What steps to take next to leave?

[just_some_guy]

I'm still working through this carefully with my IC and have said that to my wife, and have stated that my feeling now is strongly to leave. I'm still around because there are some medical procedures she is going through and she needs someone for the time being to help her through this. That and I have some remorse over wanting to end it, and not sure exactly how to make the break, move out, get a lawyer or whatever.

 

I need to get out of the house and into my own space for my own good. Staying is sending the wrong message and her denial takes over that everything is going to be OK. She has a severe weight issue (look up super-super obese). It isn't a weight issue as much as it has been suicide by the fork. I just can't take it anymore, though my talking of leaving finally prompted some action. I just feel like I'm done with it all now, and even if the bypass surgery comes about and succeeds, I don't think I want to continue this relationship.

 

There is no reason a dissolution has to get acrimonious, I would prefer that the split be a collaborative process. Fortunately, I've built a reasonable amount of assets and there is no debt except for the mortgage. Housing is exceedingly, unbelievably expensive in my location, even in the midst of a recession. Have a half-million mortgage on our little bitty 3 bedroom home, there's still a good bit of equity. I've been looking at townhomes near work, small 2 bedroom units are in the mid 500's and up. Crappy rentals start about $1800/month. She can't afford the house mortgage on her own, but we could pay it down enough and re-fi it for a lesser amount that would be within her capability. That might leave me barely enough to move out on and get started in my own place.

 

Of course, the courts are liable to order anything in this state, even though the marriage is less than 6 years and there are no children. I could be saddled with just about any kind of spousal support at the whim of the judge or the "disso-master" software.

 

Just don't know what the next step is. But I would really like to be on my own soon. Time for a lawyer? Buy a place and move out? Keep working in IC? Not sure I want to go to MC, since I really think I want to leave and not fix it.