Chitowngirl Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 We were together 1.5 yrs, been broken up for 8 months. Is it true it takes twice as long to get over your ex from the amount of time you dated? ex it will take me 3 yrs to get over him? Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I beleive it is so much more complex than that. The factors IMO are How bad was the relationship before it ended Did they have an affaire Were they abusive do you have children Is finance a problem How long it takes you to see a good future alone. ect. Resentment anger bewilderment and fear all play a massive part in getting over them and it depends on the level of complications physically as well as emotionally that play a part. So in my case Our relationship was bad for 4 years, terrible for 18months, hidious for 6 months of that. By the time he left i felt releif on one hand but mainly fear of my finacial security and my childrens furure. Therefor, anger and resentment and fear were very high in my emotions. As soon as my security became clear, the anger dissapeared along with the fear too. Resentment rears its head on occasion but basicly I am happy. He left for the first time in feb last year, we had MC he came back but basicly he didnt want to be home and when he left for good in sept i was ready. Nobby xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chitowngirl Posted February 9, 2010 Author Share Posted February 9, 2010 Great points...you are correct. There was a lot of anger on both our parts so I think that's why it's still bothering me. Typically I leave a relationship when the loving feeling is gone, ie no feelings whatsoever...and it was always so easy to get over them. I left during a huge fight, financial future still up in the air, so yeah thanks for your post!!! I don't feel all that crazy now. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I was with my ex for 11 yrs and with no contact, it took me a year to get on with my life. My ex of 2 yrs, it took me 3 months. No contact and forcing yourself to live your life is the only way to heal Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 My ex wife about 10 minutes, The last ex still not, when I think I am moving on her head pops up. But i don't really like her anymore though. Plus my daughter and her friends tried setting us up once. My daughter is awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
DiscoChick Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 My ex wife about 10 minutes, Wow... I really hope it doesn't take twice as long to get over my ex. I was with him for a little over three years. Then again, it's not like I live in an area where men I'm attracted to are walking around. I thought I was over him, but this guy started talking to me...and I automatically compared him to my ex, which really was bad for the guy. Needless to say, I stopped talking to him. I'm not ready. Although it has been only two months, I don't know if I ever will be ready to date again. It was hard enough for him to convince me. I love the guy too much. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 My Ex and I were together 2 1/2 years. We broke up 20 months ago and I'm still not over him. I thought I would be and yet -- even as I write this early in the morning -- I woke with nightmares about the fights we used to have (he was a bipolar alcoholic who was caught cheating with a prostitute). It would have NEVER dawned on me that I could be so haunted after all this time and I wish nothing more than to get this man out of my head. And, no, there have been no relationships (and not even any POTENTIAL relationships) to help supplant the hauntings. Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Wow... I really hope it doesn't take twice as long to get over my ex. I was with him for a little over three years. Then again, it's not like I live in an area where men I'm attracted to are walking around. I thought I was over him, but this guy started talking to me...and I automatically compared him to my ex, which really was bad for the guy. Needless to say, I stopped talking to him. I'm not ready. Although it has been only two months, I don't know if I ever will be ready to date again. It was hard enough for him to convince me. I love the guy too much. To be honest it only took about ten minutes to get over her but the effects of the relationship took years. I could have cared less about her. The effects of her though. It took me about 6 years to get involved again. I did date a few wonderful women but just couldn't get over the hump ( I must have trust and honesty) and ended everyone within 3 dates and just stopped dating cold turkey. Didn't date for about 3 years and it sucked I just avoided the whole seen. Then I met a women who broke down all the walls and barriers I had in place, she said all the right things and did all the right things at the right time. She then seen my vulnerabilities when she learned of my marriage. She ended up as bad as my ex wife.LOL She used me and she knew I was crazy about her and I thought we loved each other to death. She just up and left one day saying I'm through with you, another time she said I'm done with you, like a piece of garbage. There's much more to the story that you can go back and read. Life is so simple, yes, no and sometimes a maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 It depends on so many things, including how deep a bond you have/had, how good the relationship was, how long it was, the reasons why you split, whether you are still in love with them. I hope I won't take years to get over my 18 year relationship, but it's a toughie as I was still in love with him and we were very special together for so long, love of my life I felt/thought. Nearly 7 months on and I'm only just starting to heal now I've stopped all contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 It depends on so many things, including how deep a bond you have/had, how good the relationship was, how long it was, the reasons why you split, whether you are still in love with them. I hope I won't take years to get over my 18 year relationship, but it's a toughie as I was still in love with him and we were very special together for so long, love of my life I felt/thought. Nearly 7 months on and I'm only just starting to heal now I've stopped all contact. Have you noticed how little love is mentioned in some of these forums. My ex just the other day told me she doesn't want or need love in a relationship. How does this work or am I that old fashioned ??????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 very good point. Love is a stange emotion after you split or are dumped. Respect it lost on both sides and therefore IMO true deep love has gone. Without mutual respect its hard to feel deep love......impossible maybe? Nobby xx Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I was with her for a little over 6 months...now about 6 months out...still not completely over her...and there's no end in sight... Link to post Share on other sites
sunrae Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Have you noticed how little love is mentioned in some of these forums. My ex just the other day told me she doesn't want or need love in a relationship. How does this work or am I that old fashioned ??????????????????? What? Doesnt want or need love in a relationship? What's the purpose of a realtionship if you dont have that or strive to obtain it.. Love is the strongest emotion out there but yet the hardest to find TRUE love. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I don't believe there's a definitive timeline and there's so many variables that contribute to how long it takes to get over them. With my ex wife, we were together for a total of 7 years and married for 3. The idea of loving her went away almost immediately once I realized she had been cheating on me. The habit of her being around probably took about 4 months to get over. My last girlfriend I was with for a year and I broke up with her about 4 months ago, but she's still always on my mind and I doubt I'll ever let her go because I'm still in love with the idea of her. I broke up with her because it no longer felt like she felt as strongly for me as I did for her. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) We were together for just under a year. It has now been two years and seven months and I'm not even close to over him. I'm not even ready to date yet. At this point I'm fairly resigned to the idea that I found the love of my life, and I'll love him forever, but he'll never love me so I'll just have to settle for my memories of him. It's a kind of love, I suppose. I tell myself I'm lucky to have someone I love that much, even though he doesn't speak to me. It's as close as I'll ever get, so I have to try to find a way to be satisfied with it. Edited February 9, 2010 by sedgwick Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 It took me nearly a year and a half to recover from a one year relationship. It wasn't the relationship itself that made it take so long, it just took me that long to stop binging on drugs, alcohol and to start loving myself. At the time I thought I was a complete freak for a relationship to affect me that badly, but prone to depression anyway, I had far too many problems to remain in a relationship anyway, and its been one of the toughest but most rewarding experiences of my life. If it wasn't for that relationship, I would never have sought therapy, would never have taken anti-depressants, would never begun reading self help, never began to build my confidence from the bottom up, never cut back on drugs and alcohol. Maybe one day I'll get to thank her for all the pain I went through, I just hope she learned something from it too:) Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 We were together 1.5 yrs, been broken up for 8 months. Is it true it takes twice as long to get over your ex from the amount of time you dated? ex it will take me 3 yrs to get over him? IDK, I bet healing time is different for everyone. I got dumped four months ago and it still hurts like hell Link to post Share on other sites
bettedaviseyes Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 I was with my ex for a little bit over a year, and it's been 9 months since he broke it off. I am still working on getting over him... Link to post Share on other sites
Pentel Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 9 months with her, nc for like 1 month almost 2, im over her... i think... Link to post Share on other sites
megadeth20 Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 Broke up with my girl of one and a half years on New Years Day. At first it would've taken at least a few months. Now that I've found out she's already being slutty I'm pretty much over it. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 When I found out she cheated on me twice. Halfway through the relationship and then screwing around behind my back for two weeks before the breakup while I was at work busting my ass to provide a good life for us. Once I realized who she really was as a person, I was completely over her. I missed the relationship but I didn't miss her. I miss the dog the most. Bottom of the barrel girl when I'm already doing so much better -- so life goes on. I just wish I hadn't had the wool pooled over my eyes for seven years while I was her best friend and genuinely concerned about her as a person. She proved herself to be just another cheating woman when I thought she was more. The mistake was on my end for believing her lies. Live and learn. 4 months out and loving life more than ever. I sincerely hope she is having the time of her life with the fake boyfriend she's dating. All of my friends told me, "the dude looks like a total tool -- wtf was she thinking?" I don't know, but it isn't worth caring about any more. Loving life now! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 Loving life now! It's great to hear this DB...I've been around since you came aboard and know some of the craziness that was your ex...kudos to you, and thanks for everything you've provided all of us on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 When I found out she cheated on me twice. Halfway through the relationship and then screwing around behind my back for two weeks before the breakup while I was at work busting my ass to provide a good life for us. Once I realized who she really was as a person, I was completely over her. I missed the relationship but I didn't miss her. I miss the dog the most. Bottom of the barrel girl when I'm already doing so much better -- so life goes on. I just wish I hadn't had the wool pooled over my eyes for seven years while I was her best friend and genuinely concerned about her as a person. She proved herself to be just another cheating woman when I thought she was more. The mistake was on my end for believing her lies. Live and learn. 4 months out and loving life more than ever. I sincerely hope she is having the time of her life with the fake boyfriend she's dating. All of my friends told me, "the dude looks like a total tool -- wtf was she thinking?" I don't know, but it isn't worth caring about any more. Loving life now! Bless you, man! Link to post Share on other sites
DiscoChick Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 \ At this point I'm fairly resigned to the idea that I found the love of my life, and I'll love him forever, but he'll never love me so I'll just have to settle for my memories of him. It's a kind of love, I suppose. I tell myself I'm lucky to have someone I love that much, even though he doesn't speak to me. It's as close as I'll ever get, so I have to try to find a way to be satisfied with it. Exactly what I feel. I thought I was cheating myself out of something by not admitting I'll never stop loving him, but I'm not. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that I'll never truly forget. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted February 10, 2010 Share Posted February 10, 2010 It's great to hear this DB...I've been around since you came aboard and know some of the craziness that was your ex...kudos to you, and thanks for everything you've provided all of us on LS. Thanks man -- I've seen you progress since your boot camp from hell and you're doing awesome yourself. So keep on truckin' ! Link to post Share on other sites
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