break up for wrong reasons i guess

[adidas6380]

ok heres my deal. this girl i have been with since last summer. we broke up for the month of november and i have had some post on that here before. but we got back together and then this week things jsut went bad. we broke up again and i dont know what to do now. i still really like her. the reason she says she broke up with me is becaseu she doesnt want to get hurt when i have to leave for college next year. but i have tried to tell her that im not leave for college.

 

im staying here and going to the community college but she refuses to take that. she thinks that i am staying here for her and im not. there are other reasons that i am staying here. what i have seen is that she is afraid of what is going to happen. and i want her to understand that there is nothing to be scared of but she refuses to listen to me. that is why she said she wanted to break up. but she also has this friend that she is always around. they are best friends. and she was there the night we had broken up but didnt tell me. i know she has been saying stuff to her and i thought that she was my friend too. she helped me through our break period a lot. and then she goes and tells her to do this.

 

my ex says that she had nothing to do with it but i know she did. the one thing that started all of this was we were planning for us and her friends to come to my house for NYE. my brother and i were having a party. they all agreed to it. but then this friend started saying that she didnt want to go to my house and stuff like that. so the y ex tells me this and they end up breaking the plans with me and somehoe i get thrown out of the NYE plans alltogether. but then this week came arounf and she got back in town and i went to talk to her and i told her how everything was making me feel and she told me that her friends are saying stuff like "we never get to hang out wiht you anymore" and stuff like that, making her feel guilty about not being around them as much. and they did hang out a lot. but then so it was her friend making her break the plans with me on NYE then i later that night that i had got to talk to her we were talking online and i said something to one of her friends that i thought was doing the same thing but she wasnt and then my ex and i broke up that night.

 

i did feel relieved at first but the more i think about it the more i get angry. but then comes NYE and all the sudden her friend wants to come to my house. so she does with some other friends but not my ex. then they called her and were talking to her but didnt tell her that they were at my house but somehow she knew. i guess she heard all of the other people around us. but when she got off the phone wiht her she turned to her mom and said that they were telling her to break up with me and go out wiht this other guy and then said taht they were over here at my house. she was really upset. but her mom told my mom later that night about it. but then later that night they called me to come and get them so they can come back to my hosue and chill. so i go and get them they are all there and we go back to my house.

 

things were very weird. i didnt really know what to do so i just sat there saying nothing. but they all came and sat on my bed and everyone was quiet for awhile and then i jsut start drinking. i didnt care anymore. so things got a little better. i started feeling better. but then comes midnight. this is when it got really weird. because it is supposed to be the first kiss of the year and everyone else was kissing and we just sat there. we didnt even look at each other. then i ended up back in my room jsut thinking about everything. i looked at her picture she had given me for christmas and i read the card she gave me. in the card she said that she thinks we were meant for each other.

 

i didnt know what to think about that now. but then as i was reading it her friend came back and started talking to me and then she hid the picture and the card and anything else that was from my ex. she has influence my ex to do many things that just, i dont know. they seem like it is more for her then for my ex. the things she does is to help herself. it seems like she doesnt really care about my ex but more for herself. and i know that my ex noticed a little of it when she got of the phone with them before they went to her house that night. but the next day i got online and io told my ex that there is something that i needed to tell her so bad and that i really wanted to but i couldnt. becasue it was something that she needed to figure out on her own. and then i told her i had to go. but she said taht she kinda knew what i was talking about but it wasnt what i was talking about. she told me something like is it because we still both like each other but it wont work out. and i said no. then i told her jsut to take a good look at what her friends do and say. and then i told her that i really had to go and i left. and then i came back and her away message said that she was watching tv thinking.

 

but i dont think it worked. her friend has caused so many problems in my ex's life. right before she left for vacation she got all mad at her and said taht she was a bad friend and then the next day she was acting like nothing had even happened. i try to let her see it but it will take awhile i know. but she needs to know some of the things that she does to her. but she still doesnt want to believe them. and i know how that is. i didnt want to believe them before either when everyone was trying to tell me that this girl was doing this type of stuff because i was good friends with her too. but who knows. she might she might not figure it out. but ireally want to get back with her but then again i dont.

 

i want to be with her but i know she needs to figure this out before we can have a good relationship. so i guess i am saying i still want to be with her but not right now. i dont know. but now i still have so many thing that i want to say to her but i cant. because i know she wont listen and she with think differently about it. just like she does have to worry about me leaving next fall. because im not but she wont listen to me about htat. and if she does then she thinks that i am staying here just for her. but im not and thats how she takes it.

 

i have told some of my friends that do talk to her some what the reasons were and they might try to tell her those and make her see. but i jsut cant say these things and i am afraid to talk to her because i know they might come out. so now i am trying to back off and i guess shopw her that i have moved on and see what she does then. i do think that she was the best thing that has ever happened to me. and i would give anything for her. but she jsut needs to know what is going on and she also needs to know that there is nothing to be scared of.

[InLoKo]

Phew! That's a story. (And I read it before the paragraphs went in!!)

 

Let me start with my overall impression. Why pretend that you're not interested if you are? Won't that just prove to your ex just what her bad friend has been presumably saying...that you will break her heart, etc, etc. Why don't you try to prove this bad friend wrong, try and win your ex back, if that's what you want. The other thing I see is that there seems to be far too many people involved in your relationship. It should be you two only. No-one's Moms, friends, etc. Your ex seems to have difficulty trusting you and doesn't believe what you say. Somehow, you need to get across to her that if she loves you, she must trust you.

 

Have you ever given her reason to mistrust you in the past? My next question is this: how good are you at listening to what your ex has to say? Really listening? Women need to be heard - it's a basic need. I think the two of you need to go out, somewhere quiet, and really talk. Listen carefully to what she has to say without interrupting. Then (calmly and sincerely) tell her what you want to say. If she is prepared to listen and give things another go, then you both need to agree and what you should both do to avoid this happening next month. Unless you change the pattern, the same thing will keep happening until you learn the lesson. If she won't hear what you have to say and prefers to listen to her meddling friend, then you really are better off without her.

[adidas6380]

i guess i try to act liek taht because i think that once she notices that i am gone she will notice that she has made a mistake. some friends of my parents have been together through all of high school and now they are married and in the 30"s. she told me that when they were in high school she broke up with him and then she saw that he was ok and she went crazy trying to get him back. so i guess im trying to see if it might happen here. and then i can also see how much i really do mean to her. but i have also noticed taht she is trying to show eme that she is moving on i guess or she is trying to make me jelous because of last night when i was talking to her online i told her that i was talking to one of her other friends and then a friend of mine that i have know since last summer. both girls. i guess she is trying to do the same with me now too. she has an away message saying that she is going to the mall with "that frind" to see this mickle guy. and i know that it should jsut be us two. i said to her one night that we were having some problems and they were caused by her friend, i said can we jsut let our relationship be here with us. no one else. and she said to me im gonna talk to my friends and if you have a problem with that then i dont think we should be together.. so i was like what ever.

 

i have never given her a reason to not trust me. at one point she thought i didnt trust her. becaseu soemthing taht happened befroe the break. some other guy gave her a gift and it was a really nice bracelet and of course i was like what is this about. and this guy did like her. but the next day i was fine with it. i didnt care. i did trust her with that. but then her "friend" came up to me and was like you and bri need to talk. and i said why and she jsut said yall need to talk and she is afraid to bring it up. so i asked her if she liked this guy and she said that bri said she wanst sure. so i got mad then. but i also saw bri right after taht so i asked her. and she told me that her friend had said it wrong and that she never said that. so when i had gone to talk to her the say we broke up she brought that up and said that she had talked to some other guys about it and they said they would have either kicked the guys ass or they said taht if i was mad i sisnt trust her. but i did trust her.

 

then there is the thing about listening. i try my best to talk to her but she is a girl that is really passive and doesnt really like to confront things. so i will try to talk to her but she is afraid. i am a good listener and i try to. but i want to prove to her about her friend but i cant say it because it makes me look like an ass. so i am trying to give her some hints and telling her jsut too look at her friend. because it will make me look like an ass untill she notices what is going on. but there are still things that she needs tio learn and like i said i still want to be with her but not now. she needs to figure these thigns out.

[adidas6380]

im so confused now!!!!