Re: long distance love

[torn away]

I.P.S is intensive probation services. I really wish I could move back to the town where he is, but I am not an American citizen and I just moved away from there a year ago to come back to my own country, and I have a much better life here that I ever did there. My friend, lets call him mike, he hates it there too. its a dirthole of a town, and there are no oppotunities there. so, other than being with the man I love [if he wants to be with me, I havent told him yet, and although i know he loves me i just dont know if he wants that kind of commitment], anyway other than being together there is nothing there for me. here I have my work, and shcool, and my life. he does not have much of a life there, and he is planning to move as soon as he can. I just dont know if he is willing to leave the country. He could get his probation transferred up here, but only if we were married. please dont get the wrong impression about him because of his legal situation. he is a sweetheart of a aman and he would do anything to protect his friends, and that is what got him into trouble. a friend of his was assulted and he defended her and it went too far. he has a very sweet personality, and i do love him and want to do what i can to get to the lifetime together, but i am realistic enough to know that it would never work if one of us had to sacrifice their whole life and go someplace that makes them miserable, just to be together. a healthy relationship is based on more than loving someone. I know i would end up resenting him, and i dont want that. the same goes for him, i dont want him to resent me, because he leaves to be with me, and later regrets it. I think i just have to tell him how i feel, how much i love him and want to be with him forever, and let the cards fall where they may. i have to accept what response he gives, but i will never find out what that response will be unitl i talk to him. Wed the 28 of june is the next chance i will have to talk to him, so i will let you know how it goes. wish me luck.

[Randy]

By talking to him now, yes, you will get his feelings now. But, again, four years in a long time. If he really loves you, wants to be with you and wants to move, the two of you should probably wait just a little bit and go ahead and marry so it will be easier for him to move and be with you.

 

If you wait four years, a lot can happen. Many may say that if you or he meets someone else, that was meant to be. But I think each of us makes what is meant to be. If this guy is all you say he is, use every bit of energy to get together now.

 

I hope your talk goes well. Don't be shy. If he expresses a strong desire to be with you, don't delay working out the details.

[Taressa]

(Responding to your initial post)

 

I think you should collect your thoughts, decide just how you want to express your feelings, and then call him soon. A letter won't do because you won't be able to witness his initial response or questions. To hide your feelings would be deceptive; something a friend doesn't do. Yes, it's taking a chance but I believe you'll find him receptive.

 

Be sure it's love and not a green card that brings you together. Your feelings are too strong to settle for anything else.

 

Do be careful and make sure you're seeing him clearly. It scares me a bit that he was uncontrollable in his revenge/defense of a friend. Can he control his anger? Even the best of marriages are going to have those days...make sure your future is with a man who is in control of his emotions and fists. You sound like a well-thought woman so I suspect you've thought it through and are at peace with placing trust in him. I couldn't send my best-wishes to you, however, without at least making mention of this.

 

Send us an update after you talk tomorrow. I'll be hoping for good news.