AHHHHHHH!!! This NC thing is driving me nuts!! I think its backfiring!! What do I do?

[Daizydukes]

I have been reading a lot on here and as everyone says.. I will try to make it as short as possible and leave the mushy gushy details out.

 

-Been going out with my ex for 5 years.

 

-She turned 22 and her parents were very strict. She moved out with 5 female roommates and two are club promoters in the LA area (Huge club scene)

 

-First 3 months she was going insane, drinking and blacking out every night, having crazy parties at her house, meeting hundreds of new friends, taking pictures with them sitting on their laps.. I was fine with it, I realized she was just going through her freedom stage.

 

-After 3 months I noticed at her parties at home she would drink until she blacked out and guys would always spend the night. The one time I did stay with her, she was first up in the morning, went to the store, and cooked EVERYONE (15 people) breakfast and she has never cooked me a meal in her life!

 

-I told her this whole getting blacked out drunk thing needs to stop. I trust her but I dont trust a house full of drunk guys. Also the last 3 months she picked her friends over me and we havent hung out, just the two of us a single time. She promised she would cut down.

 

-Still continued. I broke up with her saying I couldnt handle it for the first time in 5 years.

 

-Two days later I called her and she said she doesnt want a relationship she wants to be friends.

 

-I told her I have enough friends and I want a gf. I want to work on our relationship. She said no, she doesnt want a relationship right now. So I told her to leave me alone. Strict NC and left.

 

-Its been a month and a half and I have heard nothing from her! Mutual friends tell me in the past month and a half she made two trips to Arizona and one to Vegas with her friends and for Val's day weekend all her roommates are going to NY to party.

 

-She is living it up, I am miserable! Is this just a phase? For how long?

 

-Her fb status still says in a relationship, she still has our albums up, but she also has 500 new pictures all with random guys, holding them, hugging them, piggy back rides??

 

-What do I do??? Im going nuts!?! Did I do the right thing??? A month and a half of NC, longest in 5 years and it seems to have done the opposite. She is going insane??

[Kamille]

Let me get this straight...

 

You broke up with her because you no longer agreed to support her choices.

 

Yet, that doesn't mean you can expect her to change. What you've done is you've taken yourself out of a relationship where you were rendered powerless by your partner's actions.

 

So good for you for sticking to NC. It will get easier. Now unfriend her on facebook and stop focusing on her.

 

You're moving on.

[Angel1111]

Unfortunately, you're timing with her is way off. The two of you started dating very young (a big drawback), plus she's a product of being raised in a too-strict environment. When kids like this become adults, they tend to go crazy because everything was off-limits for them. Which only makes them want it more. Everything that her parents feared she would do, she's doing. Granted, her behavior is still over-the-top but that's how she wants to live her life and she isn't at all interested in a guy who's going to lecture her and put a damper on her life, like her parents did. I totally understand how you don't approve of what she's doing (I would've had the same reaction as you), and she's really dumb for doing what she's doing, but she has made her choice and, at the moment, she seems really happy with it. Maybe somewhere down the road she'll reunite with her brain and realize her mistakes but, until then, you have no choice but to stay out of her life.

 

NC isn't really backfiring in the sense that if you had been contacting her all this time, she would just dig her heels in even more and you would surely lose her completely. Whatever you do, do not put yourself in the same light as she views her parents. She may come back to you someday but it has to be by her own initiative.

[Simon Attwood]

I would say that your biggest mistake was in thinking that No Contact would be a successful manipulative factor in bringing her back to you. 99 times out of 100, it is rather a method of breaking up and allowing yourself to pull and protect yourself emotionally i.e. erect emotional defences.

[Daizydukes]

I would say that your biggest mistake was in thinking that No Contact would be a successful manipulative factor in bringing her back to you. 99 times out of 100, it is rather a method of breaking up and allowing yourself to pull and protect yourself emotionally i.e. erect emotional defences.

 

 

Well my reason for NC was because she wanted to be friends. After 5 years straight of a relationship I cant just be her friend? There is no way! NC was sure to get over her, to help lessen the blow.. But this is the part the confuses me...

 

 

How does someone that is so attached to me 6 months before, literally wake up one morning and at the flip of a switch say.. hey, I dont need you in my life anymore? Literally 6 months ago if my phone died at work and I came home, she would be crying saying where have you been? I was so worried! I cant sleep without talking to you before I go to bed. And the few times I was out of town, she would write me e-mails in the middle of the night saying out she couldnt sleep and how she missed me so much.

 

Dont get me wrong, I wasnt controlling by any means. Hence why I didnt say anything to her for the first 3 months. But like I said, what gets me is that it seems it was like the flip of a switch. I figured it may be the support of her new roommates who seem to all be single but one.

[nobmagnet]

It sounds like she needs to do this. You did the right thing as I dont know who on this planet could cope with that kind of behaviour. Please try not to wait for her to change back overnight because so many years of strict upbringing and being free she has a lot of catching up to do.

 

Nc is the way to go for yourself. Delete her from facebook ect dont hurt yourself anymore. As hard as it is we all respect you patience with her and you did the right thing

 

 

nobby xx

[Silver_star]

She is young and clearly not in the right place mentally to be in a relationship. It is time to move on to better things.

[DenverBachelor]

First 3 months she was going insane, drinking and blacking out every night, having crazy parties at her house, meeting hundreds of new friends, taking pictures with them sitting on their laps.

 

Does this image represent someone who you'd be proud of as a mother of your future children? No, she made a deal with the devil and thankfully you weren't in it.

 

Let the tramp go.

[Perhaps]

Does this image represent someone who you'd be proud of as a mother of your future children? No, she made a deal with the devil and thankfully you weren't in it.

 

Let the tramp go.

 

Amen, brother.

 

Listen to DB - he's right. You guys were in a five year relationship so it's a given you had future plans and for her to just chuck them out to go wild is plain stupid - regardless of how strict her family was.

 

She clearly missed the fine line between freedom and crazyness (for the lack of a better term).

 

She wants to tramp it out? let her. Move on - you'll thank yourself that you did.

 

Girls like that deserve no respect IMO.

Edited February 4, 2010 by Perhaps

[bluestraps]

Hard to say . I had a plan for my breakup and so far its worked. My ex is not a slut but this girl may be . It doesnt look good for you and her , with her past with you she is unreliable. Just move on. Or facebook yourself and message her and see whats up.

[capulsky]

well it sounds like a situation that ive heard plenty of times.....you need to let her go...dont constantly be looking at her facebook to see what she has been up too....thats just as bad as breaking nc.....so really you havn't been nc for as long as you think because you have been seeing what she has been up to through her pictures....my advice would be to stay away from facebook...if you ever do talk to her dont talk about how your feeling or ask her in detail about what has been going on with her....keep the conversation short and simple and dont let her know that seeing her pics on facebook is driving you crazy.....i know its hard situation but do your best to keep truckin with your life...and do what you can to make yourself a better person