Dating a single woman with kids=bad idea

[St. Nick]

Just got back from the shortest date I've ever had (it was about 15 minutes). I've been disentangling myself from this relationship with this older chick I'm seeing and trying to get with one of these two younger girls I've known for weeks. I finally got the go signal from not one of them, but both of them! I couldn't believe it. I scored with both of these honies at the same time. I was thinking, "YOU DA MAN!"

 

 

Anyway, we went to their place to---ahem---get to know each other (they together), and I thought I was in for a real treat. How wrong I was. When I got in there were all these rugrats running around (maybe four), and this woman says, "Oh Jill, you're here. I gotta run. I'm late for work." And she says bye and the three of us are left alone in the apt. I ask if that was the kids's mother and they say, "No, they're our kids." Each of them has two kids. I said, "I thought neither of you has never been married and don't have boyfriends." They shrugged and said, "We don't."

 

UH-OH! REEEEEEEEED LIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

 

They tell me to sit down while they do whatever. I sit down on the couch and I look at this elementary school kid playing with his toys, and I'm thinking, "Get your ass outta here! Go!" But I kept throwing that thought outta my head until the kid comes up and talks to me. In the midst of the convo you will not believe what he says, "Are you gonna stay here longer than my other daddies?" I was too stunned to say a goddamm word. He continued, "I had other daddies and they didn't stay too long. Are you gonna stay longer than my other daddies?" It was like a nightmare! I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming and then when I found I wasn't, I raced outta that apartment like there was a timebomb in it.

 

I just told my pal about it and he doesn't think there's nothing wrong with dating a chick with kids. Right now, I've come to the realization that too many guys are misinformed about the perils of dating women with kids. Here are the reasons why you shouldn't:

 

1. Kids will interrupt sex.

2. The dads might come over and give you trouble.

3. If she likes you she might get desperate and see you as a potential daddy without considering whether that's what you want.

4. If you ever go out on dates with her and her kids you most likely will be the one where the majority of the financial burden falls on.

5. She might ask you to babysit.

6. The kids might resent you and start hating you cuz "You're not my real daddy".

7. You'll always come second place to the boogereater.

8. There is a law in some states, or it may be federal, where if you get into a relationship with her, and the child sees you as a father figure, you may be required to pay child support. Yes, it's true.

 

Unless her kids are grown and financially supporting themselves, there is no reason to date a woman with kids.

 

Hope you dudes have learned a lesson.

[greatgirlfriend]

This is why a single person of either gender shouldn't date a parent. I am a single woman and I reject guys with kids. I don't want to be a stepmother and take care of kids not my own.

[Barky]

weird post dude.

 

You "scored" with two women who "live together" but ran out because of children?

 

Could you explain how this situation even came to pass?

[soulm8]

We're all entitled to our preferences, but as a divorced mother of 2 kiddos, I have to say single mothers are not all in the same category.

 

I shudder at your list and see why I prefer to date single fathers!

[calizaggy]

Are they bi?

[Barky]

From my experiences "dating" single moms:

 

1. Kids will interrupt sex.

 

True.

 

2. The dads might come over and give you trouble.

 

They're mostly just jealous pricks, but yes.

 

3. If she likes you she might get desperate and see you as a potential daddy without considering whether that's what you want.

 

For sure.

 

4. If you ever go out on dates with her and her kids you most likely will be the one where the majority of the financial burden falls on.

 

Yes, often single moms think that since you're getting to experience the "joy" of being around their little tot you should pony up for the group.

 

5. She might ask you to babysit.

 

"Watch the kids while I go to the grocery store" has happened to me on more than one occasion.

 

6. The kids might resent you and start hating you cuz "You're not my real daddy".

 

Sort of. Never got that far but yeah, the kids get all confused about your relationship with the mom. You can hardly say, "Your mom sucks **** like it's going out of style. That's why I'm around. I'm not here for you."

 

7. You'll always come second place to the boogereater.

 

In actuality you're in about 10th place.

 

8. There is a law in some states, or it may be federal, where if you get into a relationship with her, and the child sees you as a father figure, you may be required to pay child support. Yes, it's true.

 

Total BS. My brother is a family law attorney. This is completely false.

[St. Nick]

Yo Barky, I met them because they work at the local library. And you better check yourself when you say that law is total b.s. I am almost 100% positive it is true. It's ironic for you to be in LA and not be aware of that law because I think NY and CA are the strictest when it comes to that law. Maybe ask your bro about that law.

[Chicago_Guy]

8. There is a law in some states, or it may be federal, where if you get into a relationship with her, and the child sees you as a father figure, you may be required to pay child support. Yes, it's true.

 

If there were such a law, it would be a state law, not federal. The federal government has no jurisdiction over family law issues. However, I have never heard of any states having any oppressive laws like that.

[Art_Critic]

If you think dating a woman with kids has perils then just don't date a woman with kids..

I'm sure they would thank you that you didn't waste their time.

 

Since a child isn't something to be made fun of or be taken lightly you seem like you are in the wrong place in your life for being a responsible figure to someone who has the true life responsibility of raising a child..

 

Nothing wrong with preferences but no need to paint a woman with kids in a negative light.. they just aren't your cup of tea and you aren't theirs..

No biggie..

 

There are many more pluses in dating someone who has kids than you can imagine.. you just can't get past the responsibility aspect of it .. that's all...

 

In my first marriage I was a steparent to a wonderful little girl..and I can tell you that most of the negatives you painted about women with kids are just false and the last one about the child support is just not accurate at all and isn't based on any law that exists on the books in any state.

[txsilkysmoothe]

If there were such a law, it would be a state law, not federal. The federal government has no jurisdiction over family law issues. However, I have never heard of any states having any oppressive laws like that.[/quote

 

Texas has some laws that are very unfair to men -

 

In Texas, if a mother is married when she gives birth, her husband is legally the father. If she is not married, the presumed father is encouraged to sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity when the baby is born. Once a man is established as the legal father, he has 4 years to dispute his paternity and request DNA testing. After the 4 year statute of limitations has passed, even if a DNA test proves that the man is not the father, he is still responsible for child support.

Source:

http://ancpr.com/2009/07/18/texas-unfair-child-support-collections-in-the-news/

[txsilkysmoothe]

Texas Child Support Law -

 

 

https://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/attorneys/crimnonsup/crimnonsuphb_ch11.shtml

[Art_Critic]

The laws you quoted are for married woman who are pregnant and have no bearing on this thread topic.

[St. Nick]

If there were such a law, it would be a state law, not federal. The federal government has no jurisdiction over family law issues. However, I have never heard of any states having any oppressive laws like that.

I'll try to find any concrete source proving it exists. But it wouldn't surprise me if it does. You've probably heard of how many guys are getting DNA scans to find out if their kids are really their's, find out the kid isn't, find out the mama lied, get a divorce, but still have to pay child support on a kid that isn't theirs. That's one helluva oppressive law too.

 

To Art Critic: If a woman became a widow and she has kids to raise up, then I can show some sympathy. But I have no sympathy for out of marriage kids. I'm not dealing with that. I could be the next guy that's responsible for the new kid she's got. I want to stay child-free. I avoid any traps as best as I can.

[Art_Critic]

I want to stay child-free. I avoid any traps as best as I can.

 

At least you know your limits and there isn't anything wrong with that..

 

Something to keep your mind open about though is that someday you may find yourself a single Dad and be subject to the same critique that you are giving single Mom's right now..

It can happen....

[St. Nick]

Yeah, I know it could happen, but I can't live my life like that. I can't say, "Hey, this could happen to me so I'll give this person a break" to every situation. A guy on the street asks me for change, and I know I could be in the same situation as him, so should I give him my change just cuz it could happen? What if he wants to use my hard-earned cash for drugs or is just a scam artist? I can't let that kind of thinking be the maker of my actions.

 

Do you know that there are women who purposely get pregnant? Have you ever had a woman poke holes in your condom, or purposely get off the pill cuz she wanted to get pregnant? If you haven't then I'm glad you live in such a world where women are always the victim of circumstances:

 

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91748721

 

That story above is just one of many stories I've heard across this dang nation about women purposely getting pregnant. These same women have no compunction against having multiple kids by multiple fathers:

 

http://www.mlive.com/flintjournal/index.ssf/2008/11/flint_mother_latrica_ryan_of_1.html

 

I've never heard of a guy purposely trying to get a woman pregnant so he could have a kid. And I'm definitely not that type of guy. But if I was a single father it would be due to unfortunate circumstances, not by choice.

 

Those two women I met were never married and their kids most likely never knew their fathers, which would explain why that kid asked me if I was gonna be his dad. Those women got knocked up by some dude they knew wouldn't care about them if they got pregnant, and now they gotta deal with it. But not with me.

[txsilkysmoothe]

The laws you quoted are for married woman who are pregnant and have no bearing on this thread topic.

 

It references unmarried women as well

If a man dates a pregnant woman and lives with her for the first two years of her babies life, he is presumed the father. He has to defend himself and prove otherwise.

 

If a man believes he is the father of his girlfriend's unborn baby, doesn't discover he is not or doesn't dispute the paternity before the child's 4th birthday, he is responsible for child support no matter the result of a paternity test.

[Mr White]

I've met 2 great single moms (dated one), but in spite of these pleasant encounters, I still have only bad things to say about dating women with (small) kids.

Outliers aside, chances are that a single mom either made a very bad choice to begin with, or left a relationship/divorced for no particular reason. Either way, you lose. Very few people are THAT wonderful to provide justification for a single person to take on the additional complication of kids. Dating is complicated as it is.

[Mr White]

If a man believes he is the father of his girlfriend's unborn baby, doesn't discover he is not or doesn't dispute the paternity before the child's 4th birthday, he is responsible for child support no matter the result of a paternity test.

 

This is barbaric. I'd be tempted to shoot the mom AND the kid AND the judge.

[greatgirlfriend]

In some states the custodial parents can go after a step parent for child support. I had a friend who married a guy with kids. His exwife was a psycho and sued for more child support because my friend made a lot. My friend ended up divorcing the guy because of things like that. Then people wonder why singles don't want to date people with kids.

[Barky]

This is barbaric. I'd be tempted to shoot the mom AND the kid AND the judge.

 

ummm... OR... you could just get a DNA test whenever a chick says she's pregnant with your child.

 

It should be standard with every delivery, IMHO.

[Barky]

If a man believes he is the father of his girlfriend's unborn baby, doesn't discover he is not or doesn't dispute the paternity before the child's 4th birthday, he is responsible for child support no matter the result of a paternity test.

 

Only a fool would rely on a woman's word as to whether he's the daddy. And yes, fools are often screwed by the legal system.

 

You got to edumacate yo'self!

[Art_Critic]

It references unmarried women as well

If a man dates a pregnant woman and lives with her for the first two years of her babies life, he is presumed the father. He has to defend himself and prove otherwise.

 

You aren't even reading your sources..

 

You left out an important part

During the first two years of the child';s life, he continuously resides with the child, and represents to others that the child is his own. [TFC § 160.204]

 

You are trying to make these lasw fit into an entirely different scenario than they are written for..

 

Those links have no bearing on the thread topic and are for custody battles that deal with married couples and women who are married and pregnant and for a pregnant woman who gives birth to a child and lives with a man who raises the child as his even though he knows he is not.

[Mr White]

ummm... OR... you could just get a DNA test whenever a chick says she's pregnant with your child.

 

It should be standard with every delivery, IMHO.

 

Indeed. There are reports based on various studies that estimate that anywhere between 5% and 20% of kids born are fathered by men other than the legit husbands/partners. So, DNA test at the time of birth (but following up with a shot in the head depending on the result is still a tempting idea ).

[St. Nick]

Only a fool would rely on a woman's word as to whether he's the daddy. And yes, fools are often screwed by the legal system.

 

You got to edumacate yo'self!

There are reasons why guys fall for this stuff all the time:

1. Women bring up that, "Don't you trust me" stuff and act innocent.

2. Women get extremely offended if you ask. It's like you're asking them to prostitute.

3. What if it really is your kid?

4. Some guys are just clueless, or acting clueless that his girl is/would cheat.

5. Sometimes these women get pregnant after marriage so it's assumed to be his.

 

I agree with you to get a test and it should be mandatory, but I'm just giving a reason why some guys get fooled.

[txsilkysmoothe]

You aren't even reading your sources..

 

You left out an important part

 

 

You are trying to make these lasw fit into an entirely different scenario than they are written for..

 

Those links have no bearing on the thread topic and are for custody battles that deal with married couples and women who are married and pregnant and for a pregnant woman who gives birth to a child and lives with a man who raises the child as his even though he knows he is not.

 

Are you saying there has never been a pregnant woman who gives birth to a child and lives with a man who raises the child as his even though he knows he is not. That's very much a scenario of a single man getting involved with a pregnant woman. Raising a child as his own becomes a matter of a court case.

 

The OP said that a man could be held responsible for child support of his girlfriends child. These laws are an example of that. Granted some pretty specific circumstance but it has happened and a man should be aware of that. A man dates and starts living with a pregnant woman. She has this baby and the man lives with her and the child for two years. Have you never heard of men being called "daddy" by their girlfriends children. I think the OP mentioned that very scenario in his original post. If a man allows a child to call him daddy, I'm sure the mother will make the case that he represented himself to be the child's father. It becomes a she said/he said in which a non-father must prove he is not the father or prove he never represented himself as the father.

 

Rebutting the Presumption

The presumption of paternity may be rebutted if:

• The presumed father files a denial of paternity along with an acknowledgment of paternity by another man [TFC § 160.204(b)]; or
  
• A court determines that he is not the father in a suit filed within four years of the child's birth [TFC § 160.607(a)];or
  
• A court determines that he is not the father, and that he did not cohabitate with or have sexual intercourse with the mother during the time of probable conception, and that he never represented that the child was his own, in a suit filed at any time. [TFC § 160.607(b)]
  

The three things above are a huge hassle and time consuming and he'll probably be paying child support during this time.

 

 

I don't support the OP's position. Women shouldn't be considered undate-able just because they have children.