Baffled.

[Nina]

I've been posting here for a while but hardly ever with my own questions. But now I'm confused and a little hurt and I don't understand something that happened.

 

I met my neighbor last summer before I met my fiancee. We flirted and hooked up once, but I knew it was bad to date your neighbors, so we ended up just being friends, although he mentioned hooking up with me a lot and we still flirted. He met my fiancee (then my boyfriend) and they became kind of friends, but mostly they hung out with each other because I wanted to hangout with both of them.

 

Anyways, he started dating someone else, finally, and stopped coming over and calling and saying he was lonely. He and his girlfriend are pretty off and on, since he cheats on her pretty regularly. He still mentioned that one night we had sex, even in front of his girlfriend. I didn't like it and told him he was being disrespectful to me and his girlfriend, so he stopped.

 

Anyways, when I got engaged, he was the first person we really told. I was excited and happy because I'm totally in love with my fiancee. But the response we received from my friend was pretty nonchalant. He just said congratulations and that he had stuff to do so he'd see me later.

 

I never saw him again! He stopped calling me and talking to me completely and now he's sub-leased his apartment to another friend who I'm on good terms with and gone off for the summer, all without talking to me at all.

 

I'm upset. I thought we were friends and I don't remember doing anything to insult him and now he's just cut me out of his life. Now I hear that he and his girlfriend are getting married, although all the information I hear is from the guy who sub-let the apartment and not from my friend. Why would he just shut me out like that?

[Randy]

Welcome to the world.

 

Friends shut out other friends all the time, for a variety of reasons. It seems these days many people acquire friends because they fill a particular need or void in their lives at the time. Once that need is no longer there or filled elsewhere, the friendship is pretty well over.

 

You said in your own post once he started dating someone, things pretty well went downhill. Between his dating this one girl and cheating on her, it sounds like he has his plate pretty full anyway and probably doesn't have time for a friendship with you.

 

It is possible he still has feelings for you, even though he has someone, and he just doesn't want to complicate his life.

 

However, as you proceed in life, you will find that many people you thought were your friends just turn the page and move on in the world. Don't take it personally. It's just the way the whole thing works, even though it hurts and is sometimes depressing.

 

One day, he may be without a girl, lonely, and down and out and will call You'd be surprised how many people get calls when their ex's become lonely and depressed. I hope you have the strength to tell him, if and when he calls you, how he made you feel like crap by abandoning the friendship and you don't want to go there again.

 

I heard someone say on a TV talk show once, I don't remember who it ways, but they said, "You can never lose a friend, you can only find out who they really are." I happen to feel that's true.

[Bluesman]

Anyways, when I got engaged, he was the first

person we really told. I was excited and happy because I'm totally in love with my fiancee. But the response we received from my friend was pretty nonchalant. He just said congratulations and that he had stuff to do so he'd see me later. I never saw him again! He stopped calling me and talking to me completely and now he's sub-leased his apartment to another friend who I'm on good terms with and gone off for the summer, all without talking to me at all.

I think your friend is still in love with you and now he's trying to forget you. He's probably having a hard time - I've been there and I know how much it hurts.

 

Just my opinion !

[Taressa]

Hi Nina,

 

I agree with the guys.

 

I think your friend had feelings for you that never quite went away. Once you were engaged it probably forced him to realize you wouldn't be coming back to him, even for an occasional hook-up.

 

I know it hurts to be shut out of someone's life but for now I really do believe he's done the smart thing. I wish, however, he could have been honest with you about his feelings so you could have avoided this hurt. Friendships take work and honesty.

 

Look for this guy to reappear in your future. Guard against the disruption he could bring to your marriage. His appearance could bring some strong feelings on; make sure you're ready to make the commitment of marriage and then stick with your husband through thick or thin.

 

Best wishes for a beautiful wedding and faithful marriage.