tigereyes1428 Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 i am so confused - i am pregnant again (have 3 kids already) he does not want the baby - i am not sure what i want - just dont want to be forced into termination - how can i work this out? Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 No one can force you into anything. You just need to accept that he's probably not going to be the father you want. It's up to you to decide if you want to raise a 4th child alone. What sort of protection were you using that failed? Link to post Share on other sites
Maxxx Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Sorry to hear that While I would not be thrilled with child #4 coming I would not "force" you to do something and no one should........ I can't belive ANY father would not want the child no matter what number it is..... And yes as was stated before me might I ask what protection was being used? Link to post Share on other sites
Ashkayi Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 I agree with Maxxx.. Things happen, Life happens, and we have children at times that we may not be ready for, but he needs to accept that this is his child, and there is no difference between the other three and this one and there should be no reason why this child shouldnt be allowed to grow up with their brothers and sisters.... I would have this child and if he doesnt want to continue his roll then i would seek counseling, because my children come first before any man. But if it is too much for you to bare, there is always adoption. I dont agree with abortion/terminations.. I believe that people have children because thats the order of things and how they are suppose to happen. They are gifts Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 I suppose the only question that matters is whether you can cope or not. Hope you have people in real life to lean on right now. Your personal story is your personal story.. think hard whether you want this baby or not. Then get yourself a mirena coil girl.. its rare that those fail! I would also say that its time to spend some time with yourself (not being patronising here) but thinking about another post you have made recently, this picking the wrong man thing has to stop! Btw, I met a lady recently with 6 children who owns a really nice cafe/restaurant. Three of those children were had by the time she was 18. The way they all help out is fab and the place is brimming with business because it is so obvious that they are GREAT people with GREAT food. I dont know what support she has had but .. shes done it... and done it pretty bloody well too. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigereyes1428 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Share Posted February 5, 2010 thanks everyone for replying - we had already split for other reasons as my previous posts - then we were really trying to make it work ( have not slept together since before xmas) and i noticed some familiar symptoms did a test to rule it out and was shocked to the core when it was positive - i am on the pill have never missed a day and take it at same time every day even though its not the type of pill that you need to take at same time for it too work. have spoken to my doctor and what we think has happened is that in Dec i had severe tummy bug for 2 days and could not keep water down, she says i may have not ingested it - although i avoided sex for over a week afterwards (as i was ILL) then it can mess your protection up for the whole month. i feel so bloody irresponsible i genuinely did not think that this was possible. we have spoke about nothing else for days now and he has many reasons for not wanting to carry on with this. 1, i had severe problems with my pelvis during last pregnancy and could only walk with crutches. he is terrified i do permanent damage 2 he is afraid that our attention will be diluted on the children i have already 3 money - he would like to be in a better financial position 4 we are just starting to get back on track and he feels the pressure is too much and he does not want to split us up there are many more and i get and agree with him but its a baby and i love it already - is this selfish? i dont know whose interests to look out for anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 His concerns seem rational and worthy of noting. The reality that is being dodged though is you. You deserve at this time to have his support come what may. Your birth control is not the issue. NOt even sure why folks ask that after the fact. It doesn't change the reality nor is it anyones' business. THat is between you and a medical staff member. The physical bearing of children can wreck havoc on your body-and emotional peace. I presume you've had a prenatal done to see what risks there are involved. I advocate that its a personal choice and one to be regarded when a person is challeged with keeping the pregnancy , terminating it or carrying it to term to release for adoption. There is no shame in any of those choices. They are what they are...choices and a personal one. It takes time and understanding for a man, a lady on the other hand *knows* in heart that its life changing decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 i am so confused - i am pregnant again (have 3 kids already) he does not want the baby - i am not sure what i want - just dont want to be forced into termination - how can i work this out? Do NOT let anyone force you into a termination. This is your decesion.. as you are the one carrying that child. How about some counseling for the tow of you? I feel for you. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Try to not focus so much on his reluctance or desire to not have this baby. You said yourself that you are at this time, also uncertain. Just don't make it all about HIS feelings on this because it will keep you from focusing on your own thought about it. Do YOU think, with everything else going on, that another baby is a good addition to the mix? Think about it as though he isn't even going to be around because it sounds like that is a possibility. So do YOU want baby #4? I hope everything works out for the best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I'm truly sorry for what you're going through, and I'm afraid I can't help on that, except wish you all the best, and that you will decide what you really want. I really hope I'm not thread-jacking, though, but I'd like to point out here that the pill really is not as failsafe as drug reps like to make it up to be. YES, with perfect use it is 99%, 98% safe. But perfect use is almost impossible to achieve. It does not just entail taking the pill at the same time each day - it's much more than that. It's not taking any other medicines, OR food, that affect its absorption or elimination - and lots do, more than we know. It's not vomiting, or having diarrhea, or anything of the sort... which the OP was unfortunate enough to have. So to anyone out there, please don't believe the pill is failproof, you'll be sorely disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigereyes1428 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Share Posted February 10, 2010 quick update - been to docs today - had scan which makes it more real - healthy baby 7 weeks - has body and limbs 2cm long with perfect heartbeat... doctor has explained that because i was only 2 days into new pill pack then its possible to not actually ovulate til after your pill free week which means avoiding sex the days you were ill is not preventative at all - your not safe for that whole month basically. . . seeing a counsellor soon - but i know i want my baby - i love it already Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Legally, no one can force you to terminate a pregnancy. That is not an issue. You just need to decide what makes sense for you and your existing children. This is not 1865. You have options. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 ignore this post. i'm posting to thwart the spammer bot by hiding his thread from public view. mods can delete this once they've taken care of the spammer. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 thanks everyone for replying - we had already split for other reasons as my previous posts - then we were really trying to make it work ( have not slept together since before xmas) and i noticed some familiar symptoms did a test to rule it out and was shocked to the core when it was positive - i am on the pill have never missed a day and take it at same time every day even though its not the type of pill that you need to take at same time for it too work. have spoken to my doctor and what we think has happened is that in Dec i had severe tummy bug for 2 days and could not keep water down, she says i may have not ingested it - although i avoided sex for over a week afterwards (as i was ILL) then it can mess your protection up for the whole month. i feel so bloody irresponsible i genuinely did not think that this was possible. we have spoke about nothing else for days now and he has many reasons for not wanting to carry on with this. 1, i had severe problems with my pelvis during last pregnancy and could only walk with crutches. he is terrified i do permanent damage 2 he is afraid that our attention will be diluted on the children i have already 3 money - he would like to be in a better financial position 4 we are just starting to get back on track and he feels the pressure is too much and he does not want to split us up there are many more and i get and agree with him but its a baby and i love it already - is this selfish? i dont know whose interests to look out for anymore. While these are valid issues, you would still have these issues whether you had one baby, or 10 babies. You need to do what is right for you. Once you terminate, you can't take it back. Make sure you will be ok with your decision for the rest of your life. Make the decision for you, not your SO, as you are the one who will have to live with your decision. If you terminate and then regret it, you will resent your SO forever. So if you do decide to terminate, do it for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I'm not going to address whether you have the baby or not. This is purely your choice. But freedom of choice also includes a combination of logic and emotion. Don't just make an emotional decision, since children are for the rest of BOTH your lives. As for birthcontrol, it's not bullet-proof. I also got pregnant, while on the birthcontrol known as the patch. But I will say that if H. and I were concerned about not getting pregnant, we would have included birthcontrol on his side, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Already have three children in a relationship that is on the rocks. How does a fourth child help anything? It certainly won`t improve your relationship with him nor will it improve the lives of the three children you have now. Emotions ALWAYS screw us. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Aside from the fact that his sperm fertilized the egg - if he doesn't want the baby, It is of no importance, what he wants. And you are probably tired by now ... But, regardless: The baby comes From God through the woman .. The baby is a human with the heart cell attached from time of conception .. Although it may seem like a lot right now, bringing a fourth baby into the world - I think you should definitely follow through and have your baby .. You will never regret you had this child, but you would regret if you didn't carry the baby to term.. Men may come and go, but when you reach the end of your life, you will always be greatful for your children .. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 thanks everyone for replying - we had already he has many reasons for not wanting to carry on with this. 1, i had severe problems with my pelvis during last pregnancy and could only walk with crutches. he is terrified i do permanent damage 2 he is afraid that our attention will be diluted on the children i have already 3 money - he would like to be in a better financial position 4 we are just starting to get back on track and he feels the pressure is too much and he does not want to split us up there are many more and i get and agree with him but its a baby and i love it already - is this selfish? i dont know whose interests to look out for anymore. ------------------ Easier said than done... But Trust God .. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 quick update - been to docs today - had . - but i know i want my baby - i love it already ------------------------- I thank you and Your Baby thanks You ... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 ------------------ Easier said than done... But Trust God ..God will not take care of her family and babies. God will not feed, clothe and love them. God will not make her relationship any better. If God really was paying attention, she wouldn't now be pregnant with an unwanted child. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 God will not take care of her family and babies. God will not feed, clothe and love them. God will not make her relationship any better. If God really was paying attention, she wouldn't now be pregnant with an unwanted child. -------------------- The Baby is All that matters .. Not man's idea of who should breathing the air - and who shouldn't ... Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 t there are many more and i get and agree with him but its a baby and i love it already - is this selfish? i dont know whose interests to look out for anymore. It is selfish, because you know youre in control of whether or not you will have this baby. You already have 3, cant you throw some more love their way? I sense that you want something new in your life and youre basing this decision on only emotion and nothing else. You SO has very good reasons to not go though with this. Love your other 3 children. Dont risk putting a strain on your household and relationship just because you want to love something new. It is very selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 God will not take care of her family and babies. God will not feed, clothe and love them. God will not make her relationship any better. If God really was paying attention, she wouldn't now be pregnant with an unwanted child. Who do you think gave you life? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 ----------------------- The Baby is Here (conceived) ... Abortion (baby killing) is an abomination.. Allowed by the govt .. and the country will judged and held accountable for it .. We do not kill or throw away innocent lives! No wonder there is so much disregard for life .. incl child abuse / murder etc etc .. JFTR, since abortion was legalized in 1973, the last stat I read was in 1987, child abuse had risen 400%. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 ------------------------- I thank you and Your Baby thanks You ... Me too....."Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you", from "God" Link to post Share on other sites
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