How to approach this

[mlh5046]

Alright, I have known a girl for 10 years. Know she used to like me, a lot. We have hooked up before but nothing ever got past intense make out sessions. She is currently dating a friend of mine, has been for quite a bit.

 

But the truth is I know her well and know she likes being with him because it is the "safe choice" and he'd never cheat on her, break up w her etc.. She likes being in control. Currently I am feeling intense regret about never getting an opportunity to date her. I know she would have liked to in the past, but she was just too shy to have a sober serious conversation with. Even when we get drunk together now she tries to put the moves on me, but I wont make moves back because shes with a friend of mine.

 

Long story short, I am 99% sure she wants the same thing I do. She has told me several times she "loves" me, drunkly of course. I know that word is nothing but it is kind of something. She even wrote me a letter, one time after we hung out for a weekend for this party thing and it was very intense.

 

How am I supposed to go about this? I want to let her know that she should man up go for what she wants. I do not like talking to her about this subject though because she is in a relationship w a friend.

 

Thanks in advance.

[O'Malley]

I wouldn't risk a friendship for a woman who doesn't appear secure enough to be in a relationship with anyone.

 

I know her well and know she likes being with him because it is the "safe choice" and he'd never cheat on her, break up w her etc.. She likes being in control.

Even when we get drunk together now she tries to put the moves on me, but I wont make moves back because shes with a friend of mine.

I don't get the sense that this woman wants to pursue anything more than hooking up with you. She figures you're not relationship material, but she likes the attention you give her. After 10 years, if both of you had wanted to be in a relationship, it would have occurred by now.

 

There's no mystery here; laying more groundwork with her almost guarantees losing your friend. It depends on what you're more willing to give up. You may eventually end up with neither of them in your life anyway.

[In_Repair]

mlh, it's actually time for you to man-up. Stop hiding behind the fact that she is dating your friend. Unless he just really does not care about this girl at all, you are probably going to lose this friend unless you stop ALL inappropriate contact with this woman and bring him up to speed on the issue.

 

Do you want her for your own, or do you just want her for some fun? A little bit of fun isn't worth losing a good friend, plus any other friends that might take his side. If you really want to be with this woman then say "screw the consequences" and lay it all on the line. You will either end up with her, or nothing.