Could do with some insight...again!

[Crazyforhim]

Use this stupid text he sent you to your advantage... read it over and over this week so that you develop anger and more anger towards him... to the point where you can push him away and move on.

 

He really doesn't deserve any attention you give him. I know it's hard when you have a MM to continue to feel like you have to make excuses for his behavior (his wife put him up to it, he doesn't really feel that way). I know, I've done it myself so many times. Bottom line is, he isn't man enough to admit to her how he feels about you or how he's acting so you have to pay the price to keep his azz out of trouble with her.

[Angel1111]

Me thinks..you, him and her are playing games with each other. Put on your big girl panties and tell him where to take a short walk to. Games are for kids......not adults.

 

I don't think she's really playing games because she didn't even respond to his ridiculous text message. That probably took quite a bit of self-control in itself. If she were playing games, she would've pounced on the opportunity.

[whichwayisup]

But YOU opened that door by making a promise to her if/when he contacts you, YOU would let her know!

 

You have NO control over what he does or what she does. F*k it, let them contact you all they want! YOU don't have to respond, or react. Silence is golden when used properly.

 

If you want the hurting to stop, the pain to end - JUST STOP playing their game and for once, MAKE A DECISION and stick to it. If you do NC, then STAY IN NC MODE. You keep changing the rules along the way and that is another reason why you're still hurting so much on a daily basis.

[hopeless4u]

Thumbs up....great idea!

 

It's like I suggested also, you can convey so much by actions, actions speak so much louder than words. BTW.......what is it that is repeated over and over here, about the MM, watch his actions not the words. You've got that power also.

 

Remember.........COLD, like a block of ice. Get pissed.

 

 

I am hoping that this week with him not being in work will give me the time out I need to get that seriously pissed off feeling that I will be able to do the 'look' that will make him think 'F**K'!!!

At the moment I'm there, just need to stay there for a few more days!!

[Angel1111]

I am hoping that this week with him not being in work will give me the time out I need to get that seriously pissed off feeling that I will be able to do the 'look' that will make him think 'F**K'!!!

At the moment I'm there, just need to stay there for a few more days!!

 

So, what's the deal? He's off on vacation with his wife this week? That alone would piss me off. Just one more strike against him.

[hopeless4u]

Use this stupid text he sent you to your advantage... read it over and over this week so that you develop anger and more anger towards him... to the point where you can push him away and move on.

 

He really doesn't deserve any attention you give him. I know it's hard when you have a MM to continue to feel like you have to make excuses for his behavior (his wife put him up to it, he doesn't really feel that way). I know, I've done it myself so many times. Bottom line is, he isn't man enough to admit to her how he feels about you or how he's acting so you have to pay the price to keep his azz out of trouble with her.

 

 

This just what I have been doing, reading it and thinking what a piece of sh*t he is for letting either his W write it or make him write it. I guess he thinks by warning me it was coming and to ignore it it would be ok but it F**king well isn't ok!!!

I'm getting there and its making me madder and madder, by the time he gets back hopefully I'll be ready to give him the kick in the balls he deserves!!!

[hopeless4u]

I don't think she's really playing games because she didn't even respond to his ridiculous text message. That probably took quite a bit of self-control in itself. If she were playing games, she would've pounced on the opportunity.

 

Yes it has taken a lot of control not to respond to any of the texts I have received.

Like I said I don't want to play games and I won't be dragged into theirs, I just need that extra little strength to take that next step. This latest text hopefully will be it.....hopefully, just need to stay angry!!

[hopeless4u]

But YOU opened that door by making a promise to her if/when he contacts you, YOU would let her know!

 

You have NO control over what he does or what she does. F*k it, let them contact you all they want! YOU don't have to respond, or react. Silence is golden when used properly.

 

If you want the hurting to stop, the pain to end - JUST STOP playing their game and for once, MAKE A DECISION and stick to it. If you do NC, then STAY IN NC MODE. You keep changing the rules along the way and that is another reason why you're still hurting so much on a daily basis.

 

 

I haven't responded to the text messages and don't intend to. I also haven't reacted to them except on here but isn't that what LS is all about??

I am trying I really am. I will tell him when he gets back to leave me alone, the latest text has finally helped me see him for what he is.

[Angel1111]

Yes it has taken a lot of control not to respond to any of the texts I have received.

Like I said I don't want to play games and I won't be dragged into theirs, I just need that extra little strength to take that next step. This latest text hopefully will be it.....hopefully, just need to stay angry!!

 

Well, let me tell you that by not responding, you have made them both look and feel really stupid. Keep up the good work. They shouldn't be contacting you at all.

[Angel1111]

I haven't responded to the text messages and don't intend to. I also haven't reacted to them except on here but isn't that what LS is all about??

I am trying I really am. I will tell him when he gets back to leave me alone, the latest text has finally helped me see him for what he is.

 

You mean you've been getting a bunch of texts? What are they about?

[hopeless4u]

So, what's the deal? He's off on vacation with his wife this week? That alone would piss me off. Just one more strike against him.

 

 

Hah, well I did say after DDay, whens the 'make up' holiday then??

A group of them have gone skiing (regular thing), she usually stays at home but this time has chosen to go but as it turns out its not a bad thing.....give me some breathing space and him some M time I guess.

Just as long as I get no more texts as the last one was Sat night and they got there Sat morning!!

[norajane]

Yes it has taken a lot of control not to respond to any of the texts I have received.

Like I said I don't want to play games and I won't be dragged into theirs, I just need that extra little strength to take that next step. This latest text hopefully will be it.....hopefully, just need to stay angry!!

 

If you BLOCK his number, you won't have to receive or read any texts and you won't have to hope it's the last text because you wont' receive any texts. Just pointing that out. Again.

 

You haven't blocked his number...why?

[hopeless4u]

You mean you've been getting a bunch of texts? What are they about?

 

 

His W has text a few times since DDay, mostly asking if we have been in contact then last week she text saying she had saw my myspace posting (she googled me after DDay) and demanded an answer of 'what did it mean and had I been in contact with him?' I never replied and she hasn't told him she sent it.

 

I get she would be curious but the text pissed me off a bit as now I am careful of what I post in case she reads it the wrong way.

 

I'll tell him to leave me alone when he gets back and hopefully I'll hear nothing more.

[hopeless4u]

If you BLOCK his number, you won't have to receive or read any texts and you won't have to hope it's the last text because you wont' receive any texts. Just pointing that out. Again.

 

You haven't blocked his number...why?

 

 

They were from her phone except the one on Sat which was from his.

I meant the last one from his W.

 

I guess blocking his number was/is very final and I haven't been strong enough to do that. Like I said before, he has said that if staying in touch isn't helping me he would stop. Next step I suppose....

[Fallen Angel]

I am in NO WAY fighting over this man.....the reason I post on here is to get THIS MAN out of my system and not react to his W texting me.

 

If I wanted to fight over him I would not be venting my frustration over the situation on here I would be telling him how I feel and play on his feelings and guilt like his W is doing.

 

I think you SHOULD react to her texting you this time. you should react by setting her straight, a simple..

 

"if your H no longer wants contact with me, then perhaps he should quit being the one who makes contact. I did NOT phone your H, he phoned me. I am sorry if he has led you to believe otherwise, I will be glad to forward you the portion of my phone bill from that day that shows incoming and outgoing calls."

 

I would think that would do the trick quite nicely. Also, i would forward back to her his text asking you to 'ignore' whatever she sends you.

Edited February 1, 2010 by Fallen Angel

[White Flower]

I don't want to get torn apart here, just need to vent a little and wonder if anyone else has had the same sort of thing happen?

I had a D-day about a month ago. She made him call me while she was on the other line listening and he said he wouldn't be calling me anymore and please don't call him back.

 

Two days later he activated another phone and we speak every day but I have decided I want Low Contact while he is in counseling. I can't go back to the A as it was, in part because that act shed a different light on him than I've ever seen before. He was submissive to her and I always saw him as a strong hero, an alpha male.

 

I was angry, too, that he agreed to do this. I know many BW will defend his W here and I will accept that but I couldn't do it and would not. It is humiliating and it feels like being gang-jumped. It's two against one. I anticipate some BW saying it was two against one during the A but I beg to differ. HE did the cheating against her during the A. Had he been cheating with porn she wouldn't have made him call the director of the porn flick in front of her while she listened on the other line. Besides, it was humiliating enough getting caught so forcing him to make that call was an unneccessary extra act of humiliation.

[norajane]

I had a D-day about a month ago. She made him call me while she was on the other line listening and he said he wouldn't be calling me anymore and please don't call him back.

 

Two days later he activated another phone and we speak every day but I have decided I want Low Contact while he is in counseling. I can't go back to the A as it was, in part because that act shed a different light on him than I've ever seen before. He was submissive to her and I always saw him as a strong hero, an alpha male.

 

I was angry, too, that he agreed to do this. I know many BW will defend his W here and I will accept that but I couldn't do it and would not. It is humiliating and it feels like being gang-jumped. It's two against one. I anticipate some BW saying it was two against one during the A but I beg to differ. HE did the cheating against her during the A. Had he been cheating with porn she wouldn't have made him call the director of the porn flick in front of her while she listened on the other line. Besides, it was humiliating enough getting caught so forcing him to make that call was an unneccessary extra act of humiliation.

 

And you're not disgusted that he is sneaking around again behind her back in order to speak to you? That he didn't have the balls to either end the marriage now, or step back from you while he is in counseling? You aren't angry about that?

 

Why do you think this will end well for you when this is the kind of guy you're fighting to have?

 

And...I think you're wrong...it is two against the wife when you are colluding behind her back with her H to have an affair and keep her in the dark for how ever many years you did it.

[jwi71]

so forcing him to make that call was an unneccessary extra act of humiliation.

 

No...a necessary act of reconciliation.

 

WF, you - perhaps better than most - know this. The BW wasn't humiliating him but attempting to kill the A and save the M. And, for reasons your MM knows, agreed to it. Seriously, he has the PERFECT out...why doesn't he take it?

[fooled once]

Yes I know, I am fully aware that I am weak and its my own fault for letting him stay in my life and as I said I want to be strong enough to tell him to stay away from me but I also have to add that his W is not being straight forward and is playing games just as much as he is.

 

You are blaming his wife because you don't want to blame him.

 

H4U -- seriously, he sat there and typed you a text that his wife watched him write. I mean, come on.

 

He calls you to tell you she saw an incoming call from you --- did you call him at all? Blaming her for not realizing an incoming vs outgoing call is silly -- for all YOU know, he said the only reason he called you was because YOU called him.

 

When are you going to call a spade a spade??? When are you going to quit making excuses for HIM?

 

And I agree - this whole 'weak' thing is inaccurate. Do you consider yourself a weak woman? Or are you only "weak" in regards to telling him to shove off?

 

I think you enjoy the attention from him and you are going to keep playing this game (and you are playing the game) for as long as you see that you are getting attention from him.

 

It actually makes me quite sad to see so many women who proclaim "but I can't stop myself" or "I can't help myself" or "I can't control myself" in regards to these cheating men. How sad for you all

[fooled once]

His W has text a few times since DDay, mostly asking if we have been in contact then last week she text saying she had saw my myspace posting (she googled me after DDay) and demanded an answer of 'what did it mean and had I been in contact with him?' I never replied and she hasn't told him she sent it.

 

I get she would be curious but the text pissed me off a bit as now I am careful of what I post in case she reads it the wrong way.

 

I'll tell him to leave me alone when he gets back and hopefully I'll hear nothing more.

 

You are making assumptions -- how exactly did she DEMAND??

 

H4U, I know you think I too am being hard on you, but you are making excuse, after excuse, after excuse to not cut him out of your life.

 

When he returns, you look him in the eye and tell him to NOT contact you anymore unless it is about work -- PERIOD. And since he isn't YOUR manager, there shouldn't REALLY be a need to contact you.

 

He has made his choice - his wife. That alone should piss you off. It hasn't. He has now allowed his wife to tell you to leave them alone (because I do believe he threw you under the bus again and said you were contacting him) and that is the reason for the latest text message. That should piss you off and have you end it. It probably hasn't.

 

AND he has gone on vacation with his wife -- and again, that should make you end it -- but I doubt it will.

 

One day, you will decide you are DONE. I hope it is sooner rather than later because the ONLY one being hurt, upset and irritated is you.

 

BLOCK them from your phone and email. I dare you to

[White Flower]

And you're not disgusted that he is sneaking around again behind her back in order to speak to you? That he didn't have the balls to either end the marriage now, or step back from you while he is in counseling? You aren't angry about that?

 

Why do you think this will end well for you when this is the kind of guy you're fighting to have?

 

And...I think you're wrong...it is two against the wife when you are colluding behind her back with her H to have an affair and keep her in the dark for how ever many years you did it.

I am stepping back from HIM while he is in counseling. I told him that I was disgusted and angry.

 

I am not sure it will end well for me. He is doing the fighting, not me.

 

You can disagree with me. It is the never-ending discussion here at LS about As. I am on the side that believes he cheated on her because he had the contract with her. I did not.

[White Flower]

No...a necessary act of reconciliation.

 

WF, you - perhaps better than most - know this. The BW wasn't humiliating him but attempting to kill the A and save the M. And, for reasons your MM knows, agreed to it. Seriously, he has the PERFECT out...why doesn't he take it?

I don't even know if it is a reconciliation in her mind as he never admitted a PA and she never called me to dig further. I wish she had. She only thinks she put an end to a few calls during each week.

 

I don't know if you ever received a NC call like that, but it IS humiliating on both ends. Probably more for him than for myself as I only received it in a voicemail.

 

I know of it (act of reconciliation), but do not believe in obtaining it this way. When my exH had his A I didn't force him to make any calls. I actually visited the OW in an attempt to have it out with her but when I saw her I felt compassionate. She knew why I was there and I didn't have to say anything. We made small talk and she never came in to our business again after that. There are other ways and they do work.

 

He doesn't take 'the out' because there is unfinished business in his head and perhaps with us. He is in counseling figuring that out right now.

Edited February 2, 2010 by White Flower

[jennie-jennie]

No...a necessary act of reconciliation.

 

WF, you - perhaps better than most - know this. The BW wasn't humiliating him but attempting to kill the A and save the M. And, for reasons your MM knows, agreed to it. Seriously, he has the PERFECT out...why doesn't he take it?

 

Well, it obviously didn't do the job of killing the affair, so did any good really come from it? All it was was a phony phone call. Perhaps it calms the wife and makes her less observant?

[mybrowneyedgirl]

we've had TONS of phony phone calls. 99% of them i knew of before they happened and went along with it. there were a few that he explained himself afterwards.

 

there were some emails too.

 

i could care less, its par for the course. if she really gets some comfort out of it, then so be it. theres a much bigger picture going on behind the scenes. a forced phone call is just trivial when looking at the whole scenario.

[Fallen Angel]

we've had TONS of phony phone calls. 99% of them i knew of before they happened and went along with it. there were a few that he explained himself afterwards.

 

there were some emails too.

 

i could care less, its par for the course. if she really gets some comfort out of it, then so be it. theres a much bigger picture going on behind the scenes. a forced phone call is just trivial when looking at the whole scenario.

 

I guess I can kind of see where you are coming from there, but at the same time, i would lose some respect for My MM if he ever did that to me. I know that when we had our D-day he protected me, he would NOT make those phone calls, send those emails, texts etc. and he did not let her contact me.

 

I am grateful that he was unwilling to do something like that to me, just as I would not expect him to ever be hateful to her, and he wouldn't be, neither should she expect him to be hateful towards me, and he wouldn't.

 

Thing I do not understand is, why a BW would want to hear her H say or do bad things to his OW. I, as a BW, would be able to understand the affair more readily if I thought the OW was a wonderful amazing person, that he thought of as being on par with me. If he was willing to risk me for someone who he thought of as trash, or someone that he thought of as easily disposable, that would hurt me worse. *shrug* But that is just me i guess.