Do women ever remember the good things?

[Woggle]

I was talking to a friend at work who is planning his divorce because he has had enough and he says one of his major reasons for living is that she appreciates nothing good he ever does. I look at the relationship with my ex and she had a laundry list of the tiniest little things I didn't even remember to stay mad at me about but she didn't remember one good thing. I am starting to wonder a man should even bother going all out and doing nice things for a woman when only the bad counts in the end anyway.

[hoping2heal]

Well, it's been about 14 months now. I can remember pretty much every good thing (and there's a lot ).

[TaraMaiden]

Now you see, there it is right there.

Your problem.

 

It cuts both ways, you know.

And you do know.

 

After 24 years of marriage, you know what my ex-husband told my partner?

"Well, at least she's a good cook".

That's all he had to say, after being married to me, all that time.

 

My partner actually said to him -

"Is that all you can say about her, after all this time?

Is that all you know about her?

Is that all you can see?"

 

"Well", he replied, "If you can see more, you're welcome to it. Because I can cook too."

 

Nice, huh?

 

(Incidentally, my spaghetti al ragu is to die for.)

[bayouboi]

Most of the relationship books I've read pretty much agree with this.

 

They suggest that men forgive and forget while women tend to always remember the negatives in order to bring them up at some future point. My experiences have pretty much been the same.

[carhill]

My best friend's wife is mad at me because I remember the good things about my M. She'll never be mad at my stbx. 'Nuff said.

[You'reasian]

I was talking to a friend at work who is planning his divorce because he has had enough and he says one of his major reasons for living is that she appreciates nothing good he ever does. I look at the relationship with my ex and she had a laundry list of the tiniest little things I didn't even remember to stay mad at me about but she didn't remember one good thing. I am starting to wonder a man should even bother going all out and doing nice things for a woman when only the bad counts in the end anyway.

 

Women tend to not appreciate the good things or some of the minute things that do have an impact. You could've had a nice, quiet evening making out on the beach during a sunset after you break up-> "Oh girl, he sucks at kissing!"....LOL

 

Women talk. They usually talk about he good things while they are happening. They forget quickly after the relationship and come up with a laundry list of things they disliked - even minute.

[anne1707]

I think unfortuntately this is the way some people are (both men and women). My SIL will go for a full sulk and not speak to her H for weeks at a time - I have not got a clue why they are still together.

 

As for me. If my H or I argue or something crops up which annoys me/him, I just want us to deal with it and then forget it. In spite of all the problems we have had, we don't dwell on that because we have learnt what we needed to know from all that pain. If you keep reliving it then there is no reason to be together.

 

Marriage is about both good and bad times - a marriage is tested by the bad but it is the good that makes it all worthwhile.

[Woggle]

This guy at work was telling me that a year from now my wife will not even remember this cozy day. Is this true?

[meerkat stew]

Apparently some women do remember the good things, as my exes on FB are all up in my sh*t there constantly.

[You'reasian]

I think unfortuntately this is the way some people are (both men and women). My SIL will go for a full sulk and not speak to her H for weeks at a time - I have not got a clue why they are still together.

 

As for me. If my H or I argue or something crops up which annoys me/him, I just want us to deal with it and then forget it. In spite of all the problems we have had, we don't dwell on that because we have learnt what we needed to know from all that pain. If you keep reliving it then there is no reason to be together.

 

Marriage is about both good and bad times - a marriage is tested by the bad but it is the good that makes it all worthwhile.

 

I agree with this. If something comes up, deal with it then and there and try to move on. Excellent!

[carhill]

Apparently some women do remember the good things, as my exes on FB are all up in my sh*t there constantly.

So, I'll assume you're letting them believe their mind f*ck is working, right?

[meerkat stew]

So, I'll assume you're letting them believe their mind f*ck is working, right?

 

HAHA These are old exes, not recent. 5-10 years ago at least, some longer. Most married. Most of them aren't looking to stir something up again, but you can just tell when someone likes you and remembers your time together well, as opposed to those who give you the stink eye when you run into them.

[Stung]

I do tend to remember negative occurrences more clearly than my husband does, especially when they are recurring around a particular theme we've already had issues with in the past.

 

I also remember good times and good days more clearly than he does, especially when HE is angry with ME, he has a tendency to rewrite history until he has calmed down a little bit, something he admits.

 

I also remember our anniversaries and important dates better than he does. And I remember his schedule which he always forgets to update in his phone. And I remember what he did with that book he was reading, and where he put his keys...

[hoping2heal]

This guy at work was telling me that a year from now my wife will not even remember this cozy day. Is this true?

 

Not at all..I can remember the good things from over a year ago he has done, and not all of them were particulary "grand gestures" he has done those too but I even remember just the simple, thoughtful things with equal clarity. I can remember the moments he would fall asleep and I would just beam ear to ear listening to him sleep. That's not even something "Good he did" I can just remember the good "times" wether they happened yesterday or last year.

[Jaytb]

Yes women remember the good things! Probably more so than men do:)

[angelaM]

I remember the good things more than the bad things, and I wish that wasn't the case because it makes it a lot harder to get over the end of a relationship. But I remember one time I was dating a guy who brought me flowers every time he came over, even though they made me sneeze sometimes. But, he was always, always late. And when we talked about that once, that I didn't like coming in late to the theatre or whatever, he reminded me that he always brought me flowers, and that probably none of my friends' boyfriends brought them flowers. So yeah, I guess bringing flowers was a good thing, but they made me sneeze and I would have much preferred that he show up on time. I still remember a lot of nice things he did, but it's possible that in retrospect, he only remembers that I didn't appreciate the flowers as much as I should have, given how often he mentioned that to me..

[Trialbyfire]

I was talking to a friend at work who is planning his divorce because he has had enough and he says one of his major reasons for living is that she appreciates nothing good he ever does. I look at the relationship with my ex and she had a laundry list of the tiniest little things I didn't even remember to stay mad at me about but she didn't remember one good thing. I am starting to wonder a man should even bother going all out and doing nice things for a woman when only the bad counts in the end anyway.

Let's turn that around. Do you remember the good things about your current wife or do you allow past grievances to take over your thoughts about her?

[Sharla]

I won't say what they are, but I do. And they may be the most simplistic things that most people wouldn't give a second thought to, but when I think back on it...my heart glows.