Anyone dating a controlling person?

[Trusting_again]

What sort of situations would you define as controlling in your relationship? I am beginning to think my bf has control issues. I just want to see if others experience this or if I am being too critical of his motives.

[Pyro]

I did years ago and it was a painful learning experience.

 

She wouldn't let me be friends with any of my friends of the opposite sex. In fact she made me call them and tell them that I am done being friends with them.

 

Anything that was considered nice on me clothes wise she wouldn't let me wear unless she was with me.

 

I could never go anywhere without her.

 

It was a very painful learning experience, but I am glad I went through it, and I am very fortunate that all my friends who I burned bridges with eventually forgave me.

[Trusting_again]

That sounds beyond controlling and right into possessive. As for friends of the opposite sex...that depends on the nature of the friendship..

 

In my situation it seems that any of my ideas or projects are shot down and twisted to his liking. If I stand my ground then I am on my own, he will not be involved unless I do it his way. It can be anything from painting a room in the house to a exercise regimen.

 

When I bring up any ideas he takes over and will hardly let me get a word in edgewise. I have to boldly tell him to listen to me. I hope something changes because it really gets on my nerves. I don't mind getting input but my goodness, he monopolizes the whole thing.

[Pyro]

That sounds beyond controlling and right into possessive. As for friends of the opposite sex...that depends on the nature of the friendship..

 

In my situation it seems that any of my ideas or projects are shot down and twisted to his liking. If I stand my ground then I am on my own, he will not be involved unless I do it his way. It can be anything from painting a room in the house to a exercise regimen.

 

When I bring up any ideas he takes over and will hardly let me get a word in edgewise. I have to boldly tell him to listen to me. I hope something changes because it really gets on my nerves. I don't mind getting input but my goodness, he monopolizes the whole thing.

 

Just friends. I am talking HS friend whom I have no romantic connection. She met them and always had problems with other females. A jealousy thing.

 

Always has to have things his way type? My moms husband is that way. The stubborn type. Have you expressed to him these feelings you are sharing here?

[Angel1111]

I was married to a guy who was controlling and it killed our marriage. He had this 'my way or the highway' attitude and it positively made me nuts. My sister referred to him as a 'benevolent manipulator' because he always made things look like he meant to be nice, but his whole motivation was to do get a person to do things his way. He once admitted that he and his brother both were very skilled at arguing with a person to the point that they would wear them down. Once our son was born, he really turned up the heat. Nowdays, he tries to control our son who's now a teen in college. He was sending money to him each month for college but there were so many strings attached to that money, his son finally told him to keep his money, he didn't need the headaches. I've been divorced from him for 16 yrs and over that amount of time, he has only gotten worse. If your bf is controlling, be very thoughtful about this before you get any more involved. They don't change, and they get worse once you marry them.

[bigcsw]

One of the key things I'd watch out for is how he reacts to your friends. If he starts having problems with you going out with them or is trying to get between you and them you have a guy with a problem.

[Trusting_again]

I was married to a guy who was controlling and it killed our marriage. He had this 'my way or the highway' attitude and it positively made me nuts. My sister referred to him as a 'benevolent manipulator' because he always made things look like he meant to be nice, but his whole motivation was to do get a person to do things his way. He once admitted that he and his brother both were very skilled at arguing with a person to the point that they would wear them down. Once our son was born, he really turned up the heat. Nowdays, he tries to control our son who's now a teen in college. He was sending money to him each month for college but there were so many strings attached to that money, his son finally told him to keep his money, he didn't need the headaches. I've been divorced from him for 16 yrs and over that amount of time, he has only gotten worse. If your bf is controlling, be very thoughtful about this before you get any more involved. They don't change, and they get worse once you marry them.

 

This sounds like my ex husband. I got so sick of feeling like his child or his employee that I finally left. He will give his all to anyone, but with his wife and kids there are conditions. My kids are older now too, and I've noticed how they will avoid asking him for anything at all costs. I remember feeling that way in the marriage. No good deed was unconditional. Maybe that is why I am sensitive to the control thing. I will not go through that again.

[Trusting_again]

One of the key things I'd watch out for is how he reacts to your friends. If he starts having problems with you going out with them or is trying to get between you and them you have a guy with a problem.

 

He is good around my friends. So far no problems there.

[Trusting_again]

Just friends. I am talking HS friend whom I have no romantic connection. She met them and always had problems with other females. A jealousy thing.

 

Always has to have things his way type? My moms husband is that way. The stubborn type. Have you expressed to him these feelings you are sharing here?

 

Yeah, that is possessive that she would have issues with a friend whom you have never had a romantic interest in or given her any reason to doubt that. Good thing you got out when you did...

[TaraMaiden]

No, I'm not dating a controlling person. He told me to say that.....

 

Just kidding....!

 

 

Trusting_again, given that you used to be married to a man with control issues (and you naturally want to avoid falling into the same pattern) could you give us some examples of why you feel your current SO might have control issues?

[Angel1111]

In my situation it seems that any of my ideas or projects are shot down and twisted to his liking. If I stand my ground then I am on my own, he will not be involved unless I do it his way. It can be anything from painting a room in the house to a exercise regimen.

 

When I bring up any ideas he takes over and will hardly let me get a word in edgewise. I have to boldly tell him to listen to me. I hope something changes because it really gets on my nerves. I don't mind getting input but my goodness, he monopolizes the whole thing.

 

These are red flags. Don't let yourself get back into another marriage like this.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I was in a controlling relationship for 2 years. I wasn't allowed to go out with my girl firends. My clothes has to be a certain style to be acceptable to his mother. I had to ask permission for EVERYTHING. It really scarred me emotionally. When we broke up and I was back in the dating world, i thought all men were like this. When I met my husband and he said why dont you go to (fill in the blank), I was floored. I look back and ask myself why I stayed so long and the cliche love is blind comes to mind. You never think your in an unhealthy relationship when your in it. But if you cannot be yourself than it is a bad situation and you need to get the hell outta there. It's tough, but remember, you lived just fine before you met this person, you'll be fine after. If you have never done anything for him not to trust you, thats a HUGE red flag that he is controlling and you better get out before it's to late and you marry him.