Ashkayi Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I really want to marry my fiancee. I love him more than anything. I do have cold feet though. I have a lot of reasons why I shouldnt marry him, and only a hand full as to why i should. Ill be 29 in a few days. Im ready to settle down and start living a life that I was suppose to be living years ago. I love him, but I just dont know if I can take his attitude problems and his bipolar issues. He refuses to get help for his problems and insists that he doesnt have any. His oldest son is 5 and hes showing social disorders, he is very very aggressive, and highly angry all the time, the same as his father. They come here every other weekend and it tears our household apart because noone wants to help the son or the father. And his entire family wants to look the other way as though there is nothing wrong but its obvious. He will get mad about something he dreaded up in his head and i have to tell him that hes wrong and it only makes it worse. He gets into fits of rage spending, hes very selfish, and he has a history of a temper problem which i have seen on more than one occasion, he gets mad when we dont have sex but sometimes i just cant because he has upset me previously or i just cant stand to look at him when hes going through his episodes. Its like going from angry to happy in literally 5 seconds. I dont know why im wanting to marry him, i know the love i carry in my heart for him is strong, but i have my doubts too and before I make any more preparations for this wedding I need to get my mind right and its so hard for me to do. I just dont know how to help him because talking to him is like talking to a wall... You will not get through it, and you wont get a response from it either. Link to post Share on other sites
romango Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Run for your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 It seems as if your reason for marrying him has nothing at all to do with being in love with him(although you say you are), but more to do with the fact that you're getting at that point in your life where you think you SHOULD be married. If you were 25 would you want to marry this man?? If it weren't at all for the fact that you're close to turning 30 would you still feel the same??? He's not marriage material. If you marry him you will feel nothing but regret and unhappiness. He has to help himself before he can be with anyone in a successful and happy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Ashkayi, get out before the wedding. This isn't worth it. Love isn't near enough reason to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Im ready to ... start living a life that I was suppose to be living years ago. You were supposed to be living a miserable, unhappy life with a man with attitude problems and bipolar issues, who is selfish and prone to fits of rage, who won't get professional help because he's in denial about his problems and issues, and his very, very aggressive, highly angry, social disordered 5-year old son -- you were supposed to be living that life YEARS ago? Are you sure? Cos it really doesn't sound like the life that any sane person would ever willingly and knowingly choose for herself or himself. Ashkayi, this will be a big mistake; a terribly unwise choice for you. If half of what you wrote is accurate, then you really have to reconsider your decision to go ahead with this marriage. You don't deserve the pain and heartache that you KNOW is coming. Link to post Share on other sites
LDR Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 RUN! Seriously, 29 is still young. I am 28 and not ready to get married yet. Today lots of people get married after 30. If you marry him, things will get worse and it will be harder to get out. Feel glad that you were able to see that side of him before making the mistake of getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Run for your life. ditto!!!! This has train wreck written all over it. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 I really want to marry my fiancee. I love him more than anything. I do have cold feet though. I have a lot of reasons why I shouldnt marry him, and only a hand full as to why i should. Ill be 29 in a few days. Im ready to settle down and start living a life that I was suppose to be living years ago. I love him, but I just dont know if I can take his attitude problems and his bipolar issues. He refuses to get help for his problems and insists that he doesnt have any. His oldest son is 5 and hes showing social disorders, he is very very aggressive, and highly angry all the time, the same as his father. They come here every other weekend and it tears our household apart because noone wants to help the son or the father. And his entire family wants to look the other way as though there is nothing wrong but its obvious. He will get mad about something he dreaded up in his head and i have to tell him that hes wrong and it only makes it worse. He gets into fits of rage spending, hes very selfish, and he has a history of a temper problem which i have seen on more than one occasion, he gets mad when we dont have sex but sometimes i just cant because he has upset me previously or i just cant stand to look at him when hes going through his episodes. Its like going from angry to happy in literally 5 seconds. I dont know why im wanting to marry him, i know the love i carry in my heart for him is strong, but i have my doubts too and before I make any more preparations for this wedding I need to get my mind right and its so hard for me to do. I just dont know how to help him because talking to him is like talking to a wall... You will not get through it, and you wont get a response from it either. No one is perfect and just because someone has mental health issues or illness doesn't mean you shouldn't marry them. HOWEVER, in your case; I think you need to really think about marrying this guy for the fact that he refuses to get help for his. That is an altogether different matter and living with someone who has a mental illness that is left untreated he will turn into hell one earth for you. I think deep down you know that despite being so attatched to him. I could never marry someone who had this serious of an issue but wasn't willing to get help; not because I didn't love or care for them..but because I simply cannot sign my life over to that kind of chaos or think about bringing my future children into it. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 you're not seriously considering marrying this dude, are you? Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 you're not seriously considering marrying this dude, are you? Well now there is a thread "getting married in 5 days" with the same misery. Link to post Share on other sites
Vanessa432 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Well I would want to stand out. Short dresses can be cute too Here's a nice one:Prom Dresses Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Well now there is a thread "getting married in 5 days" with the same misery. I guess we will be hearing from her after the wedding... Link to post Share on other sites
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