Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 He might be in denial right now but prepare yourself he might change his mind and what nothing to do with you. Definitely prepared for that. I expected that actually. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I don't mean that the W is burying her head in the sand regarding the baby, but about his 20+ affairs in the past she's been confronted with.. agree though, who knows what she's thinking. 20+ affairs..seriously eww:sick:. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Knowing him as well as I do, I'd say he thinks this might be a way to hang onto the marriage... I agree it does say a lot about his character. I don't mean that the W is burying her head in the sand regarding the baby, but about his 20+ affairs in the past she's been confronted with.. agree though, who knows what she's thinking. Thank you for clarifying. If he is a serial cheater and the W knows this about him, then that is a bit different then this being the first time. Maybe she has made her peace with his behavior, who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Thank you for clarifying. If he is a serial cheater and the W knows this about him, then that is a bit different then this being the first time. Maybe she has made her peace with his behavior, who knows. Yeah there are lots of issues there.. reasons she may stay.. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 His calm demeanor is because he already "suspected" and has probably prepared himself for this reality. I will say he may be a little bit in shock, but not denial. He already knew the answer to his own questions about why you strayed. He knows that the marriage has been less than stellar. You may also want to inquire if he has had anyone else too. Don't put it past him. He may not have, but he was also a participant in this marriage that had little to no intimacy. Just like you, he probably was lonely too. I would be prepared for anger between 3 to 6 months. The rollercoaster from hell has just left the gate. Buckle up..the ride is going to be nothing nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 His calm demeanor is because he already "suspected" and has probably prepared himself for this reality. I will say he may be a little bit in shock, but not denial. He already knew the answer to his own questions about why you strayed. He knows that the marriage has been less than stellar. You may also want to inquire if he has had anyone else too. Don't put it past him. He may not have, but he was also a participant in this marriage that had little to no intimacy. Just like you, he probably was lonely too. I would be prepared for anger between 3 to 6 months. The rollercoaster from hell has just left the gate. Buckle up..the ride is going to be nothing nice. When I asked him to come to the east coast, he said that he had already anticipated that this is what I would be telling him. I did ask him if he'd done anything with anyone and he said "no, but it doesn't mean I will be perfect forever either." Link to post Share on other sites
Disintegration Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 So do you think he will pay you back and have a revenge affair? He might do that to feel better and not have any regrets because you essentially did that. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 When I asked him to come to the east coast, he said that he had already anticipated that this is what I would be telling him. I did ask him if he'd done anything with anyone and he said "no, but it doesn't mean I will be perfect forever either." Maybe just a response to how he feels now in the scope of things. You have a lot of work to do and so does he if this is going to work. However this response right now says he doesn't see a promising future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 So do you think he will pay you back and have a revenge affair? He might do that to feel better and not have any regrets because you essentially did that. I don't.. I know that many of you have said that he's probably doing that too and didn't believe that he hadn't already had his own affair, but he's truly not got that in him in my opinion.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Maybe just a response to how he feels now in the scope of things. You have a lot of work to do and so does he if this is going to work. However this response right now says he doesn't see a promising future. I think he sees a more promising future than I do.. he's reminding me he's in love with me.. I haven't told him anything I don't mean so I dont reciprocate those words when I don't feel them. Not a very healthy relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpmale003 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I have to lose is being alone during the process.. if above one is the only reason...hire some body to look after you during the process you obviously do not love/respect him, then why stay married at all....i would say file Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I think he sees a more promising future than I do.. he's reminding me he's in love with me.. I haven't told him anything I don't mean so I dont reciprocate those words when I don't feel them. Not a very healthy relationship.. Good to be honest, however right now it appears you are playing poker with a fixed deck. He is at a disadvantage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 if above one is the only reason...hire some body to look after you during the process you obviously do not love/respect him, then why stay married at all....i would say file I hear you. Thinking that's the best route too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Good to be honest, however right now it appears you are playing poker with a fixed deck. He is at a disadvantage. Definitely. I don't like it either. In some sense I was relieved when I saw his reaction.. in another sense, I was more panicked than ever that this would prolong the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpmale003 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I hear you. Thinking that's the best route too. do you work in marketing/HR....???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 do you work in marketing/HR....???? Nope.. why do you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
scorpmale003 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 people i know just respond like you are from those 2 fked up deptmts Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 people i know just respond like you are from those 2 fked up deptmts Ugh. Nope not me.. Link to post Share on other sites
tigereyes1428 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 gosh its funny how different people are - your H sounds like a wonderful man - my partner father to my 10 month old baby has left cos i refused to abort the baby i am carrying for him. I have bent over backwards to make this man happy and try build a happy future together and I am devastated. Who knows what the future holds for you and your baby - but if your not in love with him then you should let him go find someone who is and will love him the way he deserves to be loved. I hope that you have a happy healthy pregnancy and experience the joys that motherhood has given me. x Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 When I asked him to come to the east coast, he said that he had already anticipated that this is what I would be telling him. I did ask him if he'd done anything with anyone and he said "no, but it doesn't mean I will be perfect forever either." I told you that he would stay. It's all about his comfort zone and the lifestyle you provide him. I still maintain that he's the father of your child, too. I think MM is too old to conceive children. However, the above statement that your husband made would seriously piss me off. The biggest reason your marriage is in the shape it's in is because he isn't interested in sex. And now he has the nerve to say that he isn't perfect, that might cheat??? This is a truly crappy and ridulous thing to say to a wife who would like more closeness but can't get it. Unbeleeeeevable. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 So do you think he will pay you back and have a revenge affair? He might do that to feel better and not have any regrets because you essentially did that. Why would he have a revenge affair? Does everyone here understand that this guy has basically emotionally abandoned his wife? He should be apologizing for being such a jackass and admit that he is just as accountable as she is. He has even indicated to her before that he was fine with it if she had an affair, he just didn't want to know about it. He's just having a fun time living off her huge salary and acting like a bachelor. And that's fine if they're both agreeable to it, but he already knew that she was cheating or was going to cheat. He basically gave her the go-ahead. He has no reason whatsoever to do anything for revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 gosh its funny how different people are - your H sounds like a wonderful man.... He may be a wonderful man, but he's a lousy husband. Link to post Share on other sites
tigereyes1428 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 gosh i forgot about that - i am biased just now as i have just been dumped, i forgot about the start of the thread sorry x Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 While I believe that there is never an excuse to cheat on anyone, her husbands demeanor toward his marriage is a chilling shade of grey. Not a pass to cheat or even have revenge. Even he admits to his lack of marital co-existence. Not a good recipe for a successful marriage at all. He has as much enthusiasm about his marriage as a snail on xanax. Admitting his love, but is not proactive thereof. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Admitting his love, but is not proactive thereof. What he's in love with is called 'money'. Again, all that's fine if they're both agreeable to the situation. If not, then it's time to do something about it. Whatever the case, he has no right to make the idiotic statement he made. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts