Ronni_W Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Then where are the women on here who are with kind and loving men who are actually happy and attracted to them and are not ready to leave? I keep asking for it but nobody ever seems to show me any evidence. Woggle, You're not basing your entire system of beliefs about love and relationships on the postings of LoveShack...are you? If you are, does that really seem like a sane and reasonable thing to do? In my case, I have refused to respond to this question of yours because it is none of your business...or any other LoveShack member's. I have talked a bit about my relationship in various threads, and that is all I am prepared to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 6, 2010 Author Share Posted February 6, 2010 LS is pretty much a icrocosm of male/female relationships but even offline I see many things. I listen to women brag about their affairs with no remorse whatsoever everyday right in front of me so how am I supposed to be positive about women? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 LS is pretty much a icrocosm of male/female relationships but even offline I see many things. I listen to women brag about their affairs with no remorse whatsoever everyday right in front of me so how am I supposed to be positive about women? Still only one percent. How many people on the planet? How many people on LS? Still small percentage. Stories on LS where we get to hear an honest account of both sides of the story? So far? Zero. So we're back to only situations you have personal, up close, half informed knowledge of? Tiny fraction of even the people who reside in your state. Leaving us with only YOUR personal relationship experience: One mother One wife Wow! Where is your evidence again? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 I listen to women brag about their affairs with no remorse whatsoever everyday right in front of me Yes, yes...you mentioned that already. And I asked, "What if THOSE women are the 'exception'?" I'm sorry, Wogs, but I find any notion that "LoveShack imitates Life" to be wholly ludicrous. That just makes me laugh and laugh. (Er...sorry, Tony!) You've heard it said that our minds are always in process of accumulating ONLY the "evidence" that supports the beliefs we already hold, have you? To grow and expand, we need to take charge of that automatic process. But ONLY if we're interested in growing and expanding. To me, it is delightful that your mind has opened a sliver so that you can look at your wife in a different way. It also indicates, to me, that your mind is ready to expand itself, get rid of some of the stuff that is there due to defective inputs, and replace it with something more inspirational and uplifting that you'll be able to share with your wife. I get that you're not willing to let that happen gracefully...cling away, my good man. Cling away. You have the perfect right to do your life and relationships however you deem fit, noble and reasonable. Best to you and your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 (Bit of trivia for a Saturday morning : That's a thought, not a feeling. If it was a feeling, we'd be able to insert one of the words "glad, bad, sad, mad or scared" after the word "feel"...and the sentence would still make sense. ) Wogs, NOBODY wants to think that their beliefs are wrong.That is, in my opinion and experience, a HUGE part of where relationships go sideways. EVERYBODY wants to just cling to their same-old crap, no matter how much crap it is. That's what I meant: people intensely loathe examining and updating their core beliefs about themselves, others, Life, Love and the Universe in general. Nobody wants to consider that their habitual ways of thinking about and doing life and relationships *may* be based on seriously defective inputs. Your current beliefs are only "right" for you; they are your personal truths not The One And Only Truth. You do have the absolute right to have them. [so] I don't get why you'd want or need to "be in denial" about them. I am not arguing that you believe what you believe. But, if everything points to your current belief that your current beliefs are 100% accurate and flaw-free...then you would not need any "exceptions". You are relying on "exceptions" to help keep your beliefs afloat, and "exceptions" are necessarily going to enable you to say that your beliefs are 100% accurate and flaw-free. THAT is part of the conundrum. But. What if your need for an "exception" is actually the opening and invitation for you to explore your own beliefs further? Just "what if?" And an irrational thought, causes an irrational feeling = irrational beliefs. I learned that in my psych class Btw, keep up the good work Woggle! Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Woggle has never read anything I've posted then. I love my husband. Enough to deal with some of his insecurities, his avoidance issues, and other problems. He loves me enough to deal with my issues. I have friends who are in similar situations. Its not a perfect but perfect would be boring. But as many women you see having affairs, seems like more BWs here then BHs. I know more men who have had affairs then women. I know more crappy husbands then crappy wives. But I don't rail about how all men shouldn't be trusted and are evil etc. Every person is different every situation is unique. CCL Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Then where are the women on here who are with kind and loving men who are actually happy and attracted to them and are not ready to leave? I keep asking for it but nobody ever seems to show me any evidence. No, many of us are right here, we speak up constantly and tell you how happy and in love we are but you shut us down and refuse to believe us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 6, 2010 Author Share Posted February 6, 2010 Most of you are newlyweds. Not trying to be nasty but let's see where you are in seven years. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Woggle has never read anything I've posted then. Woggle is very selective with what he reads, and what posts he replies to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Woggle is very selective with what he reads, and what posts he replies to. I don't ignore but all the women who post on here claiming to be happy in their marriages tend to be newlyweds. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I don't ignore but all the women who post on here claiming to be happy in their marriages tend to be newlyweds. 15 years and happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 15 years and happy I wont get into your marriage history because it might get me banned but let's just say it proves my point. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I wont get into your marriage history because it might get me banned but let's just say it proves my point. It's alright Woggle. I just said to Wuggle that you would have a go at me. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Its 13 years this year. 14 next month that we have been together. That's not a new marriage in anyone's book. We have also survived deployments, a new born with birth defects and the trama that brings including a medical evac to the states for treatment, family issues, lack of sex, and an infidelity (not me though you seem to think all women are unfaithful). Even during the worse - no it wasn't the infidelity - we loved each other. That's what got us through it, along with a desire to try and work it out. CCL Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Woggle, What did you mean by "you're ready to open up to your wife"? Have you been married a long time? Why haven't you opened up before? Just curious, as you seem very in love and happy:o Have you been scared to open up because of your past relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Woggle, What did you mean by "you're ready to open up to your wife"? Have you been married a long time? Why haven't you opened up before? Just curious, as you seem very in love and happy:o Have you been scared to open up because of your past relationship? It's very hard for me to trust a woman and I am finally figuring out that my wife is one of the few that are worth trusting. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Most of you are newlyweds. Not trying to be nasty but let's see where you are in seven years. I was already at 6 years before getting married. I spent 8 years married to a selfish drunk. No that wasn't a happy marriage but I still tried to make it work because the initial love was real. At least on my end. Oftentimes you just don't know what you're talking about and it is very insulting. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 To me it seems that many women would consider that boring and complain about the lack of passion. The last person they want that with is their husband or boyfriend. a woman in a healthy, loving relationship lives for those so-called "boring" moments because she understands those moments are the bedrock of a relationship. The wining and dining and travel and gifts are nice, but those are just things meant to appease her because he's not interested in giving himself. you honestly want to be in a happy relationship with your wife? Give her a good 20-30 minutes of your undivided time every day, and talk with her, be with her ... not *doing* something, but giving your presence. Those are the moments we want, not grand gestures or arguments or "look what I've done for YOU." The guy who understands this is the one who ends up with gold. This is so true. I remember as a child waking up hearing my mom and dad laughing in the kitchen while having their coffee. This was their time. I love being locked in on a rainy or snowy day with my husband. It's bliss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 I was already at 6 years before getting married. I spent 8 years married to a selfish drunk. No that wasn't a happy marriage but I still tried to make it work because the initial love was real. At least on my end. Oftentimes you just don't know what you're talking about and it is very insulting. If we are still posting on here seven years from now and you are still happy with and attracted to your current husband I will eat my words. Women get even more bored and restless with men that treat them well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 This is so true. I remember as a child waking up hearing my mom and dad laughing in the kitchen while having their coffee. This was their time. I love being locked in on a rainy or snowy day with my husband. It's bliss. Most women would force him to lock himself in a room while she enjoys the day on her own or she would force him out to go buy food in the snow. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 You really do ignore what doesn't fit your little imagine....poor little Woggle. Like a kid with fingers in his ears going "I can't hear you" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 You really do ignore what doesn't fit your little imagine....poor little Woggle. Like a kid with fingers in his ears going "I can't hear you" I don't. In another thread a poster admitted that most of her married friends are miserable and I have heard several women say this. I hear many times how miserable being married makes women but when I use this as a reason for men not to marry because their wives will always resent them then I am the bad guy. It's like women can't stand a man looking out for his own interests, Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 If we are still posting on here seven years from now and you are still happy with and attracted to your current husband I will eat my words. Women get even more bored and restless with men that treat them well. Suddenly now the seven years you originally stated has become 14 years? Why? Because I already put in time before getting married? This is just more of your refusal to listen. How many years have you been married and referring to your "one of the good ones" wife as "in house sex"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Suddenly now the seven years you originally stated has become 14 years? Why? Because I already put in time before getting married? This is just more of your refusal to listen. How many years have you been married and referring to your "one of the good ones" wife as "in house sex"? You just married him so the seven year clock starts now. The in house sex and the help with the bills sure is a plus but our marriage is much deeper than that. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 You just married him so the seven year clock starts now. The in house sex and the help with the bills sure is a plus but our marriage is much deeper than that. Yes we are all up against woggle's irrational timeline and attention to quantity. What about quality? You don't even think of it. You wife has had to prove herself for how many years now? That isn't love. I'm glad to have someone who isn't worried about my integrity. We just finished day two of no heat in the house and only intermittent power. No fights either. Lots of boardgames and hanging out. And no one getting locked in rooms. I think I'll keep my 6 years and ignore your timeline. Link to post Share on other sites
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