Why do I like falling off the radar?

[robaday]

Hi,

 

All my life I have ran away from attention, I have always been embarrassed by praise, and the idea of living with my girlfriend in the same room for more than a week is absolutely terrifying.

 

I get uncomfortable NOT talking. I cannot sit still around people. I used to drive my old housemates round the bend by getting up repeatedly and not being able to sit with them for more than an hour-my parents are exactly the same-my Dad paces back and forwards, my mother cleans, cooks does anything but actually sit down and talk face to face.

 

But this is a paradox, because I realize to some extent I crave attention, but do not know what to do when I get it-once I get it the shame and embarrasment come back.

 

When I was about 7 I remember punching myself in the eyes to get a black eye for attention. I have screwed up chances with so many women because once I realize they like me I run-the intial attraction is great, but my "self taught" knowledge tells me they won't like the real me, and then I always think there's better options out there if she actually likes me.

 

I like my own space. I enjoy disappearing away from phones and the internet and people, and on my own, I am happy just reading, or writing.

 

But this introverted nature has a real very real darkside. It is no coincidence, at my most depressed I wanted to disappear, "escape" where no-one would know me, so I could deal with my own ****. But in those occasions it was suicidal ideation that was my version of disappearing-the anxiety was so overwhelming I wanted to escape from my body.

 

So I guess what I'm asking is I know I'm introverted and that is my nature, but is there something wrong with me wanting to disappear for a week at a time? Will I ever be able to be around people for more than one night out without it seeming uncomfortable? How do I overcome the feeling of being smothered?

[Ronni_W]

How do I overcome the feeling of being smothered?

You can't, really, "overcome the feeling" -- you need to make decisions that will not put you in the position of being able to be smothered in the first place; new/different choices than you have (obviously) been making.

 

Take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions; and do not assume responsibility for those things in others. When you do that, you'll almost 'automatically' start setting more appropriate personal boundaries.

 

Realize that when you do feel smothered, it is the natural consequence of one or more decisions/choices that YOU made at some point prior to noticing that you're feeling smothered.

 

If you are not prepared to live your own values and principles, and you are not committed to your own dreams, needs, desires and goals, and you choose to not stand up and speak out for your own values, dreams, needs and goals...then you are necessarily going to feel smothered half the time, and abandoned the other 50%.