minniezz Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Uhm, 1st of all, this makes me feel kinda weird when i'm actually posting my family issue on some public sites but i do need some advices. The thing is my mother thinks that my dads having a love affair with someone and it concerns her alot and i dont know what to do. Can anyone ( the people had been thro the same situation) gimme some advices for what to do pls ? I'm kinda lost cz i dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Hugs, minnie. Your mom has made a mistake involving you in her marital relationship. Regardless of your age, both your parents need to find more appropriate arenas in which to resolve their relationship problems. You can tell her that you're sorry she's having these worries, and then ask her to please keep you out of it from now on. You can suggest that she needs to speak with her husband about her concerns, alone or in the presence of a marriage counselor or her faith leader (if she goes to church.) You could also mention that she can even hire a private detective if she wishes to. But, no matter what she chooses to do about resolving her own problems, she must also respect the parent-child relationship and stop using you as her peer/counselor/sounding board. She is, in effect, dumping it on you and now you're stuck with the burden of it but without emotional support or guidance. Let her know that it leaves you feeling confused and helpless; that you don't know what to do...and you're not supposed to know what to do. Be honest with her about your own feelings and needs. She has made a mistake, and that's perfectly forgivable. And you can ask her to not keep repeating it. Hugs, and best wishes for you and your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minniezz Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 Thx Ronnie for the advices. Appreciated. My mom wants me to talk to my dad bout it. Its getting more and more complicated when my mom keeps pushing me and my dad keeps saying he doesn't have one. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Minnie, I can only imagine the difficult spot you're in! I'm sorry for that. I would encourage you to give this one back to your mom, gently and with love. Tell her you cannot do it. Tell her it is not your place. Tell her you love her and your dad equally, and you do not wish to have burdens placed that. Tell her that you want to her to be happy and worry-free but what she is doing to you is unfair. She needs to take responsibility here, and act on her own behalf. If she really wants/needs a third party to intervene then she MUST find someone else; someone of her own generation, or a trained professional (who may or may not be a whole lot younger.) Sit both your mom and your dad down together, and explain this to them. Tell them they need help that you don't have the responsibility or qualifications to offer. Ask them to stop the craziness. Let them know that they are BOTH exhausting and depleting you. Also ask for your own counselor/therapist, if you feel that you need it -- to me, I know that I would need it. Hugs, minnie. This is a really bad situation for you. Unfortunately, since your parents are apparently not, right now, capable of being the best parents they can be, you do need to step up and speak out for your Self. Doing that could ALSO inspire and motivate them to do what they need to do for their continued happy, healthy and successful marriage. They way they're both carrying on, they are risking a LOT! You can make them aware of this in a non-judgmental, caring way. (You could even just show them your thread, or read it to them, to help them understand how their current way of doing things is negatively impacting you.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author minniezz Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Well, can i kinda talk to you in private ? There are more confusing things than i think Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Minnie, we could talk privately but you don't yet have access to LoveShack messaging system. (I think it's cos your post count is too low...I'm not sure the exact number that's required, but up around 60.) If you have some time to check other posts and add useful info, suggestions, support...that might be your way to go. And then just message me whenever you get access. Your other option is to buy a month's LoveShack membership (doesn't cost much at all), which would give you instant access to the messaging system. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minniezz Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Yeah ok thx i'll pm u whenever i can Link to post Share on other sites
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