pissed off as time goes on after the break-up; and timing of getting stuff back...

[mandarincool]

first i was waiting for him to call because he abruptly broke up with me after a four month relationship, in the midst of a severely depressed mood. i thought he'd call and come around when his mood improved, as we'd gotten so close and i just assumed he'd dumped in a fit of despair and would wake up.

 

now, nearly four weeks later- not a peep out of him. now, i'm pissed-off enough that i really wouldn't want to give it another go, if he dids come back asking to.

 

now i just want my goddam stuff back. it's not a lot of stuff, just one sentimentally infused article of clothing. he can keep the toiletries and hair-dryer, which incidentally freaked him out, a la Mr. Big of Sex in the City (if you watch that fluff, and yes, I do). i guess the weird blow-dryer behavior, when he supposedly was so into me should have been a red flag.

 

uggh, anyway, my question is, how to get my stuff w/o giving the impression that i'm reaching out, and w/o being too much of a bitch, though that's how i feel... since i know he is not really a bad person, just a depressed and limited man- he has had this pattern forever and now at 36 said he was "really ready to try and work on a relationship" when he met me. i guess that backfired, huh?

 

for the record, i have been in longterm relationships and lived with people. and i'm kicking myself now for wasting precious time and loving feelings on someone who can't or won't stick with it past the fun beginning part, who can't or won't do "the work".

[Cpunch75]

why waste your time chasing him and your stuff, you gave it to him, so is he going to care about giving it back? obviously not. If it was so sentimential in the first place why did you even give it to him ??

 

Scrap the guy, esteem yourself higher than this piece of crap. Perhaps your stuff may help him realize what a great person he lost *you* and when he bumps into you at the starbucks with your new boyfriend he will barely recognize you and you will laugh and think to yourself: "my god what did I ever see in him!"

 

Move on girl:) your stuff, is for the "idiot guy i went out with" donation.

C

[gwennebe]

I would either send a friend to get it or just let him keep it and suffer having girly stuff in his bathroom. That way he'll look like an idiot when he has friends over.

[NatoPMT]

its your stuff, get it back i say - text/mail him and ask him to post it to you/drop it at a mutual friends/leave it in your porch (do all americans have porches? even in NYC? prob not but dont shatter my illusions) so you dont have to see him, you dont want to be speaking to him just yet (if at all) - hes got problems and you dont need dragging further into the doom laden pit hes nested himself into so nicely.

 

and nothings a waste of time, it may feel like that but you have experience from knowing him, grim as it may be.

[befuddled11]

Unless an ex has some kind of majorly valuable goods, it's just not worth it to want to get your stuff back. In fact, it only looks like you're trying to maintain contact with them....which just makes them feel good, and you look desperate and "unable to let go and move on."

 

My mindset now on "stuff" I may have left at an ex's is this.......let 'em have it. When they look at it or come across it, let it be a nice reminder to them of what a f*ck-up they were and how they let a good one get away!

[mandarincool]

it's nice to hear various opinions on the subject...

 

i think i'll just wait a few more weeks, until it's really clear to both parties that i've "moved on". then i'll send a brief, simple email with a request for the one item, which i really want back. he can keep the hairdryer and girlie products!

 

p.s. we don't have porches in nyc, as a general rule... but i can suggest he post the item, to avoid the appearance that i'm hoping to meet in person.

 

[Arabess]

Send him an email letting him know what time you are coming by to pick up your stuff. Show up with a "rent a date" or a male friend..... and act all happy and lovey to your 'new guy'.......hahahahaha!

[mandarincool]

OUCH! dunno if i can be that mean...