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Didn't tell new interest about girlfriend sooner


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For the past 6 months or so, I've been flirting off-and-on with a girl a work. During this time, I was in a relationship with somebody. The relationship wasn't going well, and when it looked like we might break-up soon or broke up for a day or two, I flirted more with this girl. When we reconciled and got back together, I backed-off my flirting. I never did tell this girl that I had a girlfriend because I always thought that I soon wouldn't. I could tell that she was interested in me, so after a few months of the yo-yo, I stopped flirting with this girl altogether so that I wouldn't feel like I was leading her on. I know I should've told her the truth about having a girlfriend, but I guess I liked the flirting.

 

So now I've broken-up with my girlfriend for good and I would really like to ask this girl out. Assuming she says yes, when she asks why I didn't ask her out sooner, how should I explain it without making myself look like the total jerk that I am? Any suggestions on how to approach her and what I might expect from her?

 

Thanks for any advice.

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Assuming she says yes, when she asks why I didn't ask her out sooner, how should I explain it without making myself look like the total jerk that I am?

 

Why not make it a joke and ask her why SHE didn't ask you out sooner? Whatever you do, don't lie. Just sidestep. IF she asks. I wouldn't, myself. Later on, you will need to let her know that there have been other women in your life. She probably won't be terminally shocked.

 

Any suggestions on how to approach her and what I might expect from her?

Sneak up behind her in the parking lot and grab her from behind. No, wait, that's not what I meant. Just continue what you've been doing and say, "Will you have dinner with me next Tuesday? I would like to take you to an interesting tapas place I've heard a lot about."

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you're dating someone and flirting w/ another...you make me sick.

 

Perhaps you should try to flirt only w/ your girlfriend in the future, then you wouldn't have these problems.

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Thanks for those suggestions, SoleMate. I appreciate the humor as well. :)

 

Thanks for your reply, too, Baubles. You're right-- I shouldn't have been flirting (at least, not to the extent that I did) while I was still with someone else. However, the problems were there before I started flirting, and I only flirted when I thought things were over or about to be over. It's not a good excuse, but I at least hope you can understand where I was then.

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HokeyReligions
Originally posted by Waterboy

Thanks for those suggestions, SoleMate. I appreciate the humor as well. :)

 

Thanks for your reply, too, Baubles. You're right-- I shouldn't have been flirting (at least, not to the extent that I did) while I was still with someone else. However, the problems were there before I started flirting, and I only flirted when I thought things were over or about to be over. It's not a good excuse, but I at least hope you can understand where I was then.

 

Do you have no control over your behavior or say-so in your life? You only flirted when you thought things were about to be over. Why didn't you just end it yourself? You obviously were not happy and the breakup didn't break your heart - you were already flirting.

 

If you want a healthy relationship you need to be honest with your partner and yourself. Maybe you didn't mean to sound this way -- but you do sound like a bit of a wimp. I don't mean to name-call, but you were not making any decisions for yourself and were just waiting for one girl to dump you.

 

Ask this girl out, but if it gets serious you need to be honest with her and if it wanes and you find that your interest is being directed elsewhere do her and you a favor and break it off before you start flirting.

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I really don't see what the big deal about the flirting while you were in a crummy relationship. I mean, I see how someone in your now ex-girlfriend's position would be offended (and, boy, have I been there,lol), and maybe you should have been trying to fix things at home instead of flirting with someone else ;), but clearly that relationship is over now, and it sounds like you at the very least gave it a shot. Besides, what's done is done, eh? And more to the point, you're asking for advice...not your ex.

 

I think the point (the real one, not the one people fixated on), is how you think this girl is going to react when she finds out you were flirting with her while with someone else, right?

 

In that case, SoleMate was right on the button. You don't need to tell her immediately. Besides, if you get serious with this girl and it comes up later, she will probably understand your situation should you choose to explain it [better than some...ahem], since you were in a really rocky place with your now ex-girlfriend. Besides, you never did anything grossly inappropriate, right? If that's the case, then I'd say you're in the clear, just test the waters and find the right time to tell her, or sidestep it at first, without lying. I'm sure if you started the flirting back up again, and built up to a date, she'd be up for it.*

 

*Unless she's like a small minority of the women/girls who post at Loveshack. You might want to ask if she posts at any relationship help forums before you ask her out :)

 

Also, I just thought of something. Don't yo-yo this girl around anymore! You had no mal intent, becuase you thought you'd be single again, but I think that you usually only get one chance with people. You're lucky because you kept the flirting at a certian level, but then you backed off, then started flirting again, then backed off...Do that enough times, and a girl will probably assume you have a girlfriend (or other "issues" :)) We aren't stupid :p .

 

Hope this works out for you. You sound like a nice guy.

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Originally posted by mintjulep

I think the point (the real one, not the one people fixated on), is how you think this girl is going to react when she finds out you were flirting with her while with someone else, right?

 

Yes, that is exactly what I was asking! Thank you for being so perceptive. And thanks for the advice. I don't fault the others, though-- there is some truth in what they were saying, but overall, your response hit the nail on the head (in fact, it hit all of them!)

 

Thanks again.

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I was friends with a guy who I later found out had a girlfriend he was rocky with. It didn't bother me. When I found out that he was actually ENGAGED, then I got mad.

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