty much exactly what I have been telling you.

 

Try it and see.

[zwieback.toast]

Ohhhhh. You were fortunate enough to marry a "good" woman. I'm sure she thinks you are just dandy. You are taking out your aggressions elsewhere.

 

 

I agree with you as to my very good fortune, I was very lucky to marry my wife, thanks for reminding me of that.

 

I'm not sure what you mean about "taking out your aggressions" though.

 

Any competent therapist who is trained in handling infidelity issues in marriages will tell you exactly the same things I have been telling you concerning intimacy issues. I mean it's not as if I came up with any of this stuff myself, I certainly can't take any credit for it, but it's pretty much all available in various books and online as well.

 

Just some pretty basic understanding of why people have affairs in various situations, intimacy problems, etc.

 

I mean seriously--can you even answer the question of why you married a man that you were not even sexually attracted to? Have you even really thought about it? (Probably not, that's what therapy is for.)

 

Why would someone do that? Why did you do it?

 

When you can answer that question you might start to understand where your life is at right now.

[zwieback.toast]

I am married to a great woman but I have an ex who used every excuse in the book to justify her cheating when it all boiled down to her being a betrayer. It's always the same excuse with cheating women and when a man takes them back they pull the same crap again. I ended up divorcing my ex and it was one of the best decisions I made, I gained my self respect back and met a woman who truly is worth commiting and would never ask me to be a doormat to her.

 

 

Right. A good woman might get so mad at you she'll kick you in the nuts, but she'll never stab you in the back.

[Woggle]

Right. A good woman might get so mad at you she'll kick you in the nuts, but she'll never stab you in the back.

 

I don't know about that but the few times my wife has had an issue she is direct and to the point with me which I respect. She would never cheat on me and if she does for arguments sake she is out the door. A woman that betrays a man does not love him and nobody should be married to somebody who does not love them.

[zwieback.toast]

So from what I am reading, your husband can cheat as long as he keeps it between himself and GOD?

 

You confess your sins to GOD and to those you hurt. You repent and "make up" for the pain and suffering that you caused. Your husband deserves the truth otherwise, you are living a lie.

 

cya

 

Haven't you heard the expression, "Man makes God in his own image"?

 

I guess this saying applies to women who cheat on their husbands, as well.

[Samantha0905]

So from what I am reading, your husband can cheat as long as he keeps it between himself and GOD?

 

You confess your sins to GOD and to those you hurt. You repent and "make up" for the pain and suffering that you caused. Your husband deserves the truth otherwise, you are living a lie.

 

cya

 

More anger about someone relating to God. A relationship with God does not imply perfection. It's funny how people get so angry when other people bring up God. They always want to shout, "Hypocrite!" God knows we're not perfect. He expects more than I've given, but he understands we aren't without sin. If you think of what He did for us, you'll get that.

[Samantha0905]

I am married to a great woman but I have an ex who used every excuse in the book to justify her cheating when it all boiled down to her being a betrayer. It's always the same excuse with cheating women and when a man takes them back they pull the same crap again. I ended up divorcing my ex and it was one of the best decisions I made, I gained my self respect back and met a woman who truly is worth commiting and would never ask me to be a doormat to her.

 

I'm glad you have gained your self respect back.

[Samantha0905]

Haven't you heard the expression, "Man makes God in his own image"?

 

I guess this saying applies to women who cheat on their husbands, as well.

 

The "women" remark again. What are you angry about?

 

Ignore, by the way.

[Samantha0905]

So from what I am reading, your husband can cheat as long as he keeps it between himself and GOD?

 

 

And you're not getting it right by the way. You're assuming it was planned out and adding all sorts of your own problems/issues to your interpretation (which we all do probably.) It wasn't. I know people don't want to accept that, but it's not like someone sits around and says I think I'll go find someone with whom I can cheat.

 

But, if my husband were to make the poor choice to cheat -- and he asked God for forgiveness, yes his forgiveness would be between him and God.