Sex Without Emotion for Women - Is it possible?

[EricaH329]

Heh, thanks...! I'm still in Florida...car is even worse off now and in the shop down here...and the snow kind of put a damper on flying back home...hope you had yourself a splendid weekend snowed in...?

 

/end threadjack.

 

Oh my goodness!! You are still in Florida?! I thought you came back already! Now is definitely not the time, you would have a miserable time trying to drive through the 3 feet of snow that we got!

 

I wish I was in Florida! I'm so jealous!

[Woggle]

I admire the fact that you would not consider these females as 'sluts'.

 

However, just because they enjoy casual sex does not mean they are not relationship material.

 

What if every woman decided that if a man wanted to have casual sex, or have in the past, means that they are not relationship quality?

 

Do you know how many men would not be in relationships?

 

Double standards are not acceptable these days.

 

If a man wants good relationship material he should pick a woman that is good at relationships right? I view women like this as types who are not interested in commiting to any man which is okay but makes them not good for anything serious or women who can't love which also disqualifies them. Women like this just do not value real love and commitment. A man should have fun with them but never marry them.

 

Yes it is a double standard but women have plenty of double standards in their favor.

[USMCHokie]

Oh my goodness!! You are still in Florida?! I thought you came back already! Now is definitely not the time, you would have a miserable time trying to drive through the 3 feet of snow that we got!

 

I wish I was in Florida! I'm so jealous!

 

 

Yea, the car got exponentially worse earlier this past week, to the point where it had to be pushed off the road and towed to the shop...so it looks like I'll be here for a little while longer...and it's supposed to snow again Tuesday...

 

I hate my life...

[carhill]

Of course everyones experience is going to be different. But to categorize females into one such category is very judgemental.

 

For example, I could say that every male is not only capable of cheating but are most likely to do so.

 

But, I treat every man I come across as an individual.

 

For me to act as though every man is the same is absolutely rediculous!!

Are you talking to me? Have you read any of my posts in this thread? I'd suggest doing so first, lest I change my tone a bit. Words to the wise

[EricaH329]

If a man wants good relationship material he should pick a woman that is good at relationships right? I view women like this as types who are not interested in commiting to any man which is okay but makes them not good for anything serious or women who can't love which also disqualifies them. Women like this just do not value real love and commitment. A man should have fun with them but never marry them.

 

Yes it is a double standard but women have plenty of double standards in their favor.

 

I do clearly remember you commenting on a thread of mine that was regarding my personal beliefs.

 

I absolutely love to take care of my man. As i'm sure you know already, since you've read my past thread.

 

Just because I have had casual sex in my past, should not disregard the fact that I am an exceptional girlfriend.

 

I do not cheat. I never will. And just because I have had sexual needs in the past should not exclude me from being someone that should be taken seriously.

[Woggle]

I do clearly remember you commenting on a thread of mine that was regarding my personal beliefs.

 

I absolutely love to take care of my man. As i'm sure you know already, since you've read my past thread.

 

Just because I have had casual sex in my past, should not disregard the fact that I am an exceptional girlfriend.

 

I do not cheat. I never will. And just because I have had sexual needs in the past should not exclude me from being someone that should be taken seriously.

 

This thread it's like you are a completely different person.

[EricaH329]

Yea, the car got exponentially worse earlier this past week, to the point where it had to be pushed off the road and towed to the shop...so it looks like I'll be here for a little while longer...and it's supposed to snow again Tuesday...

 

I hate my life...

 

Ahhh, you do not hate your life. It is unbecoming of a gentleman, remember?!

 

Are you talking to me? Have you read any of my posts in this thread? I'd suggest doing so first, lest I change my tone a bit. Words to the wise

 

Noooo, you are an amazing person Carhill!! I am simply responding to a post that you made. And it's not only that post, but all of the other posts in general.

 

Please do not take it personally.

[EricaH329]

This thread it's like you are a completely different person.

 

How so??

[bac]

From my experience sex without emotions is possible with the men who have no potential for females' fantasies about attachment/love.

I do not mean that sex with these guys is enjoyable. But, I would say that sex with them is better than nothing.

For example, they are guys who you totally dislike;

guys who are totally out of your league;

guys who are your ONSs on your short trip to Europe;

guys who are in love with you or your best friends, but you are not into them at all;

guys who are much younger (20 yrs) then you;

and other types of hopeless guys who can not be taken seriously.

 

I guess a woman can partly enjoy sex with them on the first times because of a sense of doing a new person. IMO, she can do them several times even it feels like vomiting, but then she can not help dropping them.

[carhill]

I am simply responding to a post that you made. And it's not only that post, but all of the other posts in general.

 

Please do not take it personally.

 

OK, it's like this....if you saw those 'words' I posted prior, they came from two women I loved, one of whom I married, both of whom had high numbers and casual sex backgrounds. Even with the painful results, I'm still here learning and not denigrating women. The post you responded to was my assertion of that learning process and thanking you and the other ladies for sharing your experiences. You'll note, at no time in the thread, did I 'talk down' to any woman who participates in and enjoys casual sex. Good on ya! I want to understand what went wrong with the compatibility issues with the two who were in my life. This thread has helped. Hope that clarifies things from this end. I've supported women and their issues for longer than you've been alive, so when women start browbeating me as a 'typical' male, you bet I take it personally, and I can, with pleasure, give it right back, and do so in real life.

[EricaH329]

OK, it's like this....if you saw those 'words' I posted prior, they came from two women I loved, one of whom I married, both of whom had high numbers and casual sex backgrounds. Even with the painful results, I'm still here learning and not denigrating women. The post you responded to was my assertion of that learning process and thanking you and the other ladies for sharing your experiences. You'll note, at no time in the thread, did I 'talk down' to any woman who participates in and enjoys casual sex. Good on ya! I want to understand what went wrong with the compatibility issues with the two who were in my life. This thread has helped. Hope that clarifies things from this end. I've supported women and their issues for longer than you've been alive, so when women start browbeating me as a 'typical' male, you bet I take it personally, and I can, with pleasure, give it right back, and do so in real life.

 

I am extremely sorry if I came across as anything but honest. From your previous posts (and not only in this thread) I know that you are a great male capable of a lot more than you have been given in life.

 

I, unfortunately, have not had the time to check out your previous threads regarding the situation you are in. I would, however, love to hear about it from your personal point of view, and if you would like, you can PM me.

 

Again, I am very sorry.

[Stockalone]

probably the reason why some women who have casual sex don't reveal all about their sexual past is that they're labelled sluts by people like you.

 

Are you serious? To say that women like my ex are justified to lie about her past because of people like me is only enabling that behaviour of entitlement. Everything else under the sun can apparently be an acceptable reason for not wanting to date someone, but god forbid someone has an issue with another person's sexual history.

 

I don't have casual sex and I want to date women who feel the same way about casual sex. I don't want or need details, just a simple yes or no. A "none of your business" is also a perfectly acceptable answer. There is no reason to lie about it though, that's selfish and manipulative. Women like my ex who used to have casual sex and hide/deny that when asked, are untrustworthy sluts.

 

I don't have similar issues with women who have casual sex and don't hide that. Granted, I don't want to date them, but I would expect that they don't want to date me either. To know this sooner rather than later is a good thing for both of us.

[carhill]

Erica, no worries. I'm trying to be more clear and less emotional.

 

Here's the post I'm referring to, in this thread. My stbx did not cheat on anyone; that was another person. For reference, stbx's 'number's were an order of magnitude beyond mine (e.g. 10x). As I will inevitably run into such situations again, I think the topic here is a good one, being able to see through the numbers to the gist of what makes the person compatible or not.

 

I won't speak for all men, or even a few, since perhaps I'm wired differently, but I think one valid fear I would have now, knowing more, is that a woman with a casual sex 'switch' can, as CarrieT so eloquently pointed out, command not only men but hot men at the snap of the finger; it is and would be easy and effortless, even as a knee-jerk emotional response, to vacate the sanctity of the marriage or committed relationship even for the briefest, yet most damaging of moments. Comparitively, if you agree with her and my assessment, it is much harder for a man, even if so inclined, under the same circumstances, to vacate his committment and fidelity. IMO, when men use derogatory words towards women with high numbers or a casual sex mindset, they are speaking to that fear, whether consciously or not. Is it a valid and healthy fear? I don't know...

 

Certain facts, combined with great information and insight gained from LS, have caused me to re-think a number of issues and events within my marriage and I'm taking that information and using it to better my people-picker for the future. Thanks for your help in that regard.

 

OK, it appears the cat has had his casual sex for the evening and is now laying on me, so perhaps Marlena is onto something

[tami-chan]

sex without involving emotions? Gosh, wish I can do that, I think I will sooo rock the house! LOL...But I can't ...I have to be emotionally vested in the other person to do it.....am I boring or what?

[Match Factor]

I don't have casual sex and I want to date women who feel the same way about casual sex. I don't want or need details, just a simple yes or no. A "none of your business" is also a perfectly acceptable answer. There is no reason to lie about it though, that's selfish and manipulative. Women like my ex who used to have casual sex and hide/deny that when asked, are untrustworthy sluts. .

 

Wow.... I really have a problem with this term. It is an insult used to describe a woman who has slept with "too many people". The amount of "too many people" is a subjective call. Your EX is definitely a liar and maybe even a unfeeling bitch (these terms are universally understood) but to say she is a slut for lying seems disingenuous and a blatant misuse of a derogatory term. Saying that she is slut for having casual sex one thing. Saying she is a slut for lying about casual sex is another. Reading your posts it seems that you are upset about the lying as well as her previous relationships. You called women like her untrustworthy sluts.. are there trustworthy sluts?

[sugar_and_spice]

Are you serious? To say that women like my ex are justified to lie about her past because of people like me is only enabling that behaviour of entitlement. Everything else under the sun can apparently be an acceptable reason for not wanting to date someone, but god forbid someone has an issue with another person's sexual history.

 

I don't have casual sex and I want to date women who feel the same way about casual sex. I don't want or need details, just a simple yes or no. A "none of your business" is also a perfectly acceptable answer. There is no reason to lie about it though, that's selfish and manipulative. Women like my ex who used to have casual sex and hide/deny that when asked, are untrustworthy sluts.

 

I don't have similar issues with women who have casual sex and don't hide that. Granted, I don't want to date them, but I would expect that they don't want to date me either. To know this sooner rather than later is a good thing for both of us.

i got the impression from your post that you were calling women who have casual sex sluts in general.

[SilkRose]

I really want to read this whole thread (crazy busy running my biz lately!), but I just wanted to comment on this:

 

 

Yes. I can go out any time day or night and be having sex with a gorgeous sex bomb of a man within the hour. The same is true for most women.

 

That's pretty hot.

 

LMAO! Where do these sexy men happen to be located. Do you you have a list of states/cities in mind? I am only half joking... That would be an interesting thread topic...

[Awesome Username]

I actually have no idea whether or not I could have sex with no emotions. I've never had a fwb or a one-night stand, so I have no experience in the matter. Some weird part of me tells me that I probably could, but it's unlikely.

[SilkRose]

probably the reason why some women who have casual sex don't reveal all about their sexual past is that they're labelled sluts by people like you.

 

Very true! I'm honest but I understand why women would lie, probs out of fear of being dumped and insulted. Women are women, not objects, these terms are part of a double standard that is stupid and doesn't actually help us to talk about casual sex etc. Also if a man refered to any woman, even an ex as a 'slut' or a 'bitch' I would head for the exit. It reveals that he has issues that I can't deal with. It means that he typecasts women, rather than seeing the person. No thanks.

 

I am 100% honest with any man I feel is worthy of being in a committed relationship with me.

 

First of all, I do not date men who feel like women are labeled as 'sluts' just because they enjoy having sexual intercourse. It is human nature!! We all crave sexual attention in some shape or form.

 

 

Well said! There's nothing wrong with women wanting sex, the 'slut' label is weak.

 

yeah i know.

i'm tired of such attitudes displayed by some guys toward women who have casual sex.

 

Me too!

 

I admire the fact that you would not consider these females as 'sluts'.

 

However, just because they enjoy casual sex does not mean they are not relationship material.

 

What if every woman decided that if a man wanted to have casual sex, or have in the past, means that they are not relationship quality?

 

Do you know how many men would not be in relationships?

 

Double standards are not acceptable these days.

 

Well said!

 

If a man wants good relationship material he should pick a woman that is good at relationships right? I view women like this as types who are not interested in commiting to any man which is okay but makes them not good for anything serious or women who can't love which also disqualifies them. Women like this just do not value real love and commitment. A man should have fun with them but never marry them.

 

Why not just ask the woman in question? Some women want casual sex, some want a relationship (there are so many different kind of relationships) and if you ask them, in a polite way and actually talk, you may be able to figure things out through communicating directly rather than simply guessing.

 

I don't have casual sex and I want to date women who feel the same way about casual sex. I don't want or need details, just a simple yes or no. A "none of your business" is also a perfectly acceptable answer. There is no reason to lie about it though, that's selfish and manipulative. Women like my ex who used to have casual sex and hide/deny that when asked, are untrustworthy sluts.

 

I don't have similar issues with women who have casual sex and don't hide that. Granted, I don't want to date them, but I would expect that they don't want to date me either. To know this sooner rather than later is a good thing for both of us.

 

Its great that you actually practise what you preach but the word 'slut' is unecessary and offensive, what you're refering to is a 'liar' who lies about having casual sex.

 

Erica, no worries. I'm trying to be more clear and less emotional.

 

I won't speak for all men, or even a few, since perhaps I'm wired differently, but I think one valid fear I would have now, knowing more, is that a woman with a casual sex 'switch' can, as CarrieT so eloquently pointed out, command not only men but hot men at the snap of the finger; it is and would be easy and effortless, even as a knee-jerk emotional response, to vacate the sanctity of the marriage or committed relationship even for the briefest, yet most damaging of moments. Comparitively, if you agree with her and my assessment, it is much harder for a man, even if so inclined, under the same circumstances, to vacate his committment and fidelity. IMO, when men use derogatory words towards women with high numbers or a casual sex mindset, they are speaking to that fear, whether consciously or not. Is it a valid and healthy fear? I don't know...

 

This is a valid and useful point, it is only a valid and healthy fear if the man doesn't trust his partner (if so, why cointinue the relationship?) but more positively why not use that fear/insecurity to show the woman in the relationship that she is desired and appreciated? Yes some women can get attractive men easily, so if she's chosen to be in a monogamous relationship with one man, why doesn't he show that he cares and appreciates her attractiveness and all the other qualities that attracted his attention, her intellect, generosity, whatever it is that she has as a person...?

 

However you must also note that some women have all picky or have different things that attracted them to men, so the 'pool' of men they are attracted to may be a lot smaller than you think. Mine is, just because I can get casual sex from lots of men, doesn't men I want most of the ones that are available. I'm not attracted to just anyone and where I live, the options are kinda limited, in terms of meeting someone who I could actually date or even just someone who I am physically attracted to and trust enough to have casual sex with. This is why I'm thinking of male friends and collegues, that and the safety issue.

 

sex without involving emotions? Gosh, wish I can do that, I think I will sooo rock the house! LOL...But I can't ...I have to be emotionally vested in the other person to do it.....am I boring or what?

 

You aren't boring! At least you know for sure which is great!

[A O]

Women are women, not objects, these terms are part of a double standard that is stupid and doesn't actually help us to talk about casual sex etc.

There is no double standard. Men are labeled, men are hung, drawn and quartered for their sexuality from the get-go. Women who act like men - get treated like men. But, but, but we all forget if not downright fail to ever realize how we treat/view men. Men - almost always have to prove themselves to more than just walkin/talkin d*cks to women. Always have to prove themselves to be above their sexuality. In other words - male sexuality is judged like you wouldn't believe - or fail to realize!! But hey, if you shine the spotlight the other way - just watch the squealing!

 

Well said! There's nothing wrong with women wanting sex, the 'slut' label is weak

I'm not a fan of labels, and I'm certainly not a fan of the 's...' term. But you're playing the same game....you're just using a different weapon.

 

.

[Ariadne]

From my experience sex without emotions is possible with the men who have no potential for females' fantasies about attachment/love.

I do not mean that sex with these guys is enjoyable. But, I would say that sex with them is better than nothing.

For example, they are guys who you totally dislike;

guys who are totally out of your league;

guys who are your ONSs on your short trip to Europe;

guys who are in love with you or your best friends, but you are not into them at all;

guys who are much younger (20 yrs) then you;

and other types of hopeless guys who can not be taken seriously.

 

I guess a woman can partly enjoy sex with them on the first times because of a sense of doing a new person. IMO, she can do them several times even it feels like vomiting, but then she can not help dropping them.

 

This pretty much narrows it down in my case.

 

If I had waited to find true love to have sex, I´d still be a virgin.

 

I don´t care to do that anymore, though.

[calizaggy]

Some women can be completely hypocritical.

 

1. Who would you want your son to marry? A girl that views sex as important, or a woman who views sex as a recreational activity with hot guys? Maybe she slept with half the football team, frat, or his coworkers.. How proud would you be?

 

2. What would you call a girl that is banging hot guys at your place of employment just for sex? A SLUT.

 

3. Keep in mind these "sluts" are also the ones banging your husband/boyfriend because they do not need any emotional attachment/relationship for sex. It is just "fun".

 

4. Would you feel more secure with your boyfriend from a disease standpoint if his ex had 2 past partners? Or 50?

 

 

Since sex is sooo easy for any female to get, whether they are 15, obese, ugly, or even mentally handicapped what guy wants a woman that gives it away freely? And the ones that do give it away freely typically are no prize.

 

I would feel MUCH better marrying a woman who holds sex in high regard, than a woman who has no problem banging guys with no emotion attached. Obviously I view the latter woman as someone more likely to cheat.

[lino]

Ofcourse they can.

 

I've had women sleep with me even though they didn't give a sh*t about me.

 

I don't think there's a problem with women or men having sex casually or without emotion. However, I think it's wrong when a man or woman isn't honest about their intentions to have sex in that way.

 

 

 

 

Some women can be completely hypocritical.

 

1. Who would you want your son to marry? A girl that views sex as important, or a woman who views sex as a recreational activity with hot guys? Maybe she slept with half the football team, frat, or his coworkers.. How proud would you be?

 

2. What would you call a girl that is banging hot guys at your place of employment just for sex? A SLUT.

 

3. Keep in mind these "sluts" are also the ones banging your husband/boyfriend because they do not need any emotional attachment/relationship for sex. It is just "fun".

 

4. Would you feel more secure with your boyfriend from a disease standpoint if his ex had 2 past partners? Or 50?

 

 

Interesting points.

[ella23]

Since sex is sooo easy for any female to get, whether they are 15, obese, ugly, or even mentally handicapped what guy wants a woman that gives it away freely? And the ones that do give it away freely typically are no prize.

Not quite. The obese or extremely ugly women that I know have a pretty hard time getting laid (the ones who want to get laid, that is). It isn't as easy for women as you seem to think.

Edited February 8, 2010 by ella23

[harmfulsweetz]

Some women can be completely hypocritical.

 

1. Who would you want your son to marry? A girl that views sex as important, or a woman who views sex as a recreational activity with hot guys? Maybe she slept with half the football team, frat, or his coworkers.. How proud would you be?

 

2. What would you call a girl that is banging hot guys at your place of employment just for sex? A SLUT.

 

3. Keep in mind these "sluts" are also the ones banging your husband/boyfriend because they do not need any emotional attachment/relationship for sex. It is just "fun".

 

4. Would you feel more secure with your boyfriend from a disease standpoint if his ex had 2 past partners? Or 50?

 

 

Since sex is sooo easy for any female to get, whether they are 15, obese, ugly, or even mentally handicapped what guy wants a woman that gives it away freely? And the ones that do give it away freely typically are no prize.

 

I would feel MUCH better marrying a woman who holds sex in high regard, than a woman who has no problem banging guys with no emotion attached. Obviously I view the latter woman as someone more likely to cheat.

 

 

I don't think women who engage in casual sex should be labelled such. A man isn't labeled like women are, for doing the exact same thing. Why, if a woman does not want a romantic relationship, should she be denied sex? Oh, because people will think less of her for doing so? I have had casual sex, ONS, the lot, I'm not ashamed of that fact. A potential partner can ask me about it, and I'll tell him. To me, women have sexual desires and needs, and when they are single, those needs and desires are still present. Just because a woman has casual sex, does not mean she gives it around freely, or that they aren't a 'prize.' What does that make the men that give it around freely? Are they prizes?

 

I can have sex without emotion. It's all about how you look at it really. If you both go in with the same goal, you can make it work. If it puts you on a downer, it may not be for you. Many women do bond more than men during sex, and therefore struggle with it. That's not to say they aren't capable of casual sex, but it's all about outlook. If you know all it is is sex, but you do it wanting more, don't be shocked if you get hurt. However, if you only want the sex, then it should work. Choose someone who you won't get attached to, that you are attracted to only on a physical level, otherwise there can be complications.