undecided

[tryintomoveon]

I'm hurting and don't know what to do. My wife left the day after Thanksgiving and a month later my daughter said mommy and some friend woke up in the same bed. I confronted my wife she became very mad, but did say she has a "friend". She says he slept on the ground but i don't believe that. I battle all the time with myself if i should call her and ask her information about this, but i don't think its my business what she does? Is it? Or should i just move on?

[hopesndreams]

File for D. It's done. It's over. Nothing to fight for but so much for you to live for. A cheater isn't worth your time and energy. The focus needs to be on you. You will start to come out of the zombie state once you do something.

 

She has cheated, is with another man, has moved 2 hours away and is preventing you from seeing your daughter. Let her live her life with her "friend". You need to live your life for you, get strong and get some semblance of control back into your life. You also need to be part of your child's life and look into custody arrangements. She can't stop you from seeing her.

 

What information are you looking for specifically from her?

[Steadfast]

 

I'm hurting and don't know what to do. My wife left the day after Thanksgiving and a month later my daughter said mommy and some friend woke up in the same bed. I confronted my wife she became very mad, but did say she has a "friend". She says he slept on the ground but i don't believe that. I battle all the time with myself if i should call her and ask her information about this, but i don't think its my business what she does? Is it? Or should i just move on?

 

 

Since you asked directly for advice on what to do, here it is.

 

Please understand (in my opinion) 'moving on' is an emotional process; something you'll have to do once a decision has been made and the legal groundwork have been laid. That is either a reconciliation or a divorce. Separation is not divorce, it is not an opportunity to date or begin another relationship. She is your wife, you are still legally married so yes; it is your business who she's sleeping with what she's exposing your daughter to.

 

To review; before you can move on some work must be done.

 

You are in the best position to gauge whether or not your wife can handle -or is capable of participating in- a serious, honest discussion of your marriage. Since you mentioned she became defensive and lied about the sleeping arrangement, chances are she'll continue that behavior...why lie if there is no fear of the truth? This means she isn't ready for either divorce or a reconcile with you, preferring instead to keep you in limbo until she's clearer on her next course of action. This is common, but extremely unfair.

 

If it were me, I would tell her (preferably in person) that I have no intention of sharing my wife with anyone, nor do I wish to remain in the darkness while she mulls over her options. If your love is strong enough to withstand the challenge of trusting her again and she is willing -100%- to give it her all, then move on together. If there is any waffling, cries of unfairness or confusion about what she wants or needs, then file for divorce. Do not be controlled, you are half of the partnership and your voice must be heard. Do not allow her to dominate the scene. You count.