So far, so good.......Kinda

[HurtinginVA]

2004.

 

New year, hopefully off to a new start. Me and hubby had a great time New Year's Eve and I have to admit that overall, things have been really really good the past few days. I am optomistic that things will work out for the best, for both of us. Though there are a few things still bothering me. Comments really, that he makes here and there, and I cant tell if he's trying to imply something or is he just trying to be funny?

 

For example: Last night, watching tv, xbox commercial comes on. The one where the one guy is getting married and all of his buddies look depressed. Then they show how you can play together, live, without being in the same place and the guy who is married, his nickname on the game screen is "whipped". Hubby started laughing and says something like "yeah, I guess that's how it is when you get married" and Im like ????? he says"things just change, when you committ yourself to someone like that, everything changes"

 

I just let it go. Is there a hidden meaning there? Little comments like that aside, things are going well......OOPS......there WAS a little fight NYE....*sigh* how Id like to forget.

 

Ok, scenario ~ OW lives in Richmond(area code 804) NYE he had to work 20mins north of Richmond. He gets home. Goes to take a shower. I look at his cell. There was a number with 804 area code called at 11:30am. I went upstairs and asked him "who's number is that?" He tells me it was a pretext call(claimant) then gets mad. Says things like" 'go ahead and call it if you want, you can even use your phone, ask for Lucy, ask for whoever, I dont care, you dont believe me anyway" I said that I did believe him, I just wanted to ask, he says "if you believed me you wouldnt have to ask, you shouldnt be going through my phone to snoop like that, but I wouldnt believe me either, so if you want, call, there's nothing I can do to stop you, Ive already told you that I WILL NOT call her or anyone else, I knew this was going to happen if I had to work up north, guess there's nothing I can do about it though, this will all just take time, and all I can do is tell you to call and check for yourself, I dont want to talk about it anymore, believe me or call, whichever you want"

 

I didnt call. Felt kinda bad. What do you guys think?

[Kat]

I would have called and asked for lucy

[moimeme]

I think that you two need to rebuild trust. It means that he has to behave in a trustworthy fashion and you have to start trusting him. If he thinks you distrust him, eventually he'll decide it's not worth being honest if he's still not believed.

[bark]

Post-affair reconstructions are not seamlessly progressive. Sometimes it will be 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

 

As for the cell phone number, I suspect, given his response, t was a client call. I would, however, privately call the number later to confirm it's not the "other woman's" number.

 

As for the "whipped" crack, I'd ignore it unless it becomes a theme, which sometimes happens. No one, even cheaters, likes being perceived as all bad, so this may be his passive aggressive way of playing the victim. It's pretty weak, I know, especially after what he put you through.

 

My recommendation is to stay alert for any resurgence but do not get in his face about it unless you have overwhelming evidence of another affair.

 

You must protect yourself without making him feel "whipped" or persecuted. It's a fine line you must walk.

 

Good luck.

[lostforwords]

You are in the hardest position right now and that is to regain your trust for him. Its gonna take a long time..... unless your able to put everything thats happened to you in the past which is damn near impossible. Id say go to counselling and work on overcoming all the hurt you have gone through first. Youd be fooling yourself if you think you can trust someone if you dont resolve all the hurt he put you through. Sometimes it just feels better to talk to someone about it professionally.... see if he would be willing to go with you.... otherwise trust me when i say youll always be suspicious.... youll always have the urge to check if hes lying to you or not.... youll go through feelings of guiltyness etc.... its a cycle that takes a very long time to end.

[krissiekay]

I would like some advice on handling my situation. I found out in Jan. that my husband had been cheating on me for 8 mos. we've been married 19 yrs. This is the third time. but it has been a very long time since the second one happened. We've had incredible stress in our lives the past few years because of taking care of my grandparents,both were seriously ill. My grandfather passed away 2 yrs. ago and my grandmother ended up living with us until she died 3 days before Christmas. My husband's mother also passed away during this time two months before my grandmother. we also have 4 children ages 18,10,6,19mos. He has a good job but it is not a very demanding job. until recently i worked in a hospital in a field with longer hours that is much more physically demanding and stressful than his job.

 

all during the time he was cheating i didn't have a clue. the one sign i had i blew off as did he when he explained it to me. two months later i get a call from his girlfriends husband telling me about their affair. he didn't deny it this time. he first said that it was all because of stress at home that he did this. later he told me when we were arguing that he wished we hadn't had so many kids and that it was my fault that i got pregnant four times.

 

we decided to stay together to try to work this out, but i'm wondering if i didn't make a mistake by staying. he get's so frustrated and aggravated with our kids. he says he loves them but this is very hard for me to accept because i know he wishes we hadn't had them all. i have told him that i love our kids and they are a source of joy for me. i told him that i also had been under enormous stress but chose to find strength in my family not in a stranger. i told him if he could not find a way to be better with our kids i think he should leave.