Dating a single woman with kids=bad idea

[lucy9216]

Yo Barky, I met them because they work at the local library. And you better check yourself when you say that law is total b.s. I am almost 100% positive it is true. It's ironic for you to be in LA and not be aware of that law because I think NY and CA are the strictest when it comes to that law. Maybe ask your bro about that law.

 

I think this is only true when the couple marries and some men do actually adopt the child when there is an absent father. If you are willing to adopt a child and it doesent work out this stepdad has already taken full legal responsiblity to the child so yes he would have to pay support. Otherwise, no this is completely false...

[Barky]

1. Women bring up that, "Don't you trust me" stuff and act innocent.

2. Women get extremely offended if you ask. It's like you're asking them to prostitute.

 

Well, if a guy is such a pansy that he'd rather pay child support for the next 18 years than have a girl "get mad" at him, then I guess he gets what he deserves.

[Barky]

The three things above are a huge hassle and time consuming and he'll probably be paying child support during this time.

 

I believe challenging parentage puts support payments on hold, but don't quote me on that. Anyway, filing a court case is certainly easier than paying child support for 18 years. The court will order a DNA test and if the kid isn't yours then you won't pay for it.

 

Not perfect but better than it was a generation ago.

[polksaladannie]

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I just told my pal about it and he doesn't think there's nothing wrong with dating a chick with kids. Right now, I've come to the realization that too many guys are misinformed about the perils of dating women with kids. Here are the reasons why you shouldn't:

 

1. Kids will interrupt sex.

At times yes. So will a deadline at work, a call about a sick parent, a woman's cycle and the old standby...the "headache"

2. The dads might come over and give you trouble.

If you are a man and actually take the woman out on a real date this probably won't happen:)

3. If she likes you she might get desperate and see you as a potential daddy without considering whether that's what you want.

Ahh, yes. The "desperate" label for a single mom. Seriously can't you come up with a more original word??

4. If you ever go out on dates with her and her kids you most likely will be the one where the majority of the financial burden falls on.

Hmmmm..when I go on a date it is me and the guy. What world are you living in?

5. She might ask you to babysit.

And you can say "No"

6. The kids might resent you and start hating you cuz "You're not my real daddy".

I find that good men never seem to have this issue. Maybe it's you and not the kids;)

7. You'll always come second place to the boogereater.

Right and if you and the woman have "boogereaters" of your own, you will come last in that situation as well:)

8. There is a law in some states, or it may be federal, where if you get into a relationship with her, and the child sees you as a father figure, you may be required to pay child support. Yes, it's true.

Usually this happens when you have been living with a woman for years...and by then you should be forced to contribute something...or at least make an honest women out of her and propose;)

 

Unless her kids are grown and financially supporting themselves, there is no reason to date a woman with kids.

 

And I am sure that there is a plethora of single, fit and beautiful women with absolutely no issue who are just dying to date you...

 

Hope you dudes have learned a lesson.

 

I am sure they have

[animalinthemist]

well i was debating about this the other day...to myself.

 

i think if a guy is educated, and his kids are smart, educated and are respectful..its going to be a blast. i'd have so much fun with them all and it would feel like a family.

i wont go out of my way to avoid someone because of something they did in their past.

 

why?

 

because its hard to find someone to love you, let alone "selecting". i also do not want someone to do that same thing to me..avoid me for something i have no control over.

 

if the original poster felt he had the entitlement of being able to "choose", then by all means, go. he's probly super handsome ..brad pitt material.

 

/giggle

[betamanlet]

Given single mothers are frequently more and more common, if you eliminate them, you eliminate a lot of women..

[Johnny M]

Given single mothers are frequently more and more common, if you eliminate them, you eliminate a lot of women..

For every single mother there is a single father.

[polksaladannie]

For every single mother there is a single father.

 

 

And I suppose only Jews should date Jews, white should date whites and hispanics should date hispanics?

[phineas]

In some states the custodial parents can go after a step parent for child support. I had a friend who married a guy with kids. His exwife was a psycho and sued for more child support because my friend made a lot. My friend ended up divorcing the guy because of things like that. Then people wonder why singles don't want to date people with kids.

 

I've read about this.

Some states use the household income as a basis for child support as opposed to the parents income.

 

Or they factor in less living expenses because of two incomes & increase child support.

[threebyfate]

They tell me to sit down while they do whatever. I sit down on the couch and I look at this elementary school kid playing with his toys

Any woman who would willingly leave her children alone with a strange man, even if it's at home, needs to have her head examined!

 

For that matter, these women shouldn't be introducing their children to strange men in general.

[Johnny M]

And I suppose only Jews should date Jews, white should date whites and hispanics should date hispanics?

Well, I'm not going to debate interracial dating with you - there is another thread dealing with that subject matter.

 

However, to use less loaded analogies, I would say that as a general rule, short people should stick with short people, intelligent people should stick with intelligent people, athletic people should stick with athletic people, and so on. What is so wrong with suggesting that a single mother should date a single father? Wouldn't she have much more in common with him than with a childless man?

 

Can anyone explain why single mothers try so hard to get a childless man? Is it because they are prejudiced against single fathers and fear that a man with children would turn out to be the same kind of guy as their ex-husband?

[polksaladannie]

However, to use less loaded analogies, I would say that as a general rule..... intelligent people should stick with intelligent people?

 

I can only assume that you have a lot of dumbasses coming after you then?

[Johnny M]

I can only assume that you have a lot of dumbasses coming after you then?

If by 'coming after me' you mean unsuccessfully trying to make witty replies to my threads on this board, then yes.

[sid3]

I can only assume that you have a lot of dumbasses coming after you then?

 

Wow,for a someone raising children that's awfully mature. I hope you don't lash out on potential dates when you don't agree with something. FYI, the majority of Jewish people do in fact date/marry other jewish people.

JM's premise is a statistical fact, that people close in attractiveness, intelligence, activities, social status etc do in fact date eachother more often than not.

 

I wonder why you have such a defeatist attitude when it comes to finding a partner. Maybe there has been some rejection and being a single mother is just an irrational rationalization. Sure the majority of single guys without kids won't be interested in dating a single mom, but I'm certain there are many that would, during my mid thirties I have dated two single moms. I tend to agree with what has already been suggested, some single moms seem to have no interest in dating a single father and I wonder if it does have to do with the xh and the negative feelings invovled. Although you've mentioned not being desperate/needy in your OP, there is a desperate and resentful vibe within your posts, not just this one. That doesn't mean you are, just a vibe, or undertone or whatever. Maybe other people pick up on it and it has made dating more difficult than it should be. IDK. I've seen some pretty lousy single moms out there that put their dating life before their children, awfully sad, at least you can feel good that you have the character and moral qualities that quite a few seriously lack. It may take longer to meet someone because of the kids, but you'll never have to live with the guilt that you could have been a better mother.