Author girlintwocities Posted February 6, 2010 Author Share Posted February 6, 2010 and don't forget to mention my name hehe scorpmale Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 Been following your thread, I admire the fact that you feel remorse and are now seeing the MM for who and what he is. I also admire your courage to tell your husband the truth. He deserves that at the least. It will be much better for you in the long run that you confessed. I would wager your husband has suspicions, but has dismissed them or knows, but is either turning a blind eye or waiting for you to tell him the truth. He may not have a clue, but again it takes courage to confess something of so much devastation and destruction. He will be crushed, hurt, destroyed, but he will also give you credit for confessing. Finding out any other way but by you would definitely be far more crushing and would paint you in an even darker light. It is good to see that there is still compassion, remorse and honesty left in people. It was wrong what you did..you know this, you may never be able to make it right again, but at least you try. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 6, 2010 Author Share Posted February 6, 2010 Been following your thread, I admire the fact that you feel remorse and are now seeing the MM for who and what he is. I also admire your courage to tell your husband the truth. He deserves that at the least. It will be much better for you in the long run that you confessed. I would wager your husband has suspicions, but has dismissed them or knows, but is either turning a blind eye or waiting for you to tell him the truth. He may not have a clue, but again it takes courage to confess something of so much devastation and destruction. He will be crushed, hurt, destroyed, but he will also give you credit for confessing. Finding out any other way but by you would definitely be far more crushing and would paint you in an even darker light. It is good to see that there is still compassion, remorse and honesty left in people. It was wrong what you did..you know this, you may never be able to make it right again, but at least you try. SoulStorm it is interesting that you mention this. My good friend has been telling me tonight that my husband "suspects" something is up but doesnt want to confront it because he knows "he is to blame too". That broke my heart - he is not to blame for my indiscretions. We are both to blame for screwing up our marriage so early on. I will be telling him on Wednesday of this week and will see what happens. In the meantime, I kicked MM out tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 6, 2010 Author Share Posted February 6, 2010 It was wrong what you did..you know this, you may never be able to make it right again, but at least you try. I so hope this part is not true, but only time will tell.. Link to post Share on other sites
Passion4Life Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I will let him know that... good advice. girlintwocities , I think u r really cool & genuinly witty. best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 SoulStorm it is interesting that you mention this. My good friend has been telling me tonight that my husband "suspects" something is up but doesnt want to confront it because he knows "he is to blame too". That broke my heart - he is not to blame for my indiscretions. We are both to blame for screwing up our marriage so early on. I will be telling him on Wednesday of this week and will see what happens. In the meantime, I kicked MM out tonight. Very good. You still have been in contact with him? He is playing you. plain and simple. You are smarter than that. Kudos for kicking him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Disintegration Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I will be telling him on Wednesday of this week and will see what happens. In the meantime, I kicked MM out tonight. You are headed in the right direction! I know it's going to be a long few days for you, but you confessing is the right thing to do. I wish you luck, it's not going to be easy, but considering the circumstances you already know this. Glad to hear you kicked out the MM, does he plan on confessing to his W as well? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I am confused....do you live with the MM? And why are you waiting until Wednesday to talk to your H? And why on earth are you still talking to the MM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 girlintwocities , I think u r really cool & genuinly witty. best of luck Thanks, we will see what my husband thinks of me.. Ive been preparing him for the trip by phone and email a bit.. that we need to have a serious conversation and so on. I let two of my friends (pregnant family with a baby) live in my home in California right now because they are down on their luck with the economy, and having no privacy there I don't think it is smart to have the conversation in our home.. so Im bringing him to my place in NY for the conversation so we can have privacy.. and if he needs to throw things he won't be wacking a 2 year old by accident.. *sigh* ah what a mess I made. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 You are headed in the right direction! I know it's going to be a long few days for you, but you confessing is the right thing to do. I wish you luck, it's not going to be easy, but considering the circumstances you already know this. Glad to hear you kicked out the MM, does he plan on confessing to his W as well? Gooood question. Knowing him I doubt it. He has asked if he can call me later so he can tell me what "he's going to do on his end" so Ill know more later tonight.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 I am confused....do you live with the MM? And why are you waiting until Wednesday to talk to your H? And why on earth are you still talking to the MM? I dont live with the MM.. though we do travel together often in the same place. Im currently out of the country and my H is at home in California, and I don't feel it's the type of thing I should discuss on the phone..? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Are you still seeing the MM face to face or was this done over the phone? He is playing you still. The odds of him confessing is about as good as anyone finding DB Cooper Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Hello Hester Prynne. (please take that as a well-meaning joke. And I have you beat - 4 degrees here). I haven't read all the replies, because I just don't feel like it. And I'll make this short n sweet. God bless you for having this baby. The angels are rejoicing in heaven for both of you (and go ahead and flame me, "pro-choicers," cuz I really don't give a flying f()ck what you say). The MM won't leave his wife, and he doesn't want to be part of this baby's life. That's ok, you shouldn't try to force him. You must tell your husband the truth. You have a chance now to build a real life with truth, honor, and honesty - go and do it by laying the foundation NOW. This means telling your husband, divorcing him, and raising your child - in other words, you made a mistake, now make it better by taking responsibility - and I mean REAL RESPONSIBILITY for your life and the life of your child. Don't tell the other guy's wife - that's his responsibility. And if he's not part of the child's life, I urge you not to go after him for money, or "support." F()ck societal conventions on this point (they're f()cked up anyway), do the right thing, and take responsibility. And don't go after your husband for alimony. Let him get on with his life. He's not the one who got pregnant. So where does that leave you? It leaves you as an adult with a child. Take responsibility to MAKE THIS WORK. Indeed, you f()cked up, here's your chance to fix it. GO AND MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE WITH YOUR CHILD. YOU CAN DO IT. In case you haven't noticed, I'm big on taking responsibility, and I know that's not popular in our candy-coated blame-others wah-wah woe-is-me society. TOO BAD. FIND A WAY TO MAKE THIS WORK. God will richly bless you for your choice. And if you have to, you can always make a living with embroidery (that's another Scarlet Letter joke). God bless you and your child. Hi Cobalt... I'd never ask my H for any financial anything. Most likely I will be helping support him. Im the breadwinner in the home. What are your thoughts if my H wants to stay in the picture? Honestly knowing him, 5% chance of it being his may be enough for him to want to stay. Thanks for the blessings. We will need all we can get.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Are you still seeing the MM face to face or was this done over the phone? He is playing you still. The odds of him confessing is about as good as anyone finding DB Cooper Sorry didnt mean to duck.. no no no this is all by phone with the MM. I seriously doubt he will confess too, and have no idea what it is he intends on saying tonight. Probably more BS about how he will "tell his W in a couple of weeks" or something else to try to string me along. That's all he's done for our entire relationship is make up lies to string me along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Very good. You still have been in contact with him? He is playing you. plain and simple. You are smarter than that. Kudos for kicking him out. By phone since I kicked him out. He's not "wanting to lose me". He should have thought about that a year ago.. He is absolutely going to try to play me tonight, but I am a bit smarter than I was 6 months ago. Actually I wouldn't go that far. I'd say my gut has always known he was full of it, but now .. while my own self esteem and my M should have been good enough motivation before it obviously wasn't.. but now there is another person in this picture .. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Sorry didnt mean to duck.. no no no this is all by phone with the MM. I seriously doubt he will confess too, and have no idea what it is he intends on saying tonight. Probably more BS about how he will "tell his W in a couple of weeks" or something else to try to string me along. That's all he's done for our entire relationship is make up lies to string me along. I agree. if you have boots put them on and make sure they are thigh high. The BS is going to be deep. He will tell you anything now to try to get you back in the sack again. ETA..No apology needed for the unintentional ducking Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 I agree. if you have boots put them on and make sure they are thigh high. The BS is going to be deep. He will tell you anything now to try to get you back in the sack again. ETA..No apology needed for the unintentional ducking I dont know why he's freak about losing the relationship.. sex wasnt a big part of it anyway. the friendship was the biggest part .. losing this relationship just makes his M life a whole lot easier. No more juggling or lies which he said stressed him out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 which one was wrong then, your initial posts, where you said you left your H to be with MM and you 2 live together....or this one...one of it must be wrong...???? When I said live together I mean when we are on the road we stay in the same place.. He also stays at my home in the East Coast.. but he still has a house with his W. We live in the same place probably 2 weeks out of the month. My H and I talked about divorce many times but neither of us filed. We handled it by pushing me onto the road again on a very regular basis.. not exactly the healthiest way.. maybe the state of denial is where I should be moving to... Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 i like your confidence...based on 5% chance of baby being his and you being the breadwinner is the perfect opportunity for the exploitation... best of luck...is he(h) living on your money...????? No no no no no.. I do not want to exploit him. No way. I'd pay him to have the life he wants actually. He makes a decent salary but he covers about 15% of our expenses (maybe). If he wants out he can just tell me what he needs to live and I will pay it. I do not want him to say for money. Too many people do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 your words.... " was married (separated now) to my husband in Cali - who does not know about a sexual affair with my MM but he does know I am in love with someone. I left my husband (and we are friends) because I didn't want to live in a lie." "Feb or so of this year, I moved into a new apartment in the city and began living there really full time. My MM moved into the place with me, but had to "go to his wife" a few times for various reasons. " MM was there with me in the city about half the year in early 2009 (more than half actually) and in late 2009 about 2 weeks out of the month.. my H and I are separated, physically but not legally. He does know I've been in love with MM for over a year. We are good friends and we both agreed that is "all we have been" since just shortly after we married. I told him I was in love with someone else .. I left out the sexual relationship part. (at my H's request, he said he didn't want to know). I did move into my apartment and began living there full time.. (for example, I left in early December to my apartment and haven't returned to California since).. but the MM wasn't always with me. Some times he's with his W and other times he's traveling by himself.. make any sense? When he does go home to his W its usually for 2-3 weeks at a time.. and often because she's telling him they aren't spending enough time together. He hasn't told her anything though and has denied all of her accusations.. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 MM was there with me in the city about half the year in early 2009 (more than half actually) and in late 2009 about 2 weeks out of the month.. my H and I are separated, physically but not legally. He does know I've been in love with MM for over a year. We are good friends and we both agreed that is "all we have been" since just shortly after we married. I told him I was in love with someone else .. I left out the sexual relationship part. (at my H's request, he said he didn't want to know). I did move into my apartment and began living there full time.. (for example, I left in early December to my apartment and haven't returned to California since).. but the MM wasn't always with me. Some times he's with his W and other times he's traveling by himself.. make any sense? When he does go home to his W its usually for 2-3 weeks at a time.. and often because she's telling him they aren't spending enough time together. He hasn't told her anything though and has denied all of her accusations Just reading that makes my skin crawl. I always find it hard to believe that we as humans can justify doing such atrocities. I am not saying you are justifying anything..just pointing out that we can convince ourselves to do heinous things..even though we know they are wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Just reading that makes my skin crawl. I always find it hard to believe that we as humans can justify doing such atrocities. I am not saying you are justifying anything..just pointing out that we can convince ourselves to do heinous things..even though we know they are wrong. That is absolutely true. I convinced myself it was okay because my husband was disinterested in sex, we didn't have a connection, you name it. Nothing is sufficient to break the vows I took. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I realize many of you will want to give me a lesson in morality and ethics and while I will read and listen what I really need is some candid solid advice from other women (or men) who have been in a similar situation. I don't know what the heck to do and have about 48 hours to figure it out before I head back "home" from a business trip. you have the baby, make MM pay child support, and let your husband decide a course of action for himself, whether he wants to stay or whether he wants to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlintwocities Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 you have the baby, make MM pay child support, and let your husband decide a course of action for himself, whether he wants to stay or whether he wants to leave. That's the plan right now.. the only thing Im not sure about is MM and child support.. or MM and nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Passion4Life Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 That's the plan right now.. the only thing Im not sure about is MM and child support.. or MM and nothing. just try to choose the option where it is least complicated . Link to post Share on other sites
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