For those in AA

[Juniper22]

For those of you in AA or have been in AA, around here meetings are from 8-9pm. I know that at times they run over or people can hang around to chat, but is it odd to go in at 7pm before it starts at 8 and not come in until 10pm or after?

[Devil Inside]

For those of you in AA or have been in AA, around here meetings are from 8-9pm. I know that at times they run over or people can hang around to chat, but is it odd to go in at 7pm before it starts at 8 and not come in until 10pm or after?

 

I have not been to a meeting in years. However, sometimes I would meet up with my sponsor or some friends before or after.

 

This sounds like you questioning someone's alibi...so what is the real story here?

[Juniper22]

I know I have alot to learn about AA and I also understand meetings can run over etc.

 

Gonna try to make it short. I also have a thread going in Infidelity as well.

 

My current BF and I have been dating for almost a year. He is in AA, for almost 7 months now, he has done great. Meetings he goes to are usually on Wed, evenings, yes he has been to other ones too. He likes the one on Wednesdays best. They are usually from 8-9pm. All of a sudden after 7 months he now says he needs to go in earlier, and discuss the steps with his sponser. Thats fine not a problem. However he isn'tt really doing the steps like his sponser has asked. He told me this himself and it was just due to him being slack. So it went from him going from 8-9pm to, going in at 7pm and coming in after 10pm. I told him if he was going out after meetings for coffee or something that was fine to just tell me, but he said he wasn't.

 

I understand AA is work and it takes time, but I guess I found it odd, because it was one way for so long, and now it changed. I haven;t really questioned him much on it, because I'm just glad he has made the effort to get help. I just wasn''t sure about the time thing although I'm sure there is not set time. I guess too, I thought maybe it was possible he met or connected with another person there who was going through the same thing and maybe it wasn't that he was doing actual work/steps with his sponser, especially since he told me he wasn't doing what he knew he should be. I dunno, I guess if he isn't doig the work his sponser asked him to do, like right thiings down, then not sure what there would be to discuss.

 

Also another weird thing that could be purely coincidental. He received a text asking him how the snow our way was, with a smiley face and said love.

[PandorasBox]

I don't know much about AA either but my brother was in AA still goes every so often, but not like he used to. But I will tell you he lived at home with me and our folks when he was in AA, and I never remember his meetings lasting that long. An hour tops or maybe a little over just depends. Me and my mother both went with him before.

 

This is just my opinion. If he is not doing the work like you said he wasn't, as far as writing stuff down, (my brother used to do that and talk about what the steps mean to him) like his sponser wanted him to do, then I'm not sure what the point is for him to go in one hour before the meeting even begins and then staying an hour after too. If he was doing the steps then I could see it, but if he isn't then I'm not sure what he is discussing.

[New_Life08]

Yeah, sounds fishy. Are you the partner of someone attending meetings? If so...I'd be asking questions. I know some stay after or go out to coffee or something. But this should not be every time, and not without telling you what is going on.

[New_Life08]

I know I have alot to learn about AA and I also understand meetings can run over etc.

 

Gonna try to make it short. I also have a thread going in Infidelity as well.

 

My current BF and I have been dating for almost a year. He is in AA, for almost 7 months now, he has done great. Meetings he goes to are usually on Wed, evenings, yes he has been to other ones too. He likes the one on Wednesdays best. They are usually from 8-9pm. All of a sudden after 7 months he now says he needs to go in earlier, and discuss the steps with his sponser. Thats fine not a problem. However he isn'tt really doing the steps like his sponser has asked. He told me this himself and it was just due to him being slack. So it went from him going from 8-9pm to, going in at 7pm and coming in after 10pm. I told him if he was going out after meetings for coffee or something that was fine to just tell me, but he said he wasn't.

 

I understand AA is work and it takes time, but I guess I found it odd, because it was one way for so long, and now it changed. I haven;t really questioned him much on it, because I'm just glad he has made the effort to get help. I just wasn''t sure about the time thing although I'm sure there is not set time. I guess too, I thought maybe it was possible he met or connected with another person there who was going through the same thing and maybe it wasn't that he was doing actual work/steps with his sponser, especially since he told me he wasn't doing what he knew he should be. I dunno, I guess if he isn't doig the work his sponser asked him to do, like right thiings down, then not sure what there would be to discuss.

 

Also another weird thing that could be purely coincidental. He received a text asking him how the snow our way was, with a smiley face and said love.

 

I'd be questioning this! My current bf is involved with Alon-on bc his ex wife was an alcoholic and he was the enabler. He still attends meetings once in awhile so he keeps on track with his own issues with enabling.

 

I do know that people meet there and bond through their experiences. He does not stay over at the meetings, but I know he has bonded with certain people who have been through some of the same issues.

 

Don't let him get away with his shady behavior by using the excuse of anonymity. That could be a convenient excuse to get away with an emotional affair or worse.

 

I am not saying he should reveal who people are, just that he needs to be accountable for this lost time. My bf has invited me to go to meetings with him. Since he offers for me to join him, it builds trust that his bond with these other women is platonic and harmless.

 

If I were you I would ask to go along to an AA meeting (to support him) or tell him you are going to join Alon-on to help you cope with a recovering alcoholic. His reaction to this should tell you a lot.

[Juniper22]

Thanks for the replies. Well, thats the thing, I kept thinking that AA would be a real good place for some people to meet/make connections with the opposite sex. I know and understand they do that with ALL people who are there but I mean something more that could go beyond just making new friends with similar alcohol issues. Yes, that can or could happen anywhere anytime, it ws just odd to me that he would go an hour earlier and leave and hour later, thats all I'm saying. At this point, I do not know for sure about anything. As far as going to a meeting, that is an option as is joining Al-Anon.

[JackJack]

My brother-in-law is in AA and also he sponsers people. I talked to him about this post just to get his views on it.

 

Sponsers do different things. They can talk to you over the phone. Talk to you before/after meetings. Have you write down things that mean a certain thing to you about steps, or actually talk about it without anything written.

 

He also said meeting a whole hour before sounded kind of fishy to him and then with your b/f staying after for about an hour was weird as well. He also said, meetings like AA or any of the other ones can be breeding grounds for affairs. WHY? Because people that are there, are there for the same reason(s) So chances are high they will connect with another person who can feel their pain or share in their experiences ( yes connecting with the opposite sex too). Someone who is going to understand them better than a person who hasn't been through those kinds of things. He said he has seen it happen before.

 

He isn't saying that is what your b/f is doing, because no one knows that, just yet. He is saying its possible. And yes its possible for people to connect and have an affair, even those not in AA meetings, but he was saying it seems to be a common place for that to possibly happen.

[Clep]

I used to go to open AA meetings all the time and still go to Al-anon meetings. I meet with my sponsor for an hour before every meeting and when I used to go with my ex to AA we used to meet a group before our meetings often.