Family Hate Boyfriend

[Happydays04]

Hi,

I’ll give a bit of background before I get into my problem.

I’ve been with a guy for just over a year now. I’m 26 and he is 24. We clicked right away and everything was going great. 5 months together and I found out I was pregnant and he was really fantastic. He did everything for me and was so supportive. He was really excited about the baby. I lost the baby at 11 weeks and we were both gutted, he lost his job at the same time and he got really stressed and we ended up splitting up. We had been living together so I moved out. We were back together 2 weeks later. Did not move back in together and decided to take things slow. He was still very down about losing his job and the baby and he could not find work anywhere so it lasted 2 months and he broke it off again. Again we both cried, He said he still loved me but that he felt that he could not give me what I deserved. He blamed himself for losing the baby as he had already lost a baby 3 years before hand and took it very badly. We stayed in contact and on New years eve we decided to give it another go taking things at snail pace. He had also been taking steps to deal with depression while we were apart and is making progress. He wants to avoid anitdepressants if possible. He has been job hunting everyday and is really trying to turn things around. He went a bit off the rails when we broke up the second time and was drinking a lot for a few weeks but that has stopped and he is really trying. He did get caught for drink driving while we were broken up. It was his first time driving while under the influence and he got caught which serves him right. He totally regrets doing it as he hates it also but nevertheless he was stupid enough to do it. It is his first time in trouble with the police.

 

My problem is that my parents, who are truly great people, hate him. They never really liked him to begin with because of the way he dresses and his general appearance. They had no other reason not to like him. Well now they absolutely hate him because he broke up with me and I was so upset. I don’t blame them for this and I understand that they do not want anything to do with him. They do tend to judge people on appearance and I’m not like that at all, I prefer to get to know someone. They have an idea in their heads of the type of person I should be with, but my vision is totally different to theirs. Now they have said that if I choose to see him they will have nothing more to do with either of us ever again. I love my parents so much but I’m 26 and I do value their advice but I do not think it should be forced upon me. I do not want to choose between my family and my partner and I have told them this but they say I have to. I feel like I’m being controlled. Am I selfish? Maybe I am and maybe I am making a mistake with him. Is it not mine to make?? Anyone have any words of wisdom to shed on this.

[Sweetcheripie]

As a parent you want the absolute best for your kids. It is really hard to let them make their own mistakes. Your parents are wrong to say they will have nothing to do with you. That sounds very controlling. Was it said in a rash moment or do you think they will actually keep to those words?

 

My son is only 18 but he is very serious about a girl that I really do not like. She is very pretty and I'm sure his attraction is mostly physical because personality wise she is the polar opposite of him. My son and I are very close. I am really proud of him but about a year ago we had a big blow up because he was turning down meeting with college recruiters because he didn't want to move away from his girl. It was making me sick that he was turning away opportunities. Well, I said some things I shouldn't have said. It has taken a year for us to actually talk about her and for him to really open up to me again. We both apologized immediately but the words were still there. I realized that if God forbid this relationship actually lasted that I was going to kiss this girlies behind so I would be able to be close to my grandkids when the time came.

 

So take the time to talk with your parents. Lay it out like you did here that you are taking the time with your boyfriend, you realize he has made some mistakes but you want to work on the relationship. Let your parents know how important they are to you and you really would like them to take the time to get to know him. If they still push you away then you will have to make a decision. Hopefully they will get over their stubbornness and although they may never like him they will tolerate him and be there for you.

 

Now the rest of the story....I bent over backwards to make my son's girlfriend comfortable. We really went all out when he came home for Christmas break to make her feel welcome. She was a pill but my son still adores her. She broke up with him. She is still in High school he is in college. She has been dating the big basketball stud in H.S. She waited till my son was home from school last week to get his Wisdom teeth out - while he was drugged up laying on my couch she told him she was seeing someone else.

 

So parents are not always right about who is right for their children but most of the time we do see things that you might not. Ask their opinion. See if they are just being shallow or maybe they do see something in this guy that they just don't think is good for you.