carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Gifts arrive in many forms Link to post Share on other sites
greatgirlfriend Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Jeez! That's a bit extreme! I thought so too. I wasn't invited either and I was 14. My cousins were much younger and I thought it was tacky on the one cousin to get so mad. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 That was kinda rude. Not really... Up-front, maybe. Direct, possibly. Blunt? Definitely. But rude? no, I don't think so. And true..... Don't you think....? I'm not blaming him. I'm saying that being committed to him has a lot of complications going with it.... from being a good housekeeper, to who to invite. it can't be easy..... This is my fiance's opinion as well. He actually didn't even want to invite them!!! A member of his family actually showed up at his cousin's wedding in a Pokemon shirt and ripped jeans...is that classy? No. like I said, nothing in my post criticised him. His family's opinion may focus on this being your doing, though. You know what families are, loose cannons shooting at random... Yep, we already did that. She is actually understanding as she knows our wedding is very fancy and it would not be appropriate for children. She actually admitted that their family isn't classy. Then I think you need to discuss with her what she will say to everyone, and keep the message the same. "This isn't your wedding. it's my son's and Lauriebell's. They made a decision, and they can do what they like. if you don''t like it, either respect their wishes, suck it up and deal with it, or don't come. Your choice." I wish you luck..... Link to post Share on other sites
TravP Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 We had to enforce this rule at my grandad's funeral reception after my grandma's was ruined by too many kids running around screaming. I'm sure most people will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 I'm not blaming him. I'm saying that being committed to him has a lot of complications going with it.... from being a good housekeeper, to who to invite. it can't be easy..... The cleaning thing isn't easy..but we actually might have come up with a good solution to that one! It's working. like I said, nothing in my post criticised him. His family's opinion may focus on this being your doing, though. You know what families are, loose cannons shooting at random... Yeah maybe. We are both agree on this though, it wasn't fully my decision. But yeah, I can see why his family may think it was because of me... Then I think you need to discuss with her what she will say to everyone, and keep the message the same. Yeah, good idea! They are actually having a family get together in a few months so she said she would let everyone know that we are not inviting children. So hopefully by the time the invitations go out there won't be any confusion/surprise or upset feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 You can say it, but be prepared for people to not attend for that very reason. If they have 2 kids then hiring a babysitter for 3-4 hours can cost them over 50 bucks. As well as people get irritated real quick when their children get shunned.. I would think that Alpha's idea is the best if your really wanted to cut out the noisy kids but honestly if you are being married in public and witnessed by your peers then wouldn't you want it to be their kids as well ? Isn't that part of the point of inviting your friends ? so they can see you get married.. I don't know if I would go to a wedding that didn't want kids.. Marriage is also about kids and family.. but that is just me... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 LB, you're going to piss people off either way. If you don't have children, those with them will feel alienated and inconvenienced. If you allow them and they behave like brats, those who wanted to attend an adult affair will be supremely annoyed. So you just do what YOU (as in you and your fiance) want to do, just do it tactfully. Another idea: Is there a room at the facility where you can create a mock day-care for the kiddos, with a paid babysitter? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 The very essence of Marriage is family.. Kids are family... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 I agree with Star that the wording should be inclusive rather than exclusive. Maybe, "adults and invited guests over thirteen only, please" I personally would put it on the reaponse card and not the invitation. The way I've seen it done many times in the past is " a nusery will be provided for all children under 13 Don't know if your venue has a room for that. My sisters did the nursery for my bff and I've helped for their friends. The only thing I would consider about your fiance's situation is that you are careful that the age doesn't leave one cousin out. Say you have 3 13-14 yo girls and one 12 yo. That will hurt feelings! Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 You can say it, but be prepared for people to not attend for that very reason. If they have 2 kids then hiring a babysitter for 3-4 hours can cost them over 50 bucks. As well as people get irritated real quick when their children get shunned.. I would think that Alpha's idea is the best if your really wanted to cut out the noisy kids but honestly if you are being married in public and witnessed by your peers then wouldn't you want it to be their kids as well ? Isn't that part of the point of inviting your friends ? so they can see you get married.. I don't know if I would go to a wedding that didn't want kids.. Marriage is also about kids and family.. but that is just me... So you wouldn't go to a friends or family members wedding because they choose to have adults only? At THEIR wedding? Isn't the point also do have the wedding the way you want it? Tell you what, you get married and invite as many kids as you want . Whoever throws a hissy fit because kids can't come..is being selfish themselves. Don't come them. On with the day. But that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 So you wouldn't go to a friends or family members wedding because they choose to have adults only? At THEIR wedding? No.. I wouldn't.. but then in my family we are all close and wouldn't leave out a portion of the family Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 No.. I wouldn't.. but then in my family we are all close and wouldn't leave out a portion of the family :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 :rolleyes: You can roll your eyes all you want but my family is pretty large and we are close.. I have 4 younger sisters and 1 older brother.. All have been married in weddings including myself and none of them excluded a portion of the family.. One of my sisters married a guy that had a 4.5 year boy who was the ring bearer.. I also work with some of my family.. so yes I am close to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 I don't know if there is a room in the venue for kids..I would think not since it is in a fancy museum. The other thing is that the guests who have children all live out of town. My FMIL has told me that they have access to babsitters, therefore if they really wanted to come they could easily find someone to watch their kids that they wouldn't have to pay. She also said that a lot of people won't come regardless of whether their children are invited because the wedding is out of their hometown. As for hurting people's feelings about age..the children are either teenagers (14 and older) or young children (10 and younger). So there aren't any "borderline aged" children. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 You can roll your eyes all you want but my family is pretty large and we are close.. I have 4 younger sisters and 1 older brother.. All have been married in weddings and none of them excluded a portion of the family.. One of my sisters was marrying a guy that had a 4.5 year boy who was the ring bearer.. I also work with some of my family.. so yes I am close to them. That's all great for you AC. I beleive that you have a large family. I think it's silly that you say wouldn't go to a wedding that excluded children..but to each his own! Hope everything works out well for the OP and she has a amazing wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 I did find a nice article on all adult weddings.. http://www.superweddings.com/etiquette.html They give some tips on wording the invite as to not offend some..They also basically say that is the brides day.. so... But then they also say this, which is basically what I've been saying.. If you are thinking about the option of an Adults Only wedding reception, its critically important that you consider the matter carefully and realize that some may indeed find this to be a tad offensive, ungracious, or downright cold. Weddings are not typically adult only events - in fact, throughout history, children have played an important role in the symbolism associated with weddings - and therefore some might be offended that you are dictating that they must leave their little ones at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 The people with children also need to be fair when thinking about cost... Most vendors still count a kid as a "head" when adding up food and alcohol costs. LB's not having alcohol at her wedding, but I'm sure she doesn't want to spend money on filet mignon or whatever she's serving for 5 year olds. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 The people with children also need to be fair when thinking about cost... Most vendors still count a kid as a "head" when adding up food and alcohol costs. LB's not having alcohol at her wedding, but I'm sure she doesn't want to spend money on filet mignon or whatever she's serving for 5 year olds. Most caterers or reception sites have children's menus from which they will serve kids under 12 years of age, typically at a dramatically lower cost. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 OP, I guess the question is, do you WANT children there..or are you just unsure? As AC pointed out, there could be some cost saving ways. Sounds like you are more concerned about behavior and safety, and the venue, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 The people with children also need to be fair when thinking about cost... Most vendors still count a kid as a "head" when adding up food and alcohol costs. LB's not having alcohol at her wedding, but I'm sure she doesn't want to spend money on filet mignon or whatever she's serving for 5 year olds. We are having alcohol at our wedding. It's included in the wedding package. Most caterers or reception sites have children's menus from which they will serve kids under 12 years of age, typically at a dramatically lower cost. Yes, they do have a children's menu that is less then the regular price per head. It would still be a lot of extra money to spend though because the cost will add up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 OP, I guess the question is, do you WANT children there..or are you just unsure? As AC pointed out, there could be some cost saving ways. Sounds like you are more concerned about behavior and safety, and the venue, right? I don't want children there. The cost of the kids meals would add up but it's not the price we are so much worried about. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Most caterers or reception sites have children's menus from which they will serve kids under 12 years of age, typically at a dramatically lower cost. I know for my BF's brother's wedding, this isn't true at all. Looks like LB's facility does though. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Lauriebell, here's another thought. I think a lot of couples will be happy to attend without their children. Especially if it is going to run into the evening. It will be a date for them. It is worth $50 for a babysitter to go out and have dinner, dance and be with friends. It gives the women a chance to really get 'dolled up' knowing they don't have to worry about chasing kids all night. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 I don't want children there. The cost of the kids meals would add up but it's not the price we are so much worried about. Well.. there ya go.. it falls into the it's your day law Nothing wrong with making it the way you want it to be.. I think it also falls in the category of you can't please everyone.. no matter which way you decide to go.. In the end someone will always be upset and honestly there isn't anything you can do to please everyone... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 they MIGHT stick their fingers in the wedding cake or whatever other food is there or do any other number of disgusting things children with no manners or proper parenting do.Oh, absolutely. I was at an Armenian wedding one time where the kids were chasing each other and ran into the cake table and knocked the cake over. More alcohol was poured, the cake disappeared and something replaced it. Didn't slow the party down one bit. I'm getting the sense that Laurie wants things to go a bit differently than that. I can understand this Link to post Share on other sites
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