Bob law Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 boy where to begin with the hoopla I'm about to share with all of you. So my ex and I dated for two years up until October when out of nowhere really we broke up. Now what she atested the break up to me was being too controlling or jealous or possessive. What sealed the deal was she hung out with some guy in her dorm very late when she usually stayed over my place. Now the whole trust thing came into question when in reality I didn't trust strangers I didn't know around her. And so we break up and maybe 2 weeks later she reconsiders now never since the break up till that point did we stop talking or contacting one another. Now this new kid was hovering around and my instincts told me he was into her and she would deny it all. When we "got back together" it was mostly just fighting and confusion on my end on why she broke up with me and so on. And shortly after we broke up again but it didn't really seem like we were ever back. At some point before thanksgiving she admitted to having a crush on this new kid and nothing else which made me basically say screw it and go away. So up until early December we distanced from each other but she was hellbent on being friends and would come and go. Now just when I was getting better with the whole thing after being depressed and the whole 9 she calls me saying she made a mistake and wanted to fix things but to start off as friends and ease back into it. So here I am thinking I'd never see the day and of course i was so happy and agreed. But off the bat something was off it was too slow and just not right and you guessed it she backed out again. I decided to stick around being the idiot that I am thinking it would change her mind until she started hanging out with a mutual friend a bit more often and again denying anything was going on. And so you ask where does this soap opera theme come in? Well hold onto your hats because here it goes. At the beginning of January I catch wind through a friend that she was seeing that kid who she was hanging out late with until she screwed him over. So while I kind of suspected things I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt and even as I approached her about this for the countless time she denied it. Well a few weeks ago she admitted to have been going on dates with our mutual friend and rightly so I freaked out and went off over the phone because my instincts told me something was off with whole situation. The plot continues to thicken when I tell the same person who informed me his friend was seeing her about this whole situation. So his friend comes to me because he doesn't believe it. And what he reveals to me was that they were in fact sleeping together, she showed him off to her parents, dropped the l bomb on him, while stringing me along telling me I was the problem and I caused this break up and she was scared of me or some bs. Right before she left school she ended things with him but not before bringing me back around to ease into things so at one point she was seeing both of us. She admitted he was her rebound and she treated him as an extension of me Now the kid who she began going on dates with was my last source of venting and talking because he had been in similar situations and he knew everything about the break up, the "crush" and while I asked him if anything was going on he too would deny it. So both of them her more than him had a chance to come clean countless times but would fall deeper and deeper in lies. What it all barrells down to is that she is incapable of being alone and I don't understand why I was brought back in, why this new kid isn't bothered by any of this since I told him what I learned about her crush and again my instincts tell me that they won't work out for a variety of reasons and I haven't seen the last of her. The sick part is that I miss her and love her just the same because it wasn't during our relationship but all the deception, back stabbing, lies, games, all of it is too much. Everything I feared or predicted came true. Btw she will only be 21 in April and her new bf or what have you is 25 and lives 200 miles round trip by car. I'm not a huge fan of life haha Link to post Share on other sites
Aslan Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 The sick part is that I miss her and love her just the same because it wasn't during our relationship but all the deception, back stabbing, lies, games, all of it is too much. Everything I feared or predicted came true. Btw she will only be 21 in April and her new bf or what have you is 25 and lives 200 miles round trip by car. I Wow, are we twins or something? same thing happened to me in December. Almost word by word, only difference she's 32 not 21... but same behaviour... My behaviour has been exactly the same as yours, and hasn't worked anything out, it gets worse! Not to damn sure what to do next either. maybe we can share thoughts ... jajajaja Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bob law Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 i found out she is already dropping the L bomb and it hasn't even been a month. yeesh Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 she is incapable of being alone One of the biggest and brightest red flags known to humanity! I don't understand why I was brought back in Because "she is incapable of being alone." People are objects to her. Until she is fine within herself, everyone else exists to be used as a prop for her needs. why this new kid isn't bothered by any of this He is either intentionally blind to her deal or he is an idiot. Either way, it's not your problem. Leave him to live his own life. my instincts tell me that they won't work out for a variety of reasons Not just instincts but common sense. Heck, they could get married and raise a family but any "happiness" on her part will be superficial. Until she spends the time alone (she might even need therapy) to work on herself... and I haven't seen the last of her. That is up to you. If you want walk the wise path then you will make sure that she doesn't enter your life again. When she tries again, keep NC. You probably already have a good idea of the headaches and heartaches in store for you if you choose unwisely. Are you incapable of being alone? The sick part is that I miss her and love her just the same because it wasn't during our relationship but all the deception, back stabbing, lies, games, all of it is too much. Everything I feared or predicted came true. If you care about yourself then you'll work on healing from the relationship and placing her in the "absolutely not ever" category for friendship or relationship. Like an addict to drug of choice, you can never "go there" again. I'm not a huge fan of life haha Better become a fan 'cause it's the only one you're gonna get! This woman sounds like she has some dysfunction. She is fundamentally flawed inside. Only she can fix it and then only when she decides. Her life is not your battle. She may find her knight in shining armor one day... the guy she thinks will make her internal loneliness and insecurities go away. But nobody except her can do that... she can only delude herself. Count your blessings that you aren't obligated or in any substantial way tied to her. Heal from the relationship and work diligently on finding out why you are inclined to pick a woman like this and what you can do to stop. You will continue in relationships with women like her until you identify your own issues and work on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bob law Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 that's a very interesting look at things, thanks! is it weird that me and her "rebound" are like good friends now? ie hang out, talk. Its funny how you make friends through the weirdest of times Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Outside of the controlling/jealousy thing, I think you're feeling pretty normal in this situation. You need to work on the possessiveness and trust--holding them too tight ALWAYS drives them away--as in, this will happen for the rest of your life if YOU don't change. Time to man-up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bob law Posted March 7, 2010 Author Share Posted March 7, 2010 its funny because I really didnt never trust her and she would just take advantage of the trust and proved to me shes 1000000% untrustworthy Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 The more you keep going back for her crap, the more she's going to feed you crap. Aren't you sick and tired of taking crap? If so, keep moving on. Btw, I don't know if staying friends with her original rebound is a good idea unless the two of you share many other interests beyond the drama queen. Otherwise, talking about her all the time, just keeps her on your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 that's a very interesting look at things, thanks! is it weird that me and her "rebound" are like good friends now? ie hang out, talk. Its funny how you make friends through the weirdest of times I don't think it's weird. I developed a really close friendship with a girl back in uni when we both discovered we were seeing the same guy - and we're still friends to this day. With regard to your girl, she can only string you along if you allow it. She can insist on friendship all she wants- you don't have to go along with it. Now that you know she's a cheater- she isn't worthy of your trust or friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bob law Posted March 8, 2010 Author Share Posted March 8, 2010 oh my mentality has completely changed since i originally posted. There is no way in hell i would entertain having such a miserable person in my life it'll only happen again. as for her rebound which i think is just a cop out on her end to label him that we have a lot in common and only make fun of each other for being so stupid haha Link to post Share on other sites
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