pureinheart Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 What is your opinions concerning the individual that requires an ultimatum, or one of the parties has to let's say "jump start" the other party. First IMO ultimatums can be controlling, although I have to say it is also the person being straight up about a particular matter and saying, "hey wake up, or I'm gonna roll". My second question has me greatly concerned...I will use a senerio to explain what I'm trying to say: Let's say I want to get M (someday) and my SO is aware of this fact. I wait and wait and nothing moves in that direction....so I start seeing other people and all of a sudden comes the "M" word from SO.... Is this cool? Or is this a game? In my thinking, why did he not want to to begin with? Why a jump start? Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 What is your opinions concerning the individual that requires an ultimatum, or one of the parties has to let's say "jump start" the other party. First IMO ultimatums can be controlling, although I have to say it is also the person being straight up about a particular matter and saying, "hey wake up, or I'm gonna roll". My second question has me greatly concerned...I will use a senerio to explain what I'm trying to say: Let's say I want to get M (someday) and my SO is aware of this fact. I wait and wait and nothing moves in that direction....so I start seeing other people and all of a sudden comes the "M" word from SO.... Is this cool? Or is this a game? In my thinking, why did he not want to to begin with? Why a jump start? To answer your first question..I have no first hand experience. But my BF and co-worker was with her man for 10 years. They owned two homes. He wanted to sell one and buy another. She said enough is enough, when are we getting married? He didn't want to..so she left for one night. He begged her back, proposed, and they got married 5 years ago. They have a 2yr old now. She is happy, but she brings up the fact quite often, that she regrets it. She wishes it had been his idea, not that she threatend him. She wonders if he would have ever asked her, and if he regrets it. She is jealous of girls who get asked by their SO's without threats. That's just her view. In my opinion, it's all a game. That doesn't make it bad. What's bad is being unhappy, so do what will make you most happy. . Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 To answer your first question..I have no first hand experience. But my BF and co-worker was with her man for 10 years. They owned two homes. He wanted to sell one and buy another. She said enough is enough, when are we getting married? He didn't want to..so she left for one night. He begged her back, proposed, and they got married 5 years ago. They have a 2yr old now. She is happy, but she brings up the fact quite often, that she regrets it. She wishes it had been his idea, not that she threatend him. She wonders if he would have ever asked her, and if he regrets it. She is jealous of girls who get asked by their SO's without threats. That's just her view. In my opinion, it's all a game. That doesn't make it bad. What's bad is being unhappy, so do what will make you most happy. . It sounds like they are very happy...the only thing I would say to her is if he still holds back on other things, like if she continually has to jump start him, then it would be a problem. I think how she handled everything was the right thing, she was straight up and showed him what life "could" be without her...he couldn't hang and stepped up to the plate, I admire him for that. Had he not, then he was playing house with her...now this is cool IF that is ok with both people. I understand how she feels...and with your reply am contemplating if I could handle it or not, and would I feel a "void" in this area. If there is a void then I would be seeking a R or A with another to "get" what I "missed"...this is just me and am getting to know ME very well lately! LOL Thank you so much, this has given me much to ponder.... Link to post Share on other sites
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