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A twisted triangle


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Hello, wasn't quite sure where to put this so here it is in the general section.

 

My partner and I met 3 years ago, both in our 40's both with children from past relationships. We are very happy and are engaged to be married. Finally got it right..

 

My partner however has an ex-girlfriend (not his ex-wife) who just will not get out of his life and get on with her own. I am not sure what to think and he is at a loss as to what to do. So I am throwing this out into cyber space to see what others will make of it.

 

My partner was with this woman for only 12 months (most of which they cohabited) and ended his relationship with this woman 4 years ago due to her temper (which I believe is very wild). She absolutely refused to seek help ie: anger management and the problem just escalated to the point where he could take no more. He felt his children were being compromised by being exposed to her outbursts which included out of control rages and physical violence.

 

When this woman found out that he had met me, she became very upset and told him she was really very hurt. She then proceeded to date the man who lived next door to my partner and then dated a guy who lived just down the road from my partner. He had to drive by this house every day on his way to and from work. As she had moved a considerable distance away from him when they separated (30km) it was rather coincidental that she managed to find men within such close range to my partner. I saw these dalliances with these men as an attempt to try and make my partner jealous.

 

A little while after this, she told my partner that she was pregnant to one of these men and needed my partners help with regard to finding somewhere to have the pregnancy terminated etc.

 

Not long after the pregnancy fiasco she told my partner that she had to go away for 2 weeks with a guy she had met. She dropped her cat off at his house. We know that she did not in fact go anywhere at all.

 

She turned up to places and events where she knew he/we would be. If I was present she would do things like intercept him on his way to the toilet etc. She would never come near me or acknowledge me in any way.

 

She sent multiple texts and was always calling him on his mobile when she knew he would be at work. She would never call or text when she knew he would be home or when I would be around.

 

He told her on numerous occasions to stop texting and to stop calling. He hung up on her a number of times.

 

Other things have happened over the years and space or time does not really permit me to include everything in this post. However, the major concern now is that this woman has positioned herself well and truly within the lives of one of his daughters. My partner is currently at odds with this daughter and for good reason. This ex is fueling this daughter with her own anger. I believe that the daughter is using the ex to hurt her father and the ex is using the daughter to try and get back at him. Problem is the daughter is only 16 and is so mixed up, hurt and angry that she can't really see the destruction and can't see how she is being used.

 

How on earth does one deal with this kind of thing?? Will this woman ever get on with her own life?? Why on earth is it so important to her to continue with this rubbish??

 

I am now fully aware and accepting of the fact that she likely never got over the termination of the relationship with my partner but what is it that causes people like this to not move on?? I guess I just don't understand what she would be getting out of it. For my partner however it is so difficult because this ex of his encourages his daughter to remain alienated and encourages the conflict.

 

Is this situation familiar to anyone out there?

 

Dropbear

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My heart goes out to you in this situation. I can only slightly sympathize with what is going on in your life. I have a similar situation.

 

My ex husband and I separated because I no longer wanted to remain there and felt it was time for me to move on with my life for the sake of myself and my children. I met a man, and he too was coming out of a very hostile marriage. Well he had two children, much younger than in your situation. I too have two children. Well she would force him to go to their home they shared to see his children. Told him he had to wait at least a year before I even was allowed to meet them. She would accuse him of child abuse and physical abuse. He does have a extreme temper but I do feel as though a lot of him, aside the mental issues I believe he has, came from the ex wife and their hostile marriage. She even went as far as sleeping with my ex husband to hurt her ex and myself. I wasn't affected by it, but my fiance was. He said he only tried to make things work with her, he tried to be a good dad for his children, but he wouldnt always have to leave because she would scream and fight with him in front of them. I dont believe they were both innocent of it because as I said before he has a manipulative way about him and a bad temper. Finally he started getting his children but he wouldnt bring them around me, he would instead take them to his parents and spend the weekends that he had them, there. I was hurt by this, and then one day she went to his mothers to pick up a few boxes from their old house and he rode down the way with her to make sure she got the boxes and didnt tear up the house because she had already strolled trash all over the yard, left it a complete mess. He didnt tell me about it, instead she called my ex husband, and had him to call me at my place of work, and tell me about it. I was enraged because he didnt tell me, but that she had told my ex that my fiancee would cut his throat if she allowed my ex around his children and she would help him press charges and would testify against her ex. She had already told him I couldnt be around his children, but she was taking them around my ex husband. So the games ensued and finally after a while we bought a house and he was bringing them to our home. That lasted drama free for 6 months and she then tried to say he beat his oldest son which is 5 and took out a restraining order against him. She sat it up through the judge that she would have to be around whenever we were to see the kids. It was miserable, she started talking to me the first day telling me how she suffered so much with him, etc etc etc. Then as she seen that I wasnt trying to hear her or speak to her, she stopped letting us see them and we have now got it worked out to where his parents can supervise because she is still pursuing action against him. Its a constant fight with her all the time. I dont know what it is, other than the fact that she is very unattractive, she has completely let herself go, and I however take good care of my house, my children, my lifestyle, my body and my fiance. I believe a lot of his ways are due to the fact that we are always going through something with her, lawyer fees, etc. Its hard and I hope that soon your situation can be improved, as do my own.

God bless.

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