My update...not doing well at all

[Ms. Red]

Sorry, if I made a mistake. It just pains me to hear all the stories about how women are ignoring their children because of their own emotions. I'm glad to hear that you're close to your children.

 

Where are all these stories of children being ignored? Whether a mother chooses to share their emotions with a child or not does not mean they are being ignored.

 

I show my son my emotions or I choose not to show him my emotions. It depends on how much knowledge he has or I want him to have about what is going on in my life.

[MizzBlue72]

OMG - YOU are a STRONG woman!!!

We have ALL felt this at one time or another.

I cried two weeks straight when MM and I broke up. When I told him I loved him, and he didn't love me .....

 

You pick yourself up, and you move on YOU can do it!!

 

Pour yourself into your family. Don't contact him ever EVER again!!! If you feel like doing it - clean something, go shopping, go running!! do ANYTHING else but that.

 

You will start questioning everything, and may hate him. That is ok, and normal. You are worth more than that.

[Angel1111]

I am very thankful that my son doesn't seem to have any memory of this 'sad' time. He also has no idea the MM was married, thank goodness. I can't image having to explain to him why mommy was seeing him.

 

Excellent post and congrats on your son turning into a fine young man!

 

Thank you! We all have sad times and kiids know that. But chronic bad times does have its effect on them. Thanks about my son. I think he's a jewel.

[Angel1111]

Where are all these stories of children being ignored? Whether a mother chooses to share their emotions with a child or not does not mean they are being ignored.

 

I show my son my emotions or I choose not to show him my emotions. It depends on how much knowledge he has or I want him to have about what is going on in my life.

 

Yes, I think we all get it that everyone has bad times and that kids are aware of that. I'm talking about being so bogged down in emotions that a person neglects their children, or puts them in a position where their childhood is basically stolen. It's not a good move. And no man on this earth is worth that.

[Ms. Red]

Yes, I think we all get it that everyone has bad times and that kids are aware of that. I'm talking about being so bogged down in emotions that a person neglects their children, or puts them in a position where their childhood is basically stolen. It's not a good move. And no man on this earth is worth that.

 

Again, I ask you: Where are all these stories that you are referring to? And I add, what does that have to do with IMTK & her pain?

[Fallen Angel]

How are you doing today IMTK?

 

We need to change your acronym to make you laugh. Hmmm.....

 

I made those kites?

 

No?

 

In my too kit? No?

 

I'll mauled that kid? Not quite?

 

I mated that kitty?

 

Come on LSers, help me make her laugh.

 

IMTK -- I might take kickboxing?

 

Hmmm.....

 

I miss Tom Kat?

 

I'm too kool?

 

 

Honey -- let us know how you are!!!!

 

Invisible Mittens Tickle Knees?

 

Incredible Mother Teaches Kids?

 

Invicible Maiden Tracks Killers!!

 

Iguanas Make Tasty Kabobs?

 

Icelanders Mount Trecherous Kawasakis?

 

Okay, I can't think of anymore..

[Fallen Angel]

Again, I ask you: Where are all these stories that you are referring to? And I add, what does that have to do with IMTK & her pain?

 

I am trying to figure that one out too. I am sure IMTK is making sure her children are well cared for. That comment had no basis in the facts as we know them or how they have been portrayed to us here. IMTK has never given us reason to doubt her skills as a mother.

[Ms. Red]

 

Incredible Mother Teaches Kids?

I love this one.

 

 

Iguanas Make Tasty Kabobs?

LMAO I vote for this one.

[White Flower]

Invisible Mittens Tickle Knees?

 

Incredible Mother Teaches Kids?

 

Invicible Maiden Tracks Killers!!

 

Iguanas Make Tasty Kabobs?

 

Icelanders Mount Trecherous Kawasakis?

 

Okay, I can't think of anymore..

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:p:p They're all good!

 

IMTK, give us an update sweetie.

[Fallen Angel]

Oh, Oh, I got it!!

 

I MODEL TACKY KNICKERS!!!

[jennie-jennie]

Yes, I think we all get it that everyone has bad times and that kids are aware of that. I'm talking about being so bogged down in emotions that a person neglects their children, or puts them in a position where their childhood is basically stolen. It's not a good move. And no man on this earth is worth that.

 

Again, I ask you: Where are all these stories that you are referring to? And I add, what does that have to do with IMTK & her pain?

 

Angel, I read LS all the time and I have seen no such stories.

 

And stating these things while starting off with quoting my post?!! We were NC for 6 days (during which my kids were not neglected although affected), how can you talk about "their childhood is basically stolen"?

Edited February 2, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[Angel1111]

Again, I ask you: Where are all these stories that you are referring to? And I add, what does that have to do with IMTK & her pain?

 

I'm not going to mention names. If it applies to IMTK, then I'm sure she'll see it. If it doesn't, then great.

[Angel1111]

Angel, I read LS all the time and I have seen no such stories.

 

And stating these things while starting off with quoting my post?!! We were NC for 6 days (during which my kids were not neglected although affected), how can you talk about "their childhood is basically stolen"?

 

Based on what you said in the post, it alarmed me. If you don't see it on LS and if it doesn't apply to you, wonderful. I already apologized for using your quote.

[Fallen Angel]

I'm not going to mention names. If it applies to IMTK, then I'm sure she'll see it. If it doesn't, then great.

 

If you are referencing 'these stories you have seen on LS' then it is important that you "mention names", as to refuse to tell us which stories you are referencing tends to lead one to believe it is all a bunch of... excrement and that said "stories" don't exist.

[Angel1111]

If you are referencing 'these stories you have seen on LS' then it is important that you "mention names", as to refuse to tell us which stories you are referencing tends to lead one to believe it is all a bunch of... excrement and that said "stories" don't exist.

 

You can believe what you want. I see a lot of things on here where women are willing to let everything fall by the wayside because of some idiot man who doesnt even deserve the time of day. Perhaps you don't see it because it's not an issue, or I read things differently than you. So things that look one way to me, may look different to you, so it doesn't register the same way. That's fine. Again, if it doesn't apply to you, don't worry about it. I'm done talking about this.

Edited February 2, 2010 by Angel1111

[White Flower]

Oh, Oh, I got it!!

 

I MODEL TACKY KNICKERS!!!

Tee hee!:cool:

[White Flower]

You can believe what you want. I see a lot of things on here where women are willing to let everything fall by the wayside because of some idiot man who doesnt even deserve the time of day. Perhaps you don't see it because it's not an issue, or I read things differently than you. So things that look one way to me, may look different to you, so it doesn't register the same way. That's fine. Again, if it doesn't apply to you, don't worry about it. I'm done talking about this.

Sounds like you're describing my exH here. My kids were far more neglected while I was M to him than when I was with MM. MM encouraged me, filled my heart, and I'm sure my children benefitted from that experience.

 

Sometimes it is the spouse within the M that is not worth the time of day and we 'let everything fall by the wayside' because of them. Some of us D in order to stop that madness. Just another view.

[JoyDevine]

You can believe what you want. I see a lot of things on here where women are willing to let everything fall by the wayside because of some idiot man who doesnt even deserve the time of day. Perhaps you don't see it because it's not an issue, or I read things differently than you. So things that look one way to me, may look different to you, so it doesn't register the same way. That's fine. Again, if it doesn't apply to you, don't worry about it. I'm done talking about this.

 

I appreciate where you were coming from. Whenever I read these heartbreaking stories, I worry about the kids involved.

 

Like you said, if it doesn't apply, then don't worry. Just because it doesn't apply to you, doesn't mean it doesn't need to be said. It needed to be said. There are a lot of people reading these boards. Maybe someone who really needs to hear that right now will benefit from you saying it.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

IMTK, how are you doing today? I hope things are getting better for you. You've been in my prayers.

[I Miss the Kiss]

IMTK, how are you doing today? I hope things are getting better for you. You've been in my prayers.

 

BEJ~

 

I'm okay, I guess. Very anxious yet very tired, but I am getting past the feeling that my phone should ring or that I should get a text. I am not "expecting" it anymore. I was finally able to tell myself today that "he knows what he lost" and I have no doubt he is suffering for it. He is being very strong and had avoided everything I sent him up til a couple of days ago when I finally got some sense and stopped contacting him

 

Hemay be miserable, he may not... but I can't let that be my worry anymore. He will probably pop up again when I least expect it, and I will be ready for it when he does. I won't be rude, but I will tell him in no uncertain terms that I will not be treated that way again and that he needs to go back to his M that he so despreately wanted to save, even hours after moving out and running to me, promising a life with him. I think he loves me but not enough to move heaven and earth to be with me, and that's just not enough for me anymore. I deserve better. I did nothing but love him, be faithful to him (faithful to a MM!), and patient. He doesn't deserve the grace I extended to him time and time again...

 

I am going to work on ME now. Getting out more, enjoying my daughters, getting through this divorce, which is not pretty right now. I have changed ICs and am in more intensive therapy now. I look forward to the challenge.

 

All this being said, I am still heartbroken and hurting inside. I miss his face and his voice every single minute of my day. He is very broken, too, and I find myself wanting to wrap my arms around him and help him through it, but that's not my job. He chose his W for that, so she can HAVE HIM. She has her work cut out for her, I know that much!

 

I will have better and worse days, and I am exhausted today, but I will get past this. My life does not depend on this man any longer. If he does come back around, he might just find he made an even bigger mistake than he thought, because by then I will be a stronger, more confident woman with a lot more to offer someone who is willing to stand up for me...

 

Still crying today, though

[hopeless4u]

BEJ~

 

I'm okay, I guess. Very anxious yet very tired, but I am getting past the feeling that my phone should ring or that I should get a text. I am not "expecting" it anymore. I was finally able to tell myself today that "he knows what he lost" and I have no doubt he is suffering for it. He is being very strong and had avoided everything I sent him up til a couple of days ago when I finally got some sense and stopped contacting him

 

Hemay be miserable, he may not... but I can't let that be my worry anymore. He will probably pop up again when I least expect it, and I will be ready for it when he does. I won't be rude, but I will tell him in no uncertain terms that I will not be treated that way again and that he needs to go back to his M that he so despreately wanted to save, even hours after moving out and running to me, promising a life with him. I think he loves me but not enough to move heaven and earth to be with me, and that's just not enough for me anymore. I deserve better. I did nothing but love him, be faithful to him (faithful to a MM!), and patient. He doesn't deserve the grace I extended to him time and time again...

 

I am going to work on ME now. Getting out more, enjoying my daughters, getting through this divorce, which is not pretty right now. I have changed ICs and am in more intensive therapy now. I look forward to the challenge.

 

All this being said, I am still heartbroken and hurting inside. I miss his face and his voice every single minute of my day. He is very broken, too, and I find myself wanting to wrap my arms around him and help him through it, but that's not my job. He chose his W for that, so she can HAVE HIM. She has her work cut out for her, I know that much!

 

I will have better and worse days, and I am exhausted today, but I will get past this. My life does not depend on this man any longer. If he does come back around, he might just find he made an even bigger mistake than he thought, because by then I will be a stronger, more confident woman with a lot more to offer someone who is willing to stand up for me...

 

Still crying today, though

 

 

My heart really does go out to you, I have been where you are. My son went to his dads on Christmas night and I was alone for almost 2 weeks and off work, all I did was drink and sob, still do sometimes.

The pain I went through those 2 weeks was like nothing I have ever experienced in my life and when I did finally speak with xMM he made all the excuses that you would expect and guess what...I believed him, I wouldn't go back into the A but the E side of things were still as strong as they ever were and then I cried some more.....

 

He has just thrown me under a bus for the 2nd time and finally I can see....It really is all about HIM, not me, not his W, HIM!!!

 

Now I'm angry and its the best I have felt since DDay.

 

You will get there I promise. It won't be easy and I'm far from healed but I'm on the next stage I hope and it does feel better.

 

((hugs))

[Angel1111]

So glad to hear you're doing a little better, IMTK. It is truly a tough process and I know your heart is breaking. You'll probably have ok days, and then really bad ones again. He has left you no choice but to move on and reclaim your happiness.

 

When I used to think about xMM going home to his wife, telling her whatever he thought she wanted to hear, while he was still sleeping with me (or trying to), it began to get under my skin after awhile because there comes a point when the lies have to stop and a decision has to be made. It was then that I started losing respect for him. I still care about him and I think that, overall, he's a good man, but it was up to me to stop the madness. It's the same for you, to not let this back into your life. I'm now so much better without all the drama of being with a MM. I'm convinced that it's the most heartbreaking thing we can invite into our lives. You're going to get there.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Yes, I think that once this drama subsides I will start to feel normal again. I have forgotten what it feels like to live without all of the wondering when he will call, if he will call, why he doesn't call.... its draining.

 

I guess in a strange way I'm proud of him for finally growing a pair and making a solid choice. I hate the way he did it and that he put he through HELL by leaving his W and running to me and then back to her within 24 hours, which was heart-wrenching, but at least there is some finality to it now. I know that he's not all that happy right now, even though he chose to stay there, because I believe he truly does love me. So it must suck to be him right now He is going to have to heal, too...

 

Oh well, onward and upward. This divorce is a mess and I am still struggling with the whys and if it is even the right thing to do, so my thoughts have shifted somewhat to that now, but at least my thoughts are not as focused on xMM now.

 

My head hurts

[Fallen Angel]

Yes, I think that once this drama subsides I will start to feel normal again. I have forgotten what it feels like to live without all of the wondering when he will call, if he will call, why he doesn't call.... its draining.

 

I guess in a strange way I'm proud of him for finally growing a pair and making a solid choice. I hate the way he did it and that he put he through HELL by leaving his W and running to me and then back to her within 24 hours, which was heart-wrenching, but at least there is some finality to it now. I know that he's not all that happy right now, even though he chose to stay there, because I believe he truly does love me. So it must suck to be him right now He is going to have to heal, too...

 

Oh well, onward and upward. This divorce is a mess and I am still struggling with the whys and if it is even the right thing to do, so my thoughts have shifted somewhat to that now, but at least my thoughts are not as focused on xMM now.

 

My head hurts

 

I very much hope that you and your husband slow this roll a little bit before it goes too far.

 

I think you need to re-examine what it is that your heart really wants... I really feel that if you look at how devastated you were, and who it was that cared enough to help you, and do what was best for you in that moment, you will maybe realize that there is more there worth fighting for than you have been telling yourself.

 

I really want to talk to you.. perhaps I will write you a pm tonight... or in the morning.. meanwhile, Hugs to you..

[BlueeyedJonesy]

You sound like you are on the right path and starting to get in the right way of thinking. Don't feel sorrow for him..he doesn't deserve your sympathy or his W's at this point. Knowing how devastated you are I can only imagine how she is feeling that he did this. It sounds like he has some serious inner demons to work out. I hope things with your D start going alot smoother..and that you can find more and more happiness in each and every day. I'm sure there will be harder days to come, just know that we are all here to listen. Keep your head up and take some time out for yourself.