greatgirlfriend Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 A friend of mine is getting married. Her fiance is mad because she refuses to change her last name. She is 42, and has a career and a "name". Personally, if I get married I won't take my husband's name either. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 A friend of mine is getting married. Her fiance is mad because she refuses to change her last name. She is 42, and has a career and a "name". Personally, if I get married I won't take my husband's name either. I think this is the most ridiculous thing a woman can do... in Quebec a woman is NOT allowed to change her name.. good gawd.. it' s about time.. we aren't in the 1900s anymore.. Women have their own identity... why don't men change their name.. it is sooooo 'old fashioned'... Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 I guess some men are traditional. I fully plan to change my name when my fiance and I get married. I don't have a problem with the tradition. Before we got engaged my fiance had told me that it is a dealbreaker for him if his wife didn't want to change her last name to his. I guess it's just important to some men for their wife to take their name just as it is important to some women to keep their name. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 I know other guys who have said they'd break the engagement if the wife didn't take his name, which I find ridiculous. The tradition started because the woman was originally his property after marriage. I might consider hyphenating if he did as well. Fair is fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 It means she is not really committed to the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Why is it such a big deal for the woman to change her name? I understand if you are established in your career or have your own business but why is this such a rediculous tradition? I'm not trying to argue with anyone but I am curious why women feel so offended and upset by this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 Why does it have to be the woman who changes her name? Why not the man? I disagree that she's not committed to the marriage. That's a stereotype. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Why does it have to be the woman who changes her name? Why not the man? I disagree that she's not committed to the marriage. That's a stereotype. Women who are usually this opposed to take a name are usually not commitment minded. Link to post Share on other sites
LDR Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Such a silly and sexist tradition. I am never changing my name, and that does not mean that I am not committed. No one in my family changes it (not my mother, not my grandmother). If my boyfriend would say that it was a dealbreaker, I would run as that tells me that he might be into "traditional" and sexist roles. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Women who are usually this opposed to take a name are usually not commitment minded. I don't think that's neccessarily true, it's more that the woman is not traditional in how she views marriage. If my boyfriend would say that it was a dealbreaker, I would run as that tells me that he might be into "traditional" and sexist roles. Yeah, this is probably right. Men who this is important to are into traditional roles or have a more traditional view of marriage (name changing, wife as the "stay at home mom.") Link to post Share on other sites
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 Women who are usually this opposed to take a name are usually not commitment minded. Not true. That's a stereotype. Besides, if it means that much to the guy let him change his name. Then we'd hear "oh that never happened before". Guess what? women having careers like they do now never happened before either. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 It means she is not really committed to the marriage. Does it mean that the man is not committed if he refuses to change his name... I know 2 men who took their W's name.. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I didn't change my name when I got married, there was no way! It's all a part of the antiquated notion that when a woman gets married, she becomes property of the man. She gives up her identity in order to stand behind his. I like my name, it's mine. My husband didn't have an issue with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Why is it such a big deal for the woman to change her name? I understand if you are established in your career or have your own business but why is this such a rediculous tradition? I'm not trying to argue with anyone but I am curious why women feel so offended and upset by this. Why.. why does it still have to be the woman who changes her identity... why don't the men change theirs.. It seems like women do not want to evolve... and I see that in many many situation.. not just the name.. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 The only men who take a woman's name are feminist beta males which no woman is attracted to anyway. The type of woman who is this opposed to name changing will also divorce at the drop of a hat because she is bored. She already has one foot out of the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Such a silly and sexist tradition. I am never changing my name, and that does not mean that I am not committed. No one in my family changes it (not my mother, not my grandmother). If my boyfriend would say that it was a dealbreaker, I would run as that tells me that he might be into "traditional" and sexist roles. I agree.. it is sexist.. and soooooo freaken 'macho' for men to think their W has to change to their name.... it would make me run as well... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 All about personal preference. Personally, I will be changing mine if/when I eventually marry. It's the name of my ex-step grandfather so I have zero attachment to it in the family sense. And it's kind of blah so I wouldn't mind being rid of it. There's no right or wrong in this IMHO. I do however think your friend's husband should respect her right to choose what name she will carry the rest of her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I personally would even go as far as saying that women who change their name for their husband's are weaker women... strong, independant women do NOT lose their identity for any man... it's that simple.. I have to admit that I don't have much 'respect' for women who change their name... I know it's bad.. but I can't help it.. I see it as a weakness.. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 But identity is more than just a name. To me, it is a matter of personal choice and does not indicate any weakness. There's no way anybody who knows me would not describe me as strong and independent. However I think a man who insists on it to the extent of it being a dealbreaker is either insecure or controlling or both Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 But identity is more than just a name. To me, it is a matter of personal choice and does not indicate any weakness. There's no way anybody who knows me would not describe me as strong and independent. However I think a man who insists on it to the extent of it being a dealbreaker is either insecure or controlling or both Exactly, on both sides. Seems a touch arrogant to me to think that one side is weak just because they don't agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 But identity is more than just a name. To me, it is a matter of personal choice and does not indicate any weakness. There's no way anybody who knows me would not describe me as strong and independent. However I think a man who insists on it to the extent of it being a dealbreaker is either insecure or controlling or both He is just trying to maximize his odds of having a happy marriage that lasts. Feminists tend not to make good marriage partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 He is just trying to maximize his odds of having a happy marriage that lasts. Feminists tend not to make good marriage partners. I don't think it's so much that feminists don't make good marriage partners. They just need to marry a non-traditional man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 He is just trying to maximize his odds of having a happy marriage that lasts. Feminists tend not to make good marriage partners. Yes, because they won't put up with abuse, cheating, and men expecting her to do all the housework (or for her to quit her job). Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I tried to get my wife NOT to take my name, but she wanted it for practical reasons. I think it's because her maiden name is long and asian, difficult to pronounce and people are always asking for the spelling. Mine is 4 letters. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I don't think it's so much that feminists don't make good marriage partners. They just need to marry a non-traditional man! They will never respect and be attracted to these men. Lizzie said that men who insist a woman takes his name are macho but when I look around I see macho men being the winners in marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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